I have looked and looked all across reddit for something like this but I couldn’t find anything. So I decided to be the person I needed and use my own personal experience to develop a set of principles to follow in order to have success in your relationship.

For context, I’m [20M] and have had multiple friends with benefits over the years, some good and some terrible, but each has helped me find out what works best. I’m not saying this is a one size fits all, more on that on the last rule, but I still think it’s very useful to give the list a gander ;)

Without further ado, let’s begin:

  1. Honesty and open communication is an absolutely necessity.

I’ve seen it time and time again, where one party involved agrees to be FWB because they secretly have a crush on them. But since they are agreeing to sex as friends, there is no promise that it will eventually lead to a relationship. (Don’t get me wrong, it has and can happen, but it usually doesn’t). You have to be on the same page, for both of your sakes.

  1. Understand, your relationship with your friend WILL change.

It’s inevitable, it WILL change. DOES NOT MEAN IN A BAD WAY! I need to stress that, change isn’t always bad! What I mean is; sex is one of the most intimate and personal things one can experience with another person. This WILL change your relationship with your friend, but remember, it could strengthen it (and if you follow the principles, it likely will).

  1. Consent! Consent! Consent!

Just because you are friends, it doesn’t give you any more privileges, you still require proper consent before anything.

  1. Be vocal about your desires.

Talk to your FWB about what you seek out of the experience, being vocal facilitates a lot of the initial awkwardness because you’re both being more transparent with each other. This goes for emotional and physical desires. Talk about what you like/don’t like in bed, this is your chance to have fun with someone, take advantage. (Toys are great btw just throwing that in there)

  1. Remember what you agreed to.

You are friends, nothing more. Yes you have sex, but you aren’t in a relationship. Keep your eyes open for potential partners if you’re looking, you are SINGLE! Don’t lose sight of the forest for a tree.

  1. Protection

I recommend you two (or more idk), get tested for possible STD/STI, or any other forms of obstacles of the sort. And always always use some form of reliable protection. Just do it, don’t argue with me about it. Please!!!

  1. Do not forget that you are FRIENDS!

Do what friends do. My FWB and I always chill, it’s not always FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING, I like to just chill with my friend, cuz that’s what we always did prior to the sex. And that in itself will enhance your experience because you’re intuitively saying, “yeah we have sex, but we are still the same people with the same values, and we are cool with each other”, this allows you move between these two “modes” much easier.

Unless you only want sex, then idk what to tell you.

  1. Feelings involved.

Okay.. sometimes feelings do develop. And even though you know what you agreed to, this can happen. (On both sides) Logic is not the same as emotional intelligence. If these feelings do come up, you NEED to stop the sex and be transparent. Remember rule number 1? This is an example where you need to be honest and open with your partner. For your sake, and their sake. This is crucial.

  1. Once someone finds a partner, the relationship you developed is TERMINATED.

Of course this depends, some people partake in polygamy. I personally don’t, I hate cheaters with an unhealthy passion. And this is absolutely cheating if you or your partner is engaged in a relationship. Remember rule #7?, yeah, that rule helps you developed the emotional intelligence through experience to be able to transition back to your friendship. If it happens.

  1. This is secret.

I’ve found that agreeing to keep it secret from everyone massively improves the likelihood that the relationship will not only last, but the friendship can remain intact after the sex has ended. It’s a very spicy secret that you two share, and your mutuals would kill to know such a juicy secret. But don’t spill. It’s just isn’t worth it in the long run.

  1. Understand what you can lose.

I’ll be honest, a FWB relationship has many moving parts. Emotions are complicated, and not very easily understood. These principles are designed to help your relationship develop in a healthy way through honesty and interpersonal development. But understand that entering a FWB could result in your friendship taking a massive blow based on things that you can’t really predict. Like if either of you get romantic with someone, will you or your partner be able to handle being in the same room with your partner without feeling awkward? This is a secret that you two share, can you keep it? If you get pregnant, what decision have you made, will you both agree? Etc etc

This is the ugly side of FWB people forget because hey.. sex is very distracting I know. But this exists. And there are consequences to every action you decide to make. These principles will protect you from a good chunk of the ugliness that occurs to people who don’t think it through. But it isn’t a one size fits all, you need to evaluate your relationship and see if it’s a good fit for your lifestyle.

Hope this helps :D Love y’all muahhh