Where did I fail?

rptastic · 2015-03-13T01:09:41+00:00

Check out the DeCarlo escalation ladder. Unless you were planning to fuck her in your vehicle, it was a mistake to get that heavy without being in a place to close the deal.

She got to think about it / hamster / engage the ASD.

Soft-next her / show attention to other female classmates. If she's going to come back, that will do it. Otherwise move on.

RPthrowaway123 · 2015-03-13T01:04:14+00:00

Ignore her for a few days, if you don't have a natural number then try 3. If she doesn't say anything in that time text her. If she doesn't answer when you text her, next.

midnightbean · 2015-03-13T01:07:09+00:00

Most likely you may have come off as too needy. The arm around the girl is probably a bit much. Also she may have enjoyed your company and sexuality but doesnt consider you as a serious mate. This happens all the time, she could have loved the attention that night and then "well im not that into him"

Overzealous_BlackGuy · 2015-03-13T02:13:11+00:00

Either it's escalating too fast or she just wanted to be taken out to the game, and you were attractive enough to mess around with after a few drinks.

fnordsnord · 2015-03-13T02:46:24+00:00

Soft next. Go zero contact for 3 months. CHASE OTHER GIRLS. If you're still single in 3 months, hit her up for a new date.

redbluepilling · 2015-03-13T04:51:21+00:00

Paradoxically, you took it too far / not far enough. Then it sounds like you went silent on her for 3 days instead of keeping her wanting it / failing to do anything with the mutual intensity and your own desire.

Your two options were to take it all the way or know when to walk away with her wanting more. By going too far / not far enough, it shows a lack of comfort with sexual expression in that situation, and also an inability to control the situation skillfully. By letting what you had built up die, finally talking 3 days later about whatever, you didn't let her feel comfortable maintaining her sexual desire for you. As someone else said, you activated her ASD, anti-slut defense. To her you stopped expressing your desire for her and thus curtailed her ability to express it in kind. You failed to maintain a sexual dynamic between the two of you. The ideal frame for this scenario is that first and foremost, she wants you. Second, you don't desperately need her for sex....but you passionately want her, and you're not afraid to show that.

Example,

How I handled it: I tend to avoid the car, but found myself in that situation recently. Got pretty heated, but knew I didn't want to fuck her in the car. I'd push, then pull back and make her want me. I purposely ricocheted between being intense and saying how I should go. She was chasing me, I showed I could walk away, but I also was passionate and true with my sexual side. I wanted to fuck her and she wanted me. I made plans with her then and there while her attraction was peaked, hand between her thighs. 'Tomorrow evening. I'll bring a bottle of wine. Wear something sexy.'

kingofpoplives · 2015-03-13T18:20:51+00:00

-I think I fucked up because I got drunk and was too aggressive (hands down pants, wouldn't normally do that). Does that sound about right?

No, it wasn't that.

What's more likely is that she was never really attracted to you and just wanted to go to an NBA game. She only fooled around with you because she was drunk. Once she sobered up she realized she did not want things to go any further.

This is the problem with taking girls you have yet to bang on awesome and expensive dates. Most will says yes just because they want to do the fun thing. This makes it much harder to tell if they really like you.

FrameWalker · 2015-03-13T03:32:27+00:00

Briffaults law. Once game was over she got what she wanted and it was over.

rpquest · 2015-03-13T09:05:49+00:00

responded immediately every time

There. Thought not necessarily just that.

with my arm around her.

Still you touching her, instead of the other way around. I figured lately that there's significant difference on that. Also, avoid initiating hand holding.

Finally, some girls are just like that. Doesn't matter; had sex.

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-03-13T12:57:12+00:00

-I think I fucked up because I got drunk

Don't get drunk on dates. Don't get your dates drunk. Having a drink is okay, getting drunk is stupid.

Title	Where did I fail?
Author	BigTimeStuff1
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	March 13, 2015 12:47 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2yuxzg/where_did_i_fail/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/where-did-i-fail.146945 https://theredarchive.com/post/146945

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