I hear this all the time. From my parents. From people on the internet. From friends.

And sure, it might possibly get you in trouble, but only IF you are excessively pushy and ignore boundaries. Most men are not like this however: they are simply awkward.

This is a fear for a lot of guys (myself included at one point). That they’ll get in trouble doing pickup or it’s illegal.

By the way the only guys in the pickup community who have actually faced legal trouble are old predators preying on young women (ex: Addy A-game) or straight up sociopaths being extremely pushy with women. If you’re an older guy and you approach a girl who is underage (17 or younger) DO NOT PURSUE. Just apologize and walk alway. Dealing with police because of pickup is HIGHLY unlikely unless you’re legitimately harassing women, groping them, or pursuing underage women.

But society treats pickup in general as if it’s somehow the same as harassment or assault.

And I am tired of it.

I am tired of the mainstream media downplaying this stuff for more “socially acceptable” ways of meeting people. (Besides not a lot of the “socially acceptable” ways of meeting people aren’t an option during COVID besides online dating).

I’ve been seeing quite a bit of stuff in the media (particularly with the recent events of Sarah Everard’s murder) about harassment and a new movement against men, #notallmen. Some of the rules that have come from this movement include stuff like “Leave women alone in public” or “Don’t approach women randomly on the street”.

Now I’m not encouraging harassment in ANY way, shape or form. I highly advise men to fully understand women’s boundaries and take hints that they are uncomfortable or not interested. But obviously there’s a clear difference in approaching women you want to talk to and harassing them. And it seems like society makes out the very act of approaching women to be harassment, even if you AREN’T being overly pushy.

This idea that pickup is “harassment” is spread even more by women saying they don’t want “creepy” guys approaching them randomly.

I’m saying this as someone who has been accused of “harassment” before (I was doing pickup on my college campus (6000 people) and accidentally approached some of the same girls multiple times without realizing it, so I completely understand why they were uncomfortable and I apologized). But I never did anything wrong or overly pushed boundaries.

I think the number one thing guys should focus on as much as possible when approaching women is empathy. Showing women you’re a normal human being who’s being respectful, polite, and socially calibrated will make them more comfortable AND will make them more attracted to you at the same time. Why? Because women want men who make them feel safe. A little bit of empathy goes quite a long way in making them feel comfortable. You can do this by simply asking them “Do you feel uncomfortable right now?” and if they say yes, apologize and walk away.

Ever since the pickup community gained mainstream presence, there’s been a ton of backlash against it for promoting manipulative and misogynistic ways for men to get women. But not all of it is like that.

You can still do pickup minus the manipulation. You can do it while still being empathetic and taking hints of discomfort. You can still offer positive experiences to women. IT IS NOT WRONG.

Absolutely do not be discouraged for approaching women. You are doing nothing wrong (unless you’re being really pushy and ignoring women’s boundaries, then yeah you’re doing something wrong and you need to learn empathy and respect). But approaching women is a perfectly normal and socially acceptable thing to do. And you will get rejected, as long as you take rejections with respect and dignity.

Some women themselves have even encouraged men to approach. I saw a reddit comment the other day from a woman saying she met her boyfriend of 5 years on the street. Another girl said she gives out her number and goes on dates with guys that approach her in the mall all the time.

And guys (myself included) have gotten many numbers and dates from approaching women.

Women WANT to be approached. Just in the right way and with respect. There is nothing wrong with that, and it’s not illegal.