Smiling and laughing too much?

custoscustodis · 2020-07-26T14:03:08+00:00

People see kindness as weakness, or a sign of naïveté. This is a sign for certain types of people to try to take advantage of you.

This is why, when I was in teaching school a long time ago, one of the common refrains was, "Don't smile until Christmas." They were basically saying that if you appeared too friendly to students too early, they would start trying to take advantage of you. That could destroy your classroom discipline early on.

I think that, as long as you have clear boundaries and enforce them, you can be as happy go lucky as you want. You just can't be a pushover and a doormat.

Jetrous · 2020-07-26T16:33:43+00:00

Smiling is not the problem, it's what you tolerate, how you act and talk. You can be disagreeable, strict and commanding respect and still be open and happy. Not in all situations of course.

So I'd say smile and laugh while focusing on your other behaviors, such as agreeing with people from the outset, letting them shit on your head without establishing boundaries etc. Not smiling is certainly a simple solution, and people won't have the tendency to test you that much, but it's temporary.

wheelerKingjr · 2020-07-26T14:33:09+00:00

I had the same situation, I’d laugh and smile a lot, got disrespected quite a bit due to that sometimes too. I’ve learned how to balance it with being very assertive and dominant though. It’s necessary to learn how to and when to tap into your serious side. You’ll get your respect.

Terdmuffin · 2020-07-26T13:41:39+00:00

Basing agreeable Is not a masculine trait.

phellySL · 2020-07-26T15:39:07+00:00

If you ask me, you should smile/laugh whenever you want. But when it comes to interacting with people, it just makes more sense to smile on reciprocation.

What I mean is, with people I tend to not smile unless they smile first. Or if they did/said something positive and I return that with a smile. If we’re just talking, I’m going to want to be in frame. That makes me - not staunch/ standoffish on some Terminator shit - but I look focused & centered. As if I’m really thinking about what you’re saying.

I’ll smile or laugh when a joke is cracked or a compliment given but that’s it. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that frame is this thing where you gotta come across like a standoffish asshole who never smiles/laughs. Those are good things, trust me. Try to lead a life where you can be laughing your ass off one second, and the next second if someone disrespects you or needs you to be serious, you can just switch to that serious side when needed.

2020-07-26T15:45:22+00:00

Be happy :) but also don’t take people’s bullshit. That’s what I do, If people disrespect me I have a conversation about it, I ignore them, I move on. I laugh as much as I want to. At work not so much

user12345678654 · 2020-07-26T16:51:22+00:00

I've personally found the same thing.

I'm a happy person and even the most shitty situations I smile and make myself happy cuz I know it's a choice to be unhappy so i choose to be happy.

People talk about boundaries and not letting people past them. However if you do it with a smile or happy attitude, your boundaries won't be taken seriously. It's until you take away the smile and happiness that people understand to they have to watch their step. That foesn't mean get mad, you simply stop smiling.

Also people who are usedto seeing you smile and happy constantly become off edge and don't know how to handle it when you stop smiling. They think your mad regardless of your facial expression if it's not a smile. In time they get usedto it but theres like a change or disturbance in what seems to be a balance in power or social heirarchy they are usedto.

JimmyHILFIGER · 2020-07-26T20:52:00+00:00

I tend to smile a lot, it disarms people so it's a beneficial thing.

Snowboard18 · 2020-07-26T23:43:29+00:00

I definitely think it gives off the “nice guy” vibe and gives that impression to people. It’s not necessarily a bad trait to have but it does come off as more beta for some reason.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-07-27T05:35:09+00:00

Most chads irl tend to have a pretty laid back and jovial personality so i wouldn’t worry about it. As long as you’re happy bc you want to be and not because you’re afraid of offending people. You might get more respect without smiling but people/women might be put off if you look depressed or pissed off all the time.

windydaddy · 2020-07-26T16:28:44+00:00

Besides what others said: Just remember that a dude with a smile can say *anything * and get away with it. Its a very special talent. Hope you know some smiley sarcastic assholes to understand it.

JakeMullerRE · 2020-07-26T23:22:35+00:00

Just remind yourself to not be too much of a clown. Do self-amuse, do engage with people and be mindful of yourself, but do not tolerate any sort of disrespect and assert your boundaries with confidence.

imboutitwassup · 2020-07-26T23:24:32+00:00

This is something that you need wisdom to understand. Wisdom comes with experience. There's a time to drown there's times for a smile. Best way to do it in my opinion, always be happy and smiling, even with strangers but not a joking or excited smile. Just a light smirk not even showing your teeth. If you like something said or done show teeth. If it's really funny open your mouth even but never an uncontrolled howling, and in disappointment show your disapproval on your face. Don't hesitate and think about the person's emotions. Just look at them like the greatest disappointment ever and keep moving. If they're sorry for whatever they did they'll come apologise if they're not fuck em.

Thinkingard · 2020-07-27T02:28:07+00:00

I have a thought on this that people might seem disrespectful because they aren't expecting a happy-go-lucky person to react violently or badly to their tactlessness. They will push more with diss-oriented jokes because your smiling/laughing self lowers their guard. I know I sometimes cross the line and do that with guys who I would never expect to turn on me. Don't change your happy self tho, just lift so people (men in particular) naturally respect the dangerous level of force you are capable of generating.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2020-07-27T02:58:27+00:00

I'm an expert on not smiling, it's overrated my friend, enjoy your life, be happy

Title	Smiling and laughing too much?
Author	Human_Extreme
Upvotes	27
Comments	21
Date	July 26, 2020 1:29 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hy6xj8/smiling_and_laughing_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/smiling-and-laughing-too-much.717807 https://theredarchive.com/post/717807

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