Brutally honest post - Lying about past relationships and lying about having sex

SeducesStrangers · 2012-07-09T18:48:06+00:00

I don't like to discuss my past relationships on dates, and I let that be known. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I haven't gotten into long-term relationships because, I just haven't been lucky enough to meet someone I have that kind of connection with."

AnUnknown · 2012-07-09T18:53:22+00:00

Get out of this mindset that there's something wrong with you.

I get it, you're "old" for a virgin, whoop-dee-doo. You're a unique snowflake, similar but not quite like any others, and one of the ways you're not quite like the others is because you're no philanderer. Congratulations. Them's the facts. You can choose to either own that shit or to hide and lie about it.

Now, if I was out with a 28 yr old and she told me her longest relationship was 10 months, I probably would've responded the same way. It wouldn't matter what the truth was, I would expect that means a) unfaithful, b) promiscuous, and c) unsuitable beyond a fun evening here and there. I'm sure I'd be wrong half the time, but that's exactly where my mind would go once I heard that. Something tells me this isn't the impression you want to give (or, maybe it is, but I doubt it if you aren't taking these opportunities you mention).

askywalker · 2012-07-09T18:55:08+00:00

At 28, not having a past relationship is going to send a girl flags. It either means you can't get a girl, or you've been avoiding relationships. I actually think that a girl would be MORE concerned about someone avoiding relationships than not finding one. I would not lie about this in the future to women you want relationships with; it's a bit of a messy one.
Sex. Essentially I think guys need to go one of two routes on this. Either act as if you've been saving yourself, thus are a virgin by choice. Or you need to lie. I was a virgin when I met my ex. She even said in conversation before we hooked up that she would never date a virgin. What the hell did she expect me to do then? So I lied to her, I made up a story on the fly about some previous girls. Later down the road when we became a couple I told her the truth. She was a bit pissed off but who cares.
The number of sexual partners you've had is not really a girl's business, even if she's going to have sex with you. The only thing that is her business is knowing if you're clean. Telling a girl your number of partners upfront is almost always a trap. Too few? Must be a loser. Too many? What a man whore.
Stress that you date girls, you've had relationships and friendships but just that none of them have become official.
Every guy lies to each other about that starting at about 15 years old, despite the fact that most of my friends probably didn't lose theirs for another 5 years after that.

randomguy550 · 2012-07-09T19:49:40+00:00

askywalker;

thanks for your opinion

1) Yes, i am very well aware of that. What would you suggest? Going with the "AnUnknown" strategy with "no-plea" at beginning and then confession at some point?

2) Good info, essentially what i was getting at.

3) So far, i've only read about this situation but i catch your drift. Always a trap.

4) Good point, noted.

5) It took me some time to realize but I've figured that one out eventually …

AnUnknown,

thanks, bro. Well it's not so much of a mindset than it is a … burden of some sort, if you know what i am saying. It just feels like a load i keep on carrying for no purpose at all. The second part of your post is true and is another variation on what askywalker is saying in his response. Bottom line, it does send some signals it probably depends on recipient how he/she interprets them.

SeduesStrangers,

for completely different reason i too don't like talking about past relationships :) But nice line for smoothing things out; it implies i've been dating/had girls but just haven't found one to start relationship with.

teep0 · 2012-07-09T20:42:42+00:00

And that's when i LIE about my past. This lies are inconsistent (i don't have a "story" i just make up some bs on the spot) about me being in a relationship for x months with this girl etc.

Build up your narrative for when this comes up. I'd imply that I've had some girlfriends without going into details, and close it up with a little self deprecation ala just being unlucky, and then deflect back to her sexy earrings or something. At your age most girls will assume you are no longer a virgin, just make sure you know what to do when you get to that point.

randomguy550 · 2012-07-10T02:40:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

baaaark · 2012-07-10T06:29:42+00:00

You're lying because you feel you have a certain image to uphold in order to be viewed as attractive to the opposite sex. Let go, man. You're fine even if you have never dated a woman in your life. If others bring it up just don't chime in. And if anyone asks, tell them you are having fun enjoying life, which it sounds like you are (that's awesome btw, a thriving social life feels so gratifying).

To be honest, you will be judged by others, because that's part of life. But even if you have never dated a woman she will not care if you are her first serious gf if she likes you. No specific ANYTHING will matter if she likes you. Focus on creating that gut feeling in her, and forget about everything else.

spivey378 · 2012-07-10T11:57:58+00:00

Going through this now. She kept talking about all her ex boyfriends constantly on our weekend together as well.

She even asked me if I had a "gay experience" ever. Just constant prodding questions/shit tests. Really fucked me up and I really didn't recover with her.

I tried to make things light hearted and change the subject but couldn't

I'm 32 and never had a serious relationship, just small flings and usually with girls where there are logistic issues.

Her talking about her exes constantly made me feel inferior because of my lack of relationship experience. I've also only had 6 sexual partners and am pretty novice sexually since I never had sex with a long term girl friend.

2012-07-10T14:55:59+00:00

Just say I don't like talking about the past.

leodoestheopposite · 2012-07-10T12:11:13+00:00

Dude! Congratulations on having the courage to spill your guts, I am sure it was hard, and yet it made you feel better.

Don't be so hard on yourself, so life has dealt you this situation where at age 28 you are a virgin, and about the lying about it.... I am sure the vast majority of the people in this forum would do exactly the same thing. I know I would, I actually did lie about my virginity status when I was 17, I lied to the woman who was about to take my virginity about an hour before it was going to happen.

You posted seeking advice, and the only piece of advice that I can give you is to *stop being so hard on yourself, relax. If you are in this forum, and you're out there playing the PUA game, you know that soon, very soon, it's going to happen. How? we don't know. Should you lie about it or be honest? That is something that you need to decide depending on the girl, the circumstances etc... Nobody likes to lie (unless you are a politician), and nobody likes to be lied to, but then there's real life.

I bet that if you were to open a special account on OKC or other dating site, stating that you are a 28 yo virgin looking for that special person to take your virginity, you will have plenty of respondents, and within them, someone who is both pretty and with a compatible personality to yours... the possibilities are endless.

Good luck to you, and ... why don't you do a [FR] once that special event happens? I am sure there are other guys out there who are reading this post who are in your same situation.

Edit: I just saw this, and thought it was appropriate for you https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=446875875345864&set=a.244903342209786.71434.212514318782022&type=1&theater

Title	Brutally honest post - Lying about past relationships and lying about having sex
Author	randomguy550
Upvotes	11
Comments	25
Date	July 9, 2012 6:24 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wa60h/brutally_honest_post_lying_about_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/brutally-honest-post-lying-about-past.1335429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1335429

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