Gaming has suffered from numerous misconceptions of Chivalrous behavior. People today see chivalry as being something akin to opening doors for women, helping old ladies cross the street, or certain behaviors that they disdain as being 'supplicating' and as trying to make a dreaded 'nice impression.' These are false interpretations based off of lacking social experience.

Being a gentleman is way more subtle than that and requires a degree of social attunement.

Here are a few ideas to demonstrate the type of behavior I mean:

  1. Do not talk shit about other people behind their back, especially other women: There is never any need to talk shit about a person that isn't around you. Ever. It's pretty classless, it puts a spotlight on their ability to get under your skin, and it reveals you to be a negative and judgmental person. People want to have fun, they don't want to be around negativity and the definitely don't want to be judged. Vent around your friends if you'd like, but it's still a weak and circle-jerky behavior.

  2. Be generally polite: Do say please, do say thank you, do follow regular social norms (unless you can be very clever and witty to spice it up). If you are baseline a socially normal and cordial person you are way ahead of so many other dudes it's absurd. Being polite is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you are normal and empathetic (both of which are key for building comfort).

  3. Stop complaining: Complaining about your problems just shows you don't know how to deal with them and that they are making you emotional. It's negative and unappealing behavior and there's never any point where you need to engage in it. Take care of your shit like a boss and don't whine about your situation.

  4. Never let the girl, or any girl, look bad: If you notice close girlfriends they are always doing their best to protect each other and make each other look good and feel safe (unless they are frenemies or whatever). Do not criticize a girl in front of other people, don't make negative comments about them, do not say insulting things that make them look bad. You can get into playful or real spats but don't make a scene and degrade the girl in front of others. You can tease, you can call them names but it has to be teasing, sexual, assertive, and direct, in other words you have to know what you are doing. If you make a girl legit look bad in front of other people you will only build resentment. If you make a girl and all her friends look and feel awesome they will all love you.

To me, part of the main function of being a man and a leader is sacrifice. I don't mean sacrificing your identity, or your pride, or your boundaries but rather using your energy, your actions, and your intent to create experiences for others. You fill a strong presence to make others feel safe. You take action to elevate the mood of the people around you to make things more fun. Your intent leads people to know what to do, where they stand, and how to enjoy themselves.

Let go of the negative behavior. If you are the reason people around you are able to have a good time, feel secure, and have new experiences, you will get laid like a motherfucking rockstar and it will feel like the most natural thing ever.