I guess you could say I'm at the beginning of my red pill life mid-20s. 6"4 former rugby player so I'm starting from a good place. Gave up rugby when I decided not to start taking PEDs.

I think my grief is that there isn't 1 solution.

A lot of red pill is just good advice for a person, let alone for lost men. Assumed Rapore, abundance mindset, accepting your sexuality are all things that I can feel are actively changing my life for the better. However, there are a lot of bad things about it too. Promoting PUA, promoting soft rape (a girl will have sex with me because I treat her badly and she wants my validation, or I bat away her protestations as shit tests). On that, should this be entered into the sidebar:https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes ?

Not saying these are bad because they are immoral, but they won't promote a healthy outlook on life for yourself. (imagine all the PUArtists hanging round bars every Saturday night alone and horny, with their overly tight-fitting clothes and modern man fashion). Cmon man, live for something other than sex. get a hobby.

I'm fervently against the patriarchy. It is a bad way to run a modern society, but it had rules that you could follow, and that's what I'm really missing now. I realize the redpill is an evolving philosophy and doesn't have just 1 central theme but man thinking about all this stuff is so hard.

I'm going through so much cognitive dissonance I want to scream (ahem I mean manly punch something). I'm a staunch feminist, but all of this also true. The girl I have one-itis for used to say things like a feminist on the streets, slut in the sheets. She used to drop hints how she wasn't looking for anything serious at her age, now I see she had been keeping me around as a sort of back-up husband. It's crazy because, if she asked me now to commit, I would. We haven't even kissed.

Also, has everyone heard of the podcast "the guilty feminist"?

I just try to remind myself that this is all supposed to be enjoyable, stay in the moment. Push-pull playfulness and engaged listening. But I get creeping thoughts that whilst she's making me chase and work for things and wait for the 3rd date, she gave chad a blowjob with no sex on a holiday in Majorca after basically saying nothing to each other.

I try to remind myself about what I want. Do I want to be the one she snuggles up to on the sofa or the chad in Majorca? Because the chad probably has his own problems and lives an unfulfilling life, even if it is full of no attachment blowjobs and long-term steroid and cocaine use complications.

Lockdown isn't helping. I can see myself changing. For the better and for the worse. I don't hate women, I'm lucky enough to have several female best friends from childhood, but I'm starting to hate the way women and men interact. Also, can we start describing some things as toxic feminity. Like "the bitch shield". Shit test me in a nice way or I'm out, and it's not because "my frame isn't strong enough" it's because I don't engage in toxic masculinity (subverting the outright no) or your toxic feminity (trying to solicit the subversion of the outright no and only a real man can dismiss my rejection without caring). And walking away from a shit test feels like I failed when in actuality I chose not to engage in the toxic behavior.

What do I want? I don't know, like God or something to come down and consolidate redpill into one easy-to-understand bible, that has all the toxic parts removed. Also update a lot of the sidebar because some of the dating tips, especially those on texting are extremely outdated. The way we talk has just changed.

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It's both exciting and infuriating that we live in a time where gender roles are being constantly rewritten. Gone are the days of the landowner(man)/property(woman), gone are the days of the American dream Hollywood love story nuclear family, Breadwinner(man)/housewife(woman). We live in a society where there is an abundance of choices and excessive options. Freedom. You get to decide how you want your relationships to be. Do you want to be dark triad and have insecure, internalised lowvalue women doing everything for you by using phycological games. go for it (pretty toxic if you ask me). Do you want a traditional housewife who gives up her career and you have a lovely life of 2.1 kids in a white picket fence house. go for it (pretty boring imo). Do you want an endless stream of meaningful ltr but never quite settling down or committing enough to have kids. again. go for it.
There isn't a right way to live, and that is terrifying.