First, the big caveat that should always be stated when it comes to talking about the process: Everyone starts from a different place and learns at a different rate. Things are obviously different for the guy who’s had 2 or 3 LTRs but just got sick of being treated like crap in the relationship, and the guy who has never made an approach in his life. And, for all we know the latter guy will learn faster because he may have fewer bad habits to break and less baggage, but maybe not (probably not).

So now, on to the process, but really I’m just going to jump into an analogy. If you’ve ever read a book on the craft of creative writing, you’ve almost certainly heard the advice that you need to write 2 pages every single day. And the point isn’t even those 2 pages. It’s the next 2 pages. Writing 2 pages gets the gears going, the creative juices flowing, and once the mental machinery is on the writing starts to flow and you keep going. If you write 2 pages a day, odds are most days you end up writing 4 to 6 pages. Learning pickup is the same way. Practical limitations mean you probably can’t be opening sets every single day, but you do need to be going out twice a week if you can, and preferably consecutive nights. Friday and Saturday are the best, and if you can swing it, do Thursday night as well. Go out and open at least two sets each of those nights.

And just like writing, the goal isn’t to have those two sets go well. The goal is to get you into the groove, to get your pickup machinery turned on, because once you’ve opened two sets you can keep opening sets all night long.

That’s where a lot of guys go wrong. They go out with the goal of opening a set. They go out, open that set, get blown out, but since they’ve accomplished their goal they feel satisfied and head home. Now, if you’re an extreme beginner struggling to open even one set, this is okay. Baby steps are fine. But, if you’ve done this ten times already, it’s time to really get down to work. Commit to being at the venue no less than from 10pm to 2am, and if the place closes at 1am, push your clock up to 9pm to 1am, and then hang out on the street chatting with people after last call.

With those first couple of approaches you tend to be too much in your head, you get extreme approach anxiety, and things just tend to go poorly. You’re not learning anything in that state. It’s only once you’ve relaxed a little bit and are able to calmly think about your interactions that you really start to learn and improve your game. It’s an acquired taste, and acquiring it means immersion, not bailing out after the first bitterness has hit your tongue.

Not Everyone Can Hit a Hole in One Their First Time at Bat

One of the best ways to avoid outcome dependence early on is to focus on the process. If it’s your first time out, your goal is to make one approach. Doesn’t matter how the approach goes. If you did that you fulfilled your process goals and the night was a success. A good reaction from the girl is of course a nice addition, as is continuing to make approaches after that, but just make sure you have a clear objective for the night and when you feel the sting of rejection keep in mind what your goal was.

This is also useful advice for guys who are getting further along in the game. The more you progress the harder it can be to identify the incremental goal you need to accomplish, but with a bit of critical thinking I’m sure you can do it. Just remember to focus on what is 100% under your control, rather than putting the focus on results. Don’t make the goal of getting a make out, make a goal of going for a make out with at least 3 girls (though you can stop if you actually get it on the first try) – that sort of thing.

The Evening Ends the Next Morning

Going out and getting field experience is only half of the process. …Okay, it’s more like 90% of the process, but there’s still important work to do. The next morning, make some notes on what happened the night before. How many sets did you open? What openers did you use? How were the responses? How many sets hooked? How many times did you get blown out? Did you leave when sets just ran flat? Did you pick up on any IOIs? Were you getting some that you didn’t notice but are now clear to you? Could you have gone for a makeout but froze up? Didn’t kino enough? Whatever happened, make notes of it. You probably won’t ever return to those notes (maybe just for shits and giggles later), but the point is that writing things out helps you to understand your interactions better.

Actually write the damn things out! Sitting there thinking about it is not the same at all. I’d explain why, but I took a hellish composition pedagogy course this semester and I’m sick of that stuff. Just trust me that this is an important exercise.

So that about wraps it up, but before I go I want to point out something that’s missing from the process: Reading books and posting on Seddit. There are some very helpful books out there, and some people who can give really great advice, but they’re not really that important to the process. By all means, read the sidebar, The Game, Models, Art of Seduction, and MAYBE one other book. Read the 20 most popular Seddit threads. And then get your ass out into the field! That’s where nearly ever answer can be found. I very strongly recommend you have a ratio of no more than 1 post to 30 hours of in-field experience. Any more than that, and you’re going to be focusing too much on individual situations and non-problems that seem like problems because you can’t put them into perspective. This ratio also serves as a great motivator for getting back into the field. You’ve got specific sticking point you want help with? Okay, but first go out 4 more times with a process goal of troubleshooting that sticking point.