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[–]Kenic_In_MD 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good question, I have a bit of a baby face so people simply look at me and label me as a "Nice guy" or a "Gentleman" it's frustrating as shit. All I can say is be yourself, if you don't turn her on by being you. Being a fake version of you isn't going to do it either. I am probably wrong though.
[–]RashErrAtik 9 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I would say maybe try being assertive and dominant without being overbearing. This also has to do with confidence. People can feel how confident you are without you even opening your mouth.
Trying to fix your mindset is a step in the right direction. Strive to be someone that leaves others in awe or someone that demands their following.
[–]InexperiencedChap 9 years ago* [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
The thing that derails me is when I get snark or snide comments. That knocks my ego down a few pegs.
[–]RashErrAtik 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Could you give me an example?
[–]InexperiencedChap 9 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
"You'd probably apologise if you hit anyone for real" (I have a terrible habit of over apology, but I can also hit pretty damn hard).
[–]RashErrAtik 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that's low man. Personally, I would just take it in stride and laugh them off. It's tough though. That would be better that letting people know they got to you.
[–]marthdotsk 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Wanna put that theory to the test?" Unless it's a woman teasing you like that, of course. Then just flirt and don't apologize.
[–]UndidIridium 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Say, "thank you."
Clearly the context of those women is that they are from a point of ignorance; believing the stereotype that "fighters" are "mean assholes." You can thank the Boxing/MMA advertisements (and the like) for that.
Also, when they told you that you are a "nice guy," the very likely mean that you seem like a nice person, and not the "nice guy" term defined as someone who "is nice to women expecting reciprocation."
This is a non-issue. Treat it as such. Maintain your frame.
[–]luaudesign 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Defending and qualifying yourself is a terrible response, and asking "why?" is not challenging enough, and it still focuses on yourself as the subject. To make her qualify herself you gotta make her the subject and playfully accuse her of something. Swap your "Why?" for "Oh... so you've been secretly judging me the whole time, uh? You're that kind of person...", let her invest, then show that you forgive it by reframing her from a judge to a detective making deductions and do some more roleplay out of it. Make her tell you what else she was thinking of you, or begin by guessing stuff of people you can see around and then make her do the same.
[–]marthdotsk 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
" oh, but you're such a nice guy"
"Perhaps not as much as you think I am."
People tend to look at things as dichotomies. As if there can only be two options for any given situation, when nothing can be further from the truth. And trying to reason with these people, who in my opinion are just intellectually lazy, is more often than not a pointless endeavor.
You are what you want to be, not what they tell you.
As for dispelling the nice guy mindset itself, as long as you begin to start owning your shortcomings and work on them, and not let anyone disrespect you, you're on the right track.
[–]savagesteve_13 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Don't get defensive about it. If she thinks you're not the boxing type don't challenge her on it, just say "yep, let me show you a move or two". Thats called making it fun and interesting, versus making her feel bad for even having an opinion about it. Thats what "nice" guys do, get all moody and insult a woman and wonder why she doesn't come back for a 2nd date.
I try to mansplain (using this word ironically btw) why I do it whenever this happens. I mention that it's more about the techniques that you pick up from boxing, like finding balance, learning how to pivot the weight of your body to strike with force and so forth, and less about aggression. Doesn't really work :/
[–]savagesteve_13 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're getting too technical, its intimidating. Just give her a snippet of boxing technique, just a tiny bit. then move on to other topics, like her. Women love to talk about themselves even if its a piece of jewelry they bought at Hot Topic.
[–]InexperiencedChap1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah but I figure there's a lot of guys who box in order to make themselves more intimidating. I do it because its a great way to exercise when you're passionate about something.
[–]kalolilo 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Say "yes I'm very sweet and give her a kiss on the cheek."
When girls test you, they give you permission to escalate.
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[–]Kenic_In_MD 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RashErrAtik [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]InexperiencedChap [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]RashErrAtik 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]InexperiencedChap [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]RashErrAtik 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marthdotsk 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UndidIridium 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]luaudesign 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marthdotsk 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]savagesteve_13 3 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]InexperiencedChap [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]savagesteve_13 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]InexperiencedChap1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]kalolilo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link