The "moving too fast" speech

red-dead-erection · 2017-07-10T19:55:31+00:00

Dude, you have a severe case of oneitis. You've gone on 5 dates in 10 days? Do you not have anything better to do?

From your last thread it seems like she was telling you that she is not ready to date you because shes dating someone else. And now she is bringing it up again? She is trying to tell you that you are just a plate but that's not what you want to hear.

There is no "handling this." You say OK and go pursue other women. Don't burn any bridges but soft next her and stop investing so much time in her.

MattyAnon · 2017-07-10T20:17:27+00:00

he feels like she lost all control and all power, she doesn't even know me well, she is petrified, she had a lot of shit in her life, etc.

Good, sounds like it's working well for you. DO NOT LET HER FUCK WITH THIS DYNAMIC. If she wins, she'll hate you for it.

She's trying to put late-stage LMR on you.

How to handle? / also im pretty sure she is nearing her period, if that's any indication.

That's a big factor. Let beta bucks have her bloody box. Demand commitment and low sex.

The BEST option is:

"You're right..... let's see less of each other until we can get our feelings under control".

The point is... it's either exciting-alpha-dating for you, or you DO NOT BOTHER. She'll try and change it to more hand holding and beta bucks emotional support. Don't let her do this to you or your relationship.

She's negotiating. It's your job to negotiate too. And that means telling her that it's hot sex or not seeing either other. Except you can't say that, so phrase it as above. It'll drive her insane... but she has to know you're prepared to distance yourself from her rather than fall into her "let's move more slowly" frame.

It's risky.... but if you lose her, you've not lost exciting-girl, you've lost trying-to-make-it-boring girl.

Olongapo · 2017-07-10T19:54:55+00:00

Blah, blah, blah. My guess is that she wants to keep you in plate status and an old boyfriend just came back into town or something sordid like that. Someone with a higher perceived SMV than you.

Soft next until she contacts you. If....you get together, sex only at your place.

Women do not get swept off their feet. Read what your just wrote. Maintain frame and just remember, you ain't the first and you won't be the last. Re-read "There's this one girl...." in the sidebar.

SkimSTi · 2017-07-10T19:59:04+00:00

5 dates in 10 days? yea...... that is fast.

for future reference, you should have other things going on in your life. try maybe 2 dates every 7 days max (at first). building attraction takes time, especially for women. you can surely escalate and get with the girl. but you definitely over invested extremely fast. something about this tells me you were on the needy side.

soft next for now. reach out again later.

BusterVadge · 2017-07-10T19:53:25+00:00

Seems like it could be a comfort test to me. Rational Male has some good info on comfort tests.

max_peenor · 2017-07-10T22:09:45+00:00

she lost all control and all power

And she fucking loves it.

She wants to see if she can crack your shell. She wants to see if you are fake. She is terrified she will lose access to the D under your tree. Don't let her do the former while making the latter readily available.

walawalawa · 2017-07-10T22:31:27+00:00

she feels like she lost all control and all power, she doesn't even know me well, she is petrified, she had a lot of shit in her life, etc...

Huge red flag that indicates she may have Cluster B/BPD tendencies.

5 dates in 10 days and you're banging her...another BPD trait...

This push/pull dynamic is more about her than you.

But typically in these situations the one with the least power needs the relationship more.

Your post smacks of panic...

Proceed with caution. Get other hobbies and stop obsessing or when...yes WHEN this goes bad and you're feeling like a junkie who's just lost his dealer....read the sidebar on BPD and everything else you can about this emotional disorder.

Don't be stupid. Maintain a healthy distance.

I have 2-3 girls I'm banging at any given time. I see them once a week---sometimes once every 2 weeks...text/banter every few days. Don't be so available.

Title	The "moving too fast" speech
Author	brattykids123
Upvotes	1
Comments	19
Date	July 10, 2017 7:40 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6mguv0/the_moving_too_fast_speech/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/the-moving-too-fast-speech.93908 https://theredarchive.com/post/93908

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