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[–]NTSpike 8 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
Don't think about other guys. Any attractive girl is going to be having other guys hitting her up, and it doesn't change your course of action either way.
Be non-needy, offer her only positive emotions, live your own life. Be centered in your life/mission and in your worth. The only way she'll chase is if she feels the best around you and you give her the space to feel your absence. Don't try and fake it, just live your life and offer her invitations to join in when it makes sense for you.
[–]CJdoesit 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice, what you said is spot on. Very new to the single life and its treating me really well, been swarmed by girls, but one question I have is how do I offer an invitation without seeming needy, as I stated I previously "offered" to grab dinner with her before my other plans cause I was in the area and I got some lazy ass excuse. Unsure whether it was genuine and I should offer again or to chill let things play out when we see each other next whenever that is.
[–]Citvej 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey, im going to x location friday. Wanna come with?
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Used this last night:
Last night I was going clubbing and I shot her text (mind you I had already tried making plans with her the previous night, but I felt like this was a good chance to invite her to something I was doing) and she said she was hanging with a friend and would ask if she wanted to come to which I respond "kk let me see if theres room for 2 more cause theres a lot of us tonight" then I get a text saying "We wanna come! Did you ask yet?" Heres where I think I messed up, it was early in the night, like 8pm, and I wasn't really checking my phone that much cause I was with my friends so an hour goes by after that text and then I respond "not yet" to which she immediately responds "its okay we are going to a hookah bar instead". And then I said "kk:)" Not sure if I handled this situation right, and also not quite sure where she stands in terms of me.
[–]Citvej 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Should have maybe met with her after I guess. I don't know now probably lay low for a week or so since she already happily accepted your invite.
[–]NTSpike 8 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Needy just depends on the place it comes from. If you fixate on that "rejection" and are constantly thinking about it rather than the rest of your nights plans, you're probably being needy. Otherwise, there was nothing wrong with what you did. You have to assume it was genuine and offer again at some other point and see what the deal is.
Fact is, some girl that totally blows one guy off will be the most on point, attentive, sweet girl for another.
Aim to be that second guy, and I don't mean with every girl you meet. If you aren't that guy with one girl, redirect your efforts to find girls where you are. Don't try to change the dynamic, it's a waste of time.
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Is there such thing as offering too much though? For example last night I was going clubbing and I shot her text (mind you I had already tried making plans with her the previous night, but I felt like this was a good chance to invite her to something I was doing) and she said she was hanging with a friend and would ask if she wanted to come to which I respond "kk let me see if theres room for 2 more cause theres a lot of us tonight" then I get a text saying "We wanna come! Did you ask yet?" Heres where I think I messed up, it was early in the night, like 8pm, and I wasn't really checking my phone that much cause I was with my friends so an hour goes by after that text and then I respond "not yet" to which she immediately responds "its okay we are going to a hookah bar instead". And then I said "kk:)" Not sure if I handled this situation right, and also not quite sure where she stands in terms of me.
And now after not succeeding in seeing her AGAIN I'm quite lost as to wait for her to make plans, either through our group of friends or to contact me directly, or to wait a couple of days and text her a generic I'm going here do you wanna come text.
[–]NTSpike 8 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
There is, but that's really just dependent on how a girl feels about you. If a girl is into you it doesn't really matter whereas if she's only somewhat interested, you have to be more mindful of not offering too much. Again, it comes back to the fact that girls will give more room for error to a guy if she likes him.
It just seems like you two had bad timing there. Don't sweat it, wait a few days and ask her out again. If she shoots it down without offering a reschedule, you can probably safely assume it's dead. Girls move their schedule around for people who matter to them. Unfortunately the more your invitations get turned down the less likely it will be that you see her as you simply start to lose momentum and her interest goes elsewhere.
her interest goes elsewhere.
This is what I worry about but I also don't wanna overstep and look desperate. If it helps, we are on summer break (go to the same school) and have all mutual friends so I see her at all the parties and stuff. Any advice here?
[–]NTSpike1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Going to be honest man, if you actually feel like you need this much help with an interaction, you're likely already fucked. Girls that are into you won't give you that much trouble.
You already know what your options are. Invite her out again, don't saturate her inbox, and hope she meets up.
[–]xXRemyLeBeauXx 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My advice is to ignore her, if she's a 10 and you just leave her alone (and also I assume you were good in bed and gave her a few O's) , she will eventually hit you up. that's been my experience with keeping 10s around. hell that's how I usually get 10s. if she's surrounded by dudes non stop and your the only dude not playing into that shit, she's gonna be intrigued. like "am I not good enough for him, let's see what he's about" same theory works for post sex as well.
[–]SpinPlates 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This rings true. Any time I fuck a Dancer/bartender/Bottle Girl/Model i don't ever fucking text them. They usually come around every month or so when they get horny
[–]Yass_King 4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If what you said in another comment about being "swarmed by girls" is true, there will inevitably be another girl as hot as this one and you will quickly forget the first one ever existed.
So live your best life, and at most toss her another casual invitation in a few days to do something with you – something you genuinely enjoy and intend to do anyway, and will have fun doing without her if she says no or doesn't respond.
The basic mistake you're making is focusing too much on one girl. Take it from a seasoned vet in the dating scene, more hot girls will come along and whatever worked with the first one will eventually work with one of them. No sense in thinking too much about this one – that comes from thinking she's special.
Tip: she's not.
[–]BScarecrow88 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Que Sera, Sera. If it is meant to be, she'll still show ya interest. Just ask her out again, you Know, using the typical, "Had a nice time, thought we hit it off, I felt a connection" banter as a "feeler" to see what she does. Let the chips fall where they may. Those guys hitting on her will do that.
I went out with my friend last night and accidentally pulled this HOT Russian chick back to his apartment. Solid 8/10 I ended up fucking her on his couch when we were shit faced.
She left at 6 am. I just texted her and she wanted to fuck again tonight at her house but I declined because I wanted to sleep in my own bed.
I'll probably keep fucking her ocassionly but I can already tell she's crazy.
So to answer your question...what happens after a hookup? Whatever you want go happen.
[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Two things
[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm worried it was a "one and done" situation
Why worry. It was what it was. Why would you expect more?
[–]CJdoesit 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not that I expect it but I want more
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
In general, unless you really fuck something up, if she will fuck you once, she will fuck you again. I mean, seriously about 100% unless you fucked something up (bad sex, too needy, acted mean, etc.). Not sure about the specifics of this situation but here's what I do which you can use in the future.
If I fuck a girl, she leaves in the morning or that night or whatever, I text her the next afternoon something along the lines of: "I really had fun with you last night. [try to reference something funny from the night before that is now an inside joke like: I still can't believe those shoes you wore but I guess I can get past it ;)]. Let's grab a drink (dinner, movie, park, etc.) on Wednesday at [name of bar]."
Leave it at that. She needs to know she wasn't used (even if she was) but she also needs to know that she doesn't control you. You want to text her and let her know you would like to see her but don't be needy by trying to force text conversation or putting too much control in her hands. Once she agrees to the plans, don't talk to her. If she texts you then you can text back but don't do any more chasing. Wait until you guys meet up again and don't skip a beat. Pick right back up where you left off by being flirtatious, comfortable, and fun.
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Really like this, but I feel it is a little too late for that text. Maybe next time we hook up ill use this, also the problem I'm having now is the dilemma of whether to wait for her to come to me or continue to invite her to things until she comes, as I said to some other reditors this is what happened last night.
last night I was going clubbing and I shot her text (mind you I had already tried making plans with her the previous night, but I felt like this was a good chance to invite her to something I was doing) and she said she was hanging with a friend and would ask if she wanted to come to which I respond "kk let me see if theres room for 2 more cause theres a lot of us tonight" then I get a text saying "We wanna come! Did you ask yet?" Heres where I think I messed up, it was early in the night, like 8pm, and I wasn't really checking my phone that much cause I was with my friends so an hour goes by after that text and then I respond "not yet" to which she immediately responds "its okay we are going to a hookah bar instead". And then I said "kk:)" Not sure if I handled this situation right, and also not quite sure where she stands in terms of me.
Also if I may add, this girl explicitly said to me that she was scared of my ex-gf (she is kinda crazy) and doesn't want people to know so she won't find out. Thus in a group setting she purposely acts cold towards me, how do I address this issue?
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't think you did anything wrong there. Sure, a little more timeliness and she probably would have joined, but you didn't do anything WRONG. It would have been much worse if you had just been texting her non stop trying to convince her to come and she kept using excuses. If you guys are friends on snapchat, the next time you go out without her, take a lot of snaps of you just having a blast. Not necessarily with other girls but just like you are having the time of your life. Don't send them to her but put it on your story because she will watch and it will make her feel left out in a good way.
In terms of the ex gf thing, I think this is a non-issue. Sounds like typical hesitation with whatever excuse she could think of. If she is into you then none of that will matter and she will start showing affection around other people.
One thing I would suggest is try being physical with her when you are around other people, but keep it hidden. For example: If she walks into the kitchen and nobody else is in there, go in and give her a kiss or just a sweet hug (I like to just say "hi" give a big hug and take a deep breath right in her ear - then walk back out. I can't explain my strategy here but I just think a good hug goes a LONG way - makes them know you feel comfortable around them and makes them feel more comfortable around you). I would also suggest just walking by her when she is talking to some other friends and just rub your finger along her back as you pass. Nobody will notice but she will know. That sort of "hidden PDA" (if you will) kind of makes it feel like you guys have this special little hidden relationship - it can make things sexy.
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I tend to always post stories of me having a blast :) Its such a good way to subtly show you don't need her.
One thing I would suggest is try being physical with her when you are around other people, but keep it hidden
This is a really good point, will definitely use this when we are in a group setting next.
makes it feel like you guys have this special little hidden relationship - it can make things sexy.
Building on this, we were texting and I brought up how I think that the sneaking around was hot and she said "hahahaha, you think its hot while I'm scared af" don't know whether that was a positive reaction or not.
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sounds more positive to me than anything, she was probably kind of kidding. Obviously I don't know the backstory so I'm not sure if she should be actually scared of your ex but I would try to steer her away from this rhetoric if it is a common theme. When she says stuff like that you can just respond with "you're being dramatic, she's not going to find out and even if she did there's nothing to worry about. We're done, she knows that, and if she were to ever come around I would obviously protect you."
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great advice thank you will definitely say something along those lines next time :)
[–]ClassyMuthaFucker -2 points-1 points0 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I feel like I lack actual experience in this department, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.
But I recently ran into this situation and I felt like I handled it wrong. I believe the correct approach is something like 'After you guys bang the first time, ghost her for a week or two, then hit her up'. If you get no response, or she says no and offers no alternative, maybe try again another week or two later. If still nothing, move on. Some girls will just be one time things.
Can anyone verify this for me and OP?
[–]CJdoesit 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In my experience I wouldn't say "ghosting" her is the right move, rather I would say not being needy in the sense that you hit her up right away saying lets hang out. But rather let her wonder why you aren't hitting her up. Live your own life and make her apart of yours not the other way around. Im struggling in getting this girl to chase me, but what I realized is that for that to happen I need to keep my distance and have fun in my own world and keep improving on myself in many ways, this way its apparent that you don't need her to have fun.
[–]Citvej 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Waiting a week would sure look disreapectful A day or two should do
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[–]NTSpike [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Citvej 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Citvej 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NTSpike [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]NTSpike [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NTSpike1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]xXRemyLeBeauXx 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpinPlates 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yass_King 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BScarecrow88 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpinPlates 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]beernsleep 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ClassyMuthaFucker -2 points-1 points0 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CJdoesit 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Citvej 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link