37m here. Been on many dates, dealt with many plates in my day. Have had plenty of success but just as much failure. I consider myself a very well put together, well mannered, interesting guy. I own my own home, have a good secure job, wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, and from the outside looking in would be the absolute ideal guy that a woman in her 30's would probably want. We all know however, especially in my world in New York, that having all that still only gets you so far. A lot of times you just have to have good "game" and do quite a large amount of work to win her over.

Getting blown off happens to all of us of course. Most of the time I see it coming, when I know the date simply didn't go very well and we didn't seem like a great match in general. I'll try for a second date and they'll send the text about not feeling a connection or spark, etc. But there have been a few times, really only four or five times I'd say in my entire dating career, where it happens completely unexpectedly. This particular time it happened after a second date which is even more surprising and I'll explain why in a minute.

She was 34 years old. Long story short- I've been on enough dates now and have enough experience to know and feel when a girl TRULY has had a nice time with me as opposed to just enjoying conversation. Our first date was over 2 hours at a local bar. We talked, laughed, and hit it off in many ways that showed with certainty that there was real chemistry going on and not just "good conversation". She sent me a nice post date text that I responded to, and she continued to text from there, quite a lot, until I said goodnight. The very next day I kept the ball rolling by reaching out and was going to eventually setup a second date until SHE started throwing hints at it first, going so far as to sharing a place that she thought would be good. The date eventually was set and we met up.

I can say for SURE that the conversation and chemistry did not change from the first date. This was that rare type of girl that I felt rather comfortable with from the get go, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her having drinks. We talked about casual topics as well as deep ones. We related to each other on plenty of stuff as well just as we did our first time out. Unlike the first date however, there was some kino(touching) involved on my part this time and while I wanted to kiss her at some point, she made it known that she is the type that likes to take it very slow with that stuff, and wants to feel truly comfortable with the person first. Now I didn't ASK if I could kiss her and got that answer, but instead this was just general convo about PDA, etc. I walked her to the train at the end of the night and it was damn cold out and I had my hands in my pocket. I made a casual fun joke about how if it weren't so cold I'd hold her hand. The entire night had gone so well in my opinion that I felt we were already on that level of sarcasm and joking and just enjoying each others company without fear of saying something too stupid. She heard me say this and made fun of me before reaching her hand around my arm since I didn't want to take my hands out of my pockets. We walked this way all the way until we said our goodbyes at the train station. There was a hug goodbye, no kiss given the conversation from earlier. I usually always kiss a woman by the second date but at this point I just didn't want to push any boundaries while also knowing that it didn't feel like the best timing just yet anyway. I decided it would happen on the third date.

Interestingly enough, this time I sent the post date text and said I had fun seeing her tongiht. Instead of her saying something like "me too", she thanked me for a "lovely evening". I've been in this game long enough to know when a post date text feels suspect and this was it. That being said, I STILL felt confident that we were going to continue on, as in my honest opinion there was too much chemistry to just end this on the spot. But, that's exactly what happened two days later when I reached out. I got the infamous silent treatment via text following by the blowoff later that night. "Don't think there is a connection". "I don't think we have the same vibe", she said. I must say I was in shock. Two dates, $50 each time spent by me, time, effort, all ended and over, within an instant. Really this is just not ok with me anymore, I felt. Not just bc of the money and all that was lost factor, but to think you MAYBE know someone (even though I don't fully) and think they're this warm fun friendly person who is also interested, and again, bam, they're done with you and you are kicked to the curb never wanted to be seen ever again. I was quite angry more than anything else. What on EARTH happened, I wondered.

Because for a girl to go out with you again after a first date, clearly there is already some if not a lot of attraction there. So the fascinating part to me is- what happened on this second date that was SO drastic to the point where this woman makes a decision that she NEVER, EVER wants to see me again? The only POSSIBLE thing as far as words went were when we spoke about what we want in our futures. She said she's "open to kids" but can't give a definite answer as she was never able to see herself having a kid unless she was with someone long term who she was in love with. Things got a tad weird though when we spoke about if we wanted marriage one day and she told me if she never gets married thats ok, but ultimately she just wants a "long term partnership" with someone. I answered confidently by saying I would like marriage and a kid one day, but that I understood her feelings, too. On we moved with the conversation to.

So I really don't know what happened and never truly will, but it was definitely one of the biggest shocks to me in dating in a long time. I've been around long enough to know that sometimes you can go on a date and literally do everything right, but some of these women (specifically ones in their mid 30's and older) who are just damaged and rarely find any guy good enough. But, that being said, again, this girl did not seem to be that type at all, whatsoever.