Why does this happen every time I sleep with a woman for the first time? (and only the first time!?)

abdada · 2017-02-20T14:40:27+00:00

It's just anxiety and nervousness. It's normal enough that women with experience don't sweat it.

DonaldBaelish · 2017-02-20T16:44:15+00:00

Young guy here that had the same issues and can absolutely confirm that this is anxiety mixed with a negative feedback loop.

Here's a story of mine , from my LTR that I have fucked more times than I can count. I will point out or brag that I lift 5 times a week , eat healthy as fuck so I should not have such problems , right?

One day I was fucking my girl 4 times. A few days later we would do some BDSM shit and I would be rock hard for more than 30 minutes and that was just the foreplay. She had not even touched my dick. She was all tied up anyways. A few days later we would bang for rounds. You get the point.

Then one day it did not get up. Here is when it all began. Told her that she probably drained me yesterday. We laughed it off. Thirty minutes later I'm feeling it and we are having great sex. "Hope this never happens again" and hope got the best of me..

A few days later I am semi-hard. Round two is impossible. I would start thinking if I will get it up at all when we start getting into it. Shit was going downhill. Maybe I was not lifting enough? Maybe I need to boost my testosterone? Maybe I'm sick? Nope. It's just anxiety. It's just the fact that I wanted to be the best and not have any problems. It's a complex. It's an insecurity.

It's not that the top 1% of men don't have problems. The difference is that they know how to deal with those said problems when they arise. I was clueless. How can I own every other area in life and fail at sex? I forgot how easy it was. All because of anxiety. All because this never happened before in my life.

When I accepted that I have anxiety , everything changed. Plus , why the fuck are you anxious? It's just sex anyways. Don't sweat it. Breathe deep. Be in the moment.

huge_gap · 2017-02-20T15:33:23+00:00

Hey man I had the same issue for years when I was in early 20s.

For whatever reason I was seeking comfort from women before we bang because it would relieve my performance anxiety. After a few goes I would be fine.

Now, I don't have that issue.

The cure? No fap, no porn. After a few weeks/months your brain does a soft reset regarding arousal and anxiety and you won't have mental problems.

Leviticus59 · 2017-02-20T16:51:33+00:00

It's just first-time anxiety. Same thing happens to me; I usually can't stay as hard as I'd like and usually never cum. Those symptoms pretty much go away the second time, and are completely gone by the third.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-02-20T15:01:04+00:00

Classic performance anxiety.

It's a woman's job to perform for you, not the other way around.

that hits me right in the core of my masculinity, it really makes me feel like shit

There is nothing less worth your time than engaging in self-pity and self-blame. Cut that shit out. Scratching your asshole is literally a better use of your time.

trpppp123 · 2017-02-20T17:03:55+00:00

For me it's I can stay hard but can't cum until I see the girl a few times. I haven't been with many women so I assume it gets easier as you bang more and more girls. The more you sweat it, the more likely it is to happen though so let it be.

quicklogaccount · 2017-02-20T17:08:27+00:00

It's performance anxiety.

I have it when she's calling the shots, on top, mainly rubbing. I have to "respond" and fulfill her expectations, and this bites my ass.

The way I found to prevent it is, when time comes to fuck her, I'll lay her down and finger her for a while. She has some fun, I get really turned on and from there it's game on.
I'll also be a bit dull when it comes to positions. I'll avoid changing a lot and I'll stick with missionary or doggy to control the rhythm and keep stimuli intense for me, without having to do a lot of gymnastics.

Fylingdale · 2017-02-20T21:45:44+00:00

First, if she asks, make a joke of it. You were teasing her, making her work for it, she had to convince little you to like her, etc. It's not an issue.

Proper response - this is 100% mental and probably comes from overstimulus of your mind rather than your body. You're so excited about the act that you start thinking about it. However, fucking and thinking about fucking are not the same thing.

You need to rewrite your reactions so that the response to the cue (her hand down your pants) is arousal and not thinking about anything else.

The way you do this is (and this may sound weird) is by thinking about the act which cues the potential embarrassment, or the possibility of embarrassment, as an exciting turn on. Eg if it was putting on a condom (a common experience), you reframe putting it on as something that makes you more aroused (because she is definitely getting a fucking).

The second optional ingredient is amplifying this by seeing your victory over the soft little wimp you were before as something that puts beyond doubt your virility. Again, this should just make you feel like a champion stud.

That's it. Every time you overcome it from now on solidifies your self belief. Which then means if it ain't working you can just turn around and say "later babe" with a big smile on your face. You're in control.

sonderho · 2017-02-21T05:03:52+00:00

There are some physical things you can do about it.

Stopping and starting: Try stimulating yourself maintaining a full erection starting easy and working towards 20 minutes before ejaculating. During this time try to minimize sexual thoughts and envision confidence and ease. When you feel you're about to ejaculate stop stimulation and then start again when it subsides a bit.

Herdsengineers · 2017-02-20T18:40:19+00:00

Sometimes I can't finish the first time with a new woman. And I always have problems finishing with a BJ with a new woman - until she finally gets me to blow a load in her mouth.

For me, I think it has to do with just getting used to her. I stay hard just fine, and my latest plate, in the 5 times we've had sex, 3 times she's had to beg for mercy and ask me to stop fucking her because she couldn't take anymore (I've been fucking her rather hard and kinda rough - she orgasms a bunch of times and eventually gets sore or something and needs a break). I've also lasted a real long time each time, and it's because I'm still in the "getting to know her" phase physically. Just not used to her yet, I know it will change in the future if I keep fucking her more often.

Fylingdale · 2017-02-20T21:45:44+00:00

First, if she asks, make a joke of it. You were teasing her, making her work for it, she had to convince little you to like her, etc. It's not an issue.

Proper response - this is 100% mental and probably comes from overstimulus of your mind rather than your body. You're so excited about the act that you start thinking about it. However, fucking and thinking about fucking are not the same thing.

You need to rewrite your reactions so that the response to the cue (her hand down your pants) is arousal and not thinking about anything else.

The way you do this is (and this may sound weird) is by thinking about the act which cues the potential embarrassment, or the possibility of embarrassment, as an exciting turn on. Eg if it was putting on a condom (a common experience), you reframe putting it on as something that makes you more aroused (because she is definitely getting a fucking).

The second optional ingredient is amplifying this by seeing your victory over the soft little wimp you were before as something that puts beyond doubt your virility. Again, this should just make you feel like a champion stud.

That's it. Every time you overcome it from now on solidifies your self belief. Which then means if it ain't working you can just turn around and say "later babe" with a big smile on your face. You're in control.

Fylingdale · 2017-02-20T21:45:45+00:00

First, if she asks, make a joke of it. You were teasing her, making her work for it, she had to convince little you to like her, etc. It's not an issue.

Proper response - this is 100% mental and probably comes from overstimulus of your mind rather than your body. You're so excited about the act that you start thinking about it. However, fucking and thinking about fucking are not the same thing.

You need to rewrite your reactions so that the response to the cue (her hand down your pants) is arousal and not thinking about anything else.

The way you do this is (and this may sound weird) is by thinking about the act which cues the potential embarrassment, or the possibility of embarrassment, as an exciting turn on. Eg if it was putting on a condom (a common experience), you reframe putting it on as something that makes you more aroused (because she is definitely getting a fucking).

The second optional ingredient is amplifying this by seeing your victory over the soft little wimp you were before as something that puts beyond doubt your virility. Again, this should just make you feel like a champion stud.

That's it. Every time you overcome it from now on solidifies your self belief. Which then means if it ain't working you can just turn around and say "later babe" with a big smile on your face. You're in control.

Fylingdale · 2017-02-20T21:45:47+00:00

First, if she asks, make a joke of it. You were teasing her, making her work for it, she had to convince little you to like her, etc. It's not an issue.

Proper response - this is 100% mental and probably comes from overstimulus of your mind rather than your body. You're so excited about the act that you start thinking about it. However, fucking and thinking about fucking are not the same thing.

You need to rewrite your reactions so that the response to the cue (her hand down your pants) is arousal and not thinking about anything else.

The way you do this is (and this may sound weird) is by thinking about the act which cues the potential embarrassment, or the possibility of embarrassment, as an exciting turn on. Eg if it was putting on a condom (a common experience), you reframe putting it on as something that makes you more aroused (because she is definitely getting a fucking).

The second optional ingredient is amplifying this by seeing your victory over the soft little wimp you were before as something that puts beyond doubt your virility. Again, this should just make you feel like a champion stud.

That's it. Every time you overcome it from now on solidifies your self belief. Which then means if it ain't working you can just turn around and say "later babe" with a big smile on your face. You're in control.

Fylingdale · 2017-02-20T21:45:48+00:00

First, if she asks, make a joke of it. You were teasing her, making her work for it, she had to convince little you to like her, etc. It's not an issue.

Proper response - this is 100% mental and probably comes from overstimulus of your mind rather than your body. You're so excited about the act that you start thinking about it. However, fucking and thinking about fucking are not the same thing.

You need to rewrite your reactions so that the response to the cue (her hand down your pants) is arousal and not thinking about anything else.

The way you do this is (and this may sound weird) is by thinking about the act which cues the potential embarrassment, or the possibility of embarrassment, as an exciting turn on. Eg if it was putting on a condom (a common experience), you reframe putting it on as something that makes you more aroused (because she is definitely getting a fucking).

The second optional ingredient is amplifying this by seeing your victory over the soft little wimp you were before as something that puts beyond doubt your virility. Again, this should just make you feel like a champion stud.

That's it. Every time you overcome it from now on solidifies your self belief. Which then means if it ain't working you can just turn around and say "later babe" with a big smile on your face. You're in control.

ecosci · 2017-02-20T22:57:47+00:00

Get your t levels checked but it could be porn and mental anxiety just dont think about let it happen or grab a blue or yellow pill.

SpinPlates · 2017-02-20T23:40:28+00:00

Nervousness to preform.

You and her both know you have to lay some serious pipe on the first time for her to come back.

Tamarin24 · 2017-02-21T00:47:24+00:00

Too much porn and jacking off.

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