Resources on forgiving your parents

lietruth · 2021-02-02T19:50:46+00:00

That depends.

What did your parents do? What are you holding them resentment to? What are you trying to forgive them for?

I’ll leave one of my favourite stories below that I think sums up “letting go” really well:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman. Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river hours ago, why are you still carrying her?”

drakehfh · 2021-02-02T20:05:21+00:00

You don't need a book.

Close your eyes and imagine they died in a car accident right now and you will never have the opportunity to make peace with them. Never.

Now open your eyes and let your ego go. I had something similar. I let it go and now I am happy I did.

arakouzo · 2021-02-02T19:48:59+00:00

When your life is excellent, you won't have time to be angry at your parents, your childhood bullies, the girls who wouldn't date you, mean teachers, or crooked businessmen.

If you have time to sit around thinking about how much you hate your parents, it's because you need a real job, some real hobbies, and a better gym routine.

brave_snow02 · 2021-02-02T19:53:14+00:00

therapy

academicRedditor · 2021-02-03T01:40:48+00:00

The “self authoring program” helped me a lot ❤️

Abadalta · 2021-02-03T07:02:40+00:00

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Also roughly the same age as you.

Rian Stone has a YouTube video that covers this topic pretty well. I forget the name but he basically said that most problems people have in life are "opt-in" problems. Meaning they choose to have them. (Simping over a girl, bad job, etc)

When it comes to abuse, you never opted into it. Meaning you had no say, and therefore it wasn't your fault. So just delete it and focus on how you're being treated by your parents today/ now.

(you can still call your parents out for being shitty parents, but no need after you've made your point)

It's also ok to have boundaries with them, but it's all about today's actions, not the actions of the past.

I'm not saying I figured it all out, but it's helping me.

Pooddit · 2021-02-02T19:52:30+00:00

Understand they are people. Be grateful for all experiences. Take the good and leave the rest. Understand that everyone is self-centered and living their own lives for themselves. There needs to be boundaries between you and everyone else, no matter who it is. No one owes you anything, especially at 30. Once this has been established and you can see them as the individuals they are, vet them like you would anyone else to determine in what capacity you want them in your life. Everyone I know I interact in different capacities based on what I see of them and myself.

TruthSeekaaaaa · 2021-02-02T19:58:30+00:00

Whatever the resentment you should look into why you're still in the parent/child mentality in the relationship. Jungian psychology can help with understanding the archetypal work that you need to do.

BlondeHornyElf · 2021-02-02T20:46:40+00:00

why do u have ur parents?

TruthSeekaaaaa · 2021-02-02T22:34:42+00:00

[deleted]

KeyRepresentative · 2021-02-04T07:19:59+00:00

Shit, brother I feel you. Let me try to at least save you the first therapy session.

Decide whether you want to forgive your parents. You don’t have to. Even if you do, you can reduce or eliminate them from your lif. Next try to at least understand that your parents are flawed. They are not the perfect heroes that a child thinks of.

They are flawed by what they learned and patterned growing up. They did not have resources to fix it. They persisted with their flaws til now.

You can change who you are, you cannot change another person or the past.

GhostPlanet7 · 2021-02-02T20:52:35+00:00

Jesse Lee Peterson

Title	Resources on forgiving your parents
Author	TruthSeekaaaaa
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	February 2, 2021 7:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lb4bq1/resources_on_forgiving_your_parents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/resources-on-forgiving-your-parents.742639 https://theredarchive.com/post/742639

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