[Field Report] Battling neediness, honesty, and vulnerability on a terrible date

headcase1111 · 2022-02-23T14:57:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

On-The-Mountain · 2022-02-23T13:13:28+00:00

I think you did great. Remember that the key of Manson’s point here is that by being your honest open self you may scare some people away because you dont align, and that that is okay. The relationship wouldnt be fun anyway if one or both of you couldnt handle the others’ values. In fact, by being this honest self that you were you might as well have escalated it quickly if the girl had been more aligned with you. Its just bad luck she wasnt, not on you. The only thing I advice you to do next time is to continue being open even when you feel the vibe drop. You can literally just ask her: Hey whats up I notice youre a bit closed suddenly. That shows 1. empathy 2. Care and 3. emotional honesty/ open communication. All of these are super attractive in any relationship, whether it be your mom, your best friend, or a girl you like.

sym-on · 2022-02-23T14:45:30+00:00

I would say you are overthinking it,

There might not have been a connection, And that happens, it's nobodys fault and not hers,

This might have actually saved you many future headaches and broken hearts (think for example about some couples that are together due to fear of being alone, but still not happy, would you live your life like that?)

By being yourself you attract the people who match your identity,

The above statement is probably not good if you look on getting laid a lot, Nonetheless it should not matter to you how many women you had in your life, especially if you count the strangers you bang one night and then never see.

I say quality over quantity,

Makes for much better experiences and a better life

Keep working on yourself

Cheers

2022-02-23T18:33:21+00:00

Mark Manson goes a little too far in some places like being a little too extreme about being overly honest and not needing other people. Its better to achieve a balance here.

Dating co-workers is complicated and telling her about your weed usage could potentially hurt your career.

Approaching a complete stranger at the mall and saying that sexual stuff to him is borderline sexual harassment. It was weird and creepy. Why can't you just say a normal pickup line?

Its great that you were honest about religion and other stuff even if it turned her off. Because these incompatibilities will become a problem if you get together. Just be careful what you tell co-workers because word can get around.

Even if this girl doesn't like you, you should stand up for women who are being sexually harassed by strangers in a bathroom. I'd do that for a complete stranger.

In your text, you said you had a lot of fun, but then you said you got mad because she seemed disinterested and you were upset by that random dude. Did you like the date or not?

recyclablebanthas · 2022-02-24T00:00:09+00:00

But the straw that broke the camels back was about to arrive.

As we were walking to the bar to grab drinks, we kept playing the guessing game about each other. We landed on religion, and I correctly guessed she was religious, and what branch.

She asked if I was, and I answered no....

The conversation didn't flow as easy, she seemed like she was kind of in her phone, she wasn't really looking at me as much. The signs of interest had been lost.

Dating is always a process of elimination. It was at this point that she revealed a deal breaker.

Unless you're hoping to join her religion, then finding out she was religious was a deal breaker and likely was for her as well.

At that point you're just trying to politely get through the rest of whatever remains of the meet.

So any problem from here on out was manufactured by a part of yourself that you need to have a talk with. You were doing fine before then.

merchant_of_mirrors · 2022-02-23T13:11:07+00:00

Are you sure you were fully being yourself and not just intentionally antagonistic to make a point? Because if you were, she definitely would have picked up on it. Also you can stand for your convictions without being defensive or rude when asked about them. It's all in how you disagreed. Time will tell if you turned her off but it sounds like it would've been a smoother date if you were a bit more agreeable.

MattPruga · 2022-02-23T15:40:09+00:00

It's great that you managed to show your values and thoughts without fear of rejection, it must be done, it's who you are.

Though, religion and politics are one of the things I would avoid by all costs until you are in a relationship with the girl, arguments are very common with these topics.

Perhaps you revealed too much too quick. Mystery and curiosity are big things when it comes to attraction.

vardarac · 2022-02-23T18:20:21+00:00

Don't be afraid to have a civilized discussion about beliefs.

She in particular seems like she might not be mature enough for that, but if you find yourself in a similar situation I find it garners respect to try to understand their position while also being able to coherently explain your own position and how you arrived at it.

Dating should always be fun foremost, but sometimes it's okay to press the pause button when you have investment.

Exmerus · 2022-02-23T21:49:08+00:00

You did all right, but Models is very radical about honesty and showing your true self. Sure, it will get you some great dates when the match is appropiate, but it can also ruin other good ones. You revealed too much about your stance in some arguably controversial topics by trying to strictly follow the honesty principle. You don't have to lie and it's fine that you were honest, but you could have avoided talking about them on a first date. I think those disagreements that are not very important by themselves, but all them coming afloat together this quickly and within a short time period can easily be a turn off for the majority of women. Getting to know someone is a gradual thing and women will be more likely to accept the small differences between you and her after knowing you a bit better first.

Had this not happened, the bar date could have gone much better, and the guy event probably wouldn't have happened, or you could have reacted positively differently to it. Your reaction is ok under the circumstances, since you are not his boyfriend and can't stop her flirting back to some asshole.

If you want to follow Models principles, you have to calibrate them better on the field. It's a good philosophy, but can be perjudicial sometimes and block potentially great chances if you don't apply it properly.

Title	[Field Report] Battling neediness, honesty, and vulnerability on a terrible date
Author	headcase1111
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	February 23, 2022 12:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/szgvl5/field_report_battling_neediness_honesty_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/field-report-battling-neediness-honesty-and.1266079 https://theredarchive.com/post/1266079

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