Awkward silences on a date.

waldobeachclub · 2017-12-01T14:17:22+00:00

Embrace it

brinkrunner · 2017-12-01T16:52:53+00:00

Whenever there's a silence I just relax and start to people watch. The onus isn't entirely on you to talk the whole time. You don't owe that girl shit.

Luis_McLovin · 2017-12-01T15:05:42+00:00

Stare her down.

iHasABaseball · 2017-12-01T18:27:15+00:00

Have you ever been hanging out with your best friend and sat in silence for a short period? Sure. You're not supposed to ramble the entire time you're with someone.

If it happens consistently throughout the date, maybe you don't have much in common, which is fine. Or you're both nervous and the mind blanks in those situations.

Early in dating, it's of course pretty awkward, even knowing that both people are feeling the same level of awkwardness most likely. If this tends to happen to you and maybe you're not an exceptional conversationalist yet, that's where picking the date is important. Don't just go to dinner and sit at the table staring at each other. Go to a museum, sports event, etc. first. Then the substance of the date isn't 100% you feeling like you need to carry the conversation from the get-go...there's stuff around to discuss or laugh at or watch, and you get comfortable with each other while also building up a small inventory of interests or things to talk about later. Of course, ultimately at some point on the date you should make it just about you two and you should plan it so you do have opportunities to focus on each other.

In general, I don't think you'll ever have a date early on where both people are yapping the entire time or where there's not a lull in conversation. Honestly, early in dating there's most likely going to be lulls in the date in general, because at some point you're both going to think "wow, this whole dating thing isn't easy." You're trying to make an impression, so is she. Both people tend to overthink everything.

Just ride those waves. It's normal. To your last question, I would say you shouldn't always keep the conversation going, but also don't withhold a conversation that pops in your head just cause you think she should start something. Stay calm and relaxed, focus on what you all are doing (take a drink, whatever) if the conversation slows. Eventually one of you will break the silence. Again, in any social situation, there are going to be lulls in conversation unless you're with someone who just did cocaine or something "/

Your anxieties will leave as you gain experience. Anxiety is nothing more than worrying about expectations or uncertainty of what's coming in the future. If you feel the anxiety creeping up, bite down on your tongue if you have to and focus on the present...being there in that moment...consciously observing things about her or where you're at. What's the color of her eyes? What's the color of her hair? Notice the architecture of the building. Is the wind blowing? What's the color of those flowers over there? Is the traffic loud? Birds chirping? Pay attention to where you're at. Force yourself not to drift off into wonderland..."is this going well? Am I doing the right things? Is she bored?" Fuck the insecurity. Stay present, remind yourself that you're 100% enough, worthy of being on this date, and she's lucky to be out with a genuinely good dude (they're a minority really).

As you gain more experience, you can read girls and gauge how a date is going and where it could go next. When those uncertainties become more familiar, you'll be less anxious about it. Only way to get there is keep plugging away and practicing these mental habits when anxiety jumps in on your date...

DamnDatAssSoFine · 2017-12-01T15:57:31+00:00

One sentence:

The silence is awkward if you make it awkward

nextchapter2 · 2017-12-02T06:25:27+00:00

It can actually be a negative thing to try to fill every silence, especially if you do it in a nervous way.

It can be powerful to just sit comfortably in the silence and show that it doesn't freak you out. This can create a vacuum and lead to more sexual tension.

HomeSchooledFerret · 2017-12-02T19:18:03+00:00

Fart

panther552 · 2017-12-01T20:55:53+00:00

This is something I used to struggle with mightily. Awkwardly silences are not nearly as bad as you think, unless you are noticeably uncomfortable with them.

If there is a silent moment in the conversation, the important thing is to remain comfortable during the silence. Personally I am outgoing and love good conversation, but I am also introverted, I hate small talk, so I embrace moments of silence.

If there is break in the conversation, just make sure you appear to be comfortable with it, if you do that, usually the girl will come up with something to say, you put the ball in her court, which will make it like she is chasing you.

Also, towards the end of the date, and awkward silence is a perfect time to go in for the kiss.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-12-02T01:35:02+00:00

When you are feeling free and relaxed, with friends for example, there is almost never an awkward silence. You always have some stupid shit to say and talk about.

When you are with a girl and you hit that silence, it's because you're stifling yourself. There is something you could say, maybe want to say, but you don't because you are afraid she will react badly. If you want to break that silence, you're going to have to get rid of the filters, and say what comes to mind.

AstralSurfer11 · 2017-12-01T18:00:36+00:00

Use the line from Pulp Fiction about awkward silences when Uma and Travolta are on the date haha. I don't like them either but I am pretty good at preventing them. However if I feel like I have been asking too many questions or driving convo too much I'll pull back a little and put the pressure on her to reciprocate.

lambo2011 · 2017-12-01T18:48:55+00:00

True! It seems OP and I are overthinking the matter too much. Such as most questions in life, the answer is usually a simple one.

Bricemck · 2017-12-01T14:18:02+00:00

Use the search function in the side bar. There are lots of great conversation questions that get posted to this sub from time to time.

Awkward pauses are going to happen. If an awkward silence happens, it's because you weren't prepared.

Title	Awkward silences on a date.
Author	Zarconian
Upvotes	10
Comments	26
Date	December 1, 2017 2:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7gv5vz/awkward_silences_on_a_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/awkward-silences-on-a-date.1437764 https://theredarchive.com/post/1437764

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