I went out to a club yesterday and at one point we went to the bar area with my friend to chat and relax.

Next to us were a few girls, and I saw at least 3 different guys circle hovering around them for minutes, until one of them did a super weak approach, the girl mimicked with her hands “I don’t hear you” and the guy just left.

This is called the flinch - when you have that voice in your head blocking you from committing 100% to the intended behaviour.

In dating this manifests as taking too long to approach, approaching with 0% intent, only doing “safe” approaches that lead nowhere, chit chatting instead of flirting etc.

The biggest misconception is that successful guys in dating don’t feel this but they do - they just act in spite of it.

What always motivates me in these situations is I see guys with that flinch behaviour and approaching super weak like yesterday that I think to myself

“Do I want to look like that when I approach?”

The thought of me being a scared coward is 10x worse than going in full speed and getting rejected, which always motivates me to approach strong and not wait.

Also your focus is extremely important here - if you focus on all of the reasons why things might go wrong, you are giving in to the flinch.

I force myself to focus on the feeling of how I will see myself if I don’t take the right action and that again motivates me to do it.

Finally - self talk. How you talk to yourself in these moments is super critical.

“This is weird”

“I don’t feel like it today”

“Let me just walk around for 5 min more”

All terrible self talk.

Change it.

If you need some help with this, I wrote up a quick self-talk document for a buddy of mine as he was making the same mistake - shoot me a message if you need it.

Beware of the flinch - it will make or break your results in dating.