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[–]plowzedong 9 points10 points11 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You're too available.
Talk to other women.
[–]TallDarkandBot 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see this a lot but can't relate. There have been women in the past that I talked to all day for weeks and they are just as interested. Its probably something else and a case by case basis.
[–]RobbieGarrett 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Doesn't make sense? I chat a few times to her per day.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]RobbieGarrett 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But how does it go to sleeping with her to this? You'd think next step is meet up, she's not wanting too? But wants to talk still. Clearly - as since I've received the usual long messages.
I agree somewhat, because as soon as I short replied her. She noticed straight away and said sorry.
But anyway, I speak to her twice a day, maybe a bit more. How does playing the game of low supply make my value go up? I mean she ignored me for 48 hours last week. I had zero intention of replying - she got back to me. Is this what you mean?
[–]alias_guy88 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Instead of being honest with her, you lied about your true intentions. You want to be more than friends. This is how men get permanently fixated on one particular woman.
Ive seen this scenario a few times, I've also been in it.
Guy has investment - guy keeps messaging girl he hooked up with - she messages back - she never agrees on a second date or maybe he does and it's incredibly quiet - he keeps messaging her all the same - she loses attraction or now feels she needs to let him know about the loss of attraction- friend zone.
When she told you she wasn't looking for anything else you should have replied with.
"I respect your honesty, but being friends isn't really what I wanted, I was more interested in dating you, seeing where it was going. I think being friends isn't going to work. I think we should part ways here".
Then you move on, and you do so without looking back, you accept that she's gone forever.
I agree with the comments on here as well. You were too available and you didn't go for what you wanted, you should have put your intentions on the table so to speak, either by trying to escalate or verbally. By texting her too much and not establishing boundaries you messed up.
If you asked her out once and she said she was busy, give her the benefit of the doubt and propose another time the following week. If In the upcoming days she still doesn't know. Tell her.
"Hey I like talking to You, you really seem like someone worth knowing. But, I can't waste my time trying to organise another date when I feel like you don't want to go on one. If you ever feel like doing something let me know, if not that's okay too but I'm not really looking for a friendship".
After that you've succeeded. You've established your boundary and what you want, you polarize her immediately. I've gotten mixed results from this, girls coming back into my life weeks later, girls verbally abusing me (which was great, I didn't want to date someone like that anyway), girls not replying, girls agreeing or apologising. They're all good responses, because you find out the truth there and then.
I was honest with her? That doesn't make sense - she knew what my intentions was because she instantly wanted me to know that she's not looking for anything right now. But that's not stopping me from talking to her right?
How much texting could one not do? Her messages are very long! She shows interest in me and what I do, that's thoughtful. Not many girls have done that with me except a few. Especially after what is now just a one-night stand that's ended in a 'friendship' or a 'texting buddy'?
That's my struggle now, is where do I take this? We are still messaging eachother. But she's putting in a lot of effort that I am giving her a proportionate amount of response too. All the suggestions to ignore her and let her squirm could backfire hugely? Who's to say it would work? That's the worry.
I've done it recently with a girl from the summer, and she's still nagging me every now and again and now misses me.
[–]alias_guy88 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No your intentions weren't honest in the end. Look:
I replied to her conversation but a short response, and the
"Yeah that's cool"
Next morning she replied straight away saying
"Sorry :("+ "Hope your day goes ok x"
I told her that it was fine and that we are cool.
It isn't 'cool', you don't want that, you want to be something more, this isn't honest living. I ask you, how is this being honest with yourself or her? It's not. Your response should have been, "It's a shame because I get good feeling from you, and I would have like to get to know you more. I'm not really looking for a friendship, but I hope everything works out for you".
Messaging is a terrible form of communication in general. 90% of all texting I do is to set up dates. My past dating experiences, I would text large replies, and she would follow suit. When a girl knows everything about you, what's the point of getting together? Keep it more casual and utilize messaging for dates, reply when you can, but don't over communicate with it. When she reaches out to you, just message her, tell her it was great to hear from her, and set up a date.
That's my struggle now, is where do I take this? We are still messaging each other.
Do you want to be friends with her? She's un-receptive now.
But she's putting in a lot of effort that I am giving her a proportionate amount of response too.
She enjoys the communication between you two. She doesn't see you as a romantic interest though.
All the suggestions to ignore her and let her squirm could backfire hugely?
No, the strongest position you can be in is when you walk away and mean it.
Who's to say it would work? That's the worry.
What you are doing now, being 'there for her', is going to be WORSE than walking away. Sticking around and waiting for her to 'Change her mind' one day is sad. If you walk away, your value is reestablished, it shows her that you aren't willing to wait around, that she isn't the only one in your life.
I have had similar experiences as you early on, they follow the same series of events, > Meet girl > Take girl on date > Text and communicate regularly > Date two (or maybe not) > Invest in girl > Girl begins to lose interest > Express interest > She doesn't reciprocate > Friendzone.
It should be like this > Meet Girl > Take girl on date > Establish boundaries and Values (if they are different then walk) > Text to set up next date a few days later > Date two (If not walk away, tell her to let you know if she ever wants to get together) > Continue to focus on yourself don't over invest > Continue to see her and other potentials as well > Reply to her messages to set up the next date > Keep having fun dates > Eventually she'll want a commitment.
[–]LingeringGnome 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I made out with a girl from work, we got talking and this ended up being a very good night at hers. We exchanged details and we've spoke ever since, everyday.
I made out with a girl from work, we got talking and this ended up being a very good night at hers.
We exchanged details and we've spoke ever since, everyday.
Mistake #1. Yappity-Yap-Yap. Too much contact.
I decided to ask her on a date, as we agreed we would go for dinner.
Mistake #2. A dinner date is too much of an investment in time early on. A simple drink or two is far more effective and standard.
My friend you MUST learn to understand context. Look at the world around you. Look at what happened on your first night with this woman. She fucked you.
When a woman fucks you on the first night, your next move is to invite her over to your place for more sex, not a dinner invite. It's casual, and she's okay with it being casual.
She said she was super busy and would get back to me. I totally brushed this off and waited and waited but yet she'd continue to keep in contact with very long messages. Sometimes 5-6 long messages.
Not a bad sign at all.
Messages were normal, actually didn't have to try very hard unlike I've done in the past. Conversation flowed
whenever I see the phrase "conversation flowed", I think "the guy is texting way too fucking much".
Texting is for ARRANGING MEETS in early courtship, or sexting. Not exchanging novels.
Also, you don't need "conversation to flow" to seduce women. You need physicality. You're not looking for a debate partner. I really dislike that fucking cliche.
she'd always respond
Why are you texting her so much?
even if not straight away or she'd be busy and apologise for any late messages when in reality it was fine. (Why can't all girls be like this?)
Stop OVER-TEXTING WOMEN.
I randomly bumped into her during training yesterday and she gave me a hug. We chatted for a bit but she had to go back to her course. She hugged me again.
This woman looooves your attention.
Remove it and watch her squirm.
I text her saying it was really nice to see her.
Holy shit this is so boring, lol.
You: That hug got me worked up.
She said the same, but that it was random. So in conversation I said we should definitely go for dinner.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
"Yeah would be cool... But not really looking for anything if I'm honest at the moment but up for hanging as friends"
You got friend zoned by not escalating, and not acting like a dominant man.
lol.
She continues to send me long messages!
Ignore them and see other women.
This is so common. Guy gets a taste of a woman, then acts like a kid who just wandered into a candy store, spazzing out and can't keep his hands off the candy (over-texting), and chases the woman away.
Look, women who hook up with you on the first date are sexually liberated, stronger, and independent women. It's OKAY to give them space after you fuck them. in fact, they WANT it. It's how they find out if you're emotionally-centered enough to be in their lives romantically.
I have a fairly simple filter on first dates: I don't date conservative women. So I either bail on the date alone (a woman who didn't pass my tests), or end up having sex with my date, or at least oral sex or a very heavy makeout session.
What do I do the following week?
Nothing.
If she liked me, and the sex, she'll do the feminine thing and reach out to me. When she does, I'll invite her over to my place.
If she doesn't text me or contact me, no big deal.
[–]RobbieGarrett 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fair point, but how do you impose I keep her interest. By playing the game?
Fair point, I won't make the mistake of dinner early on.
Yeah and that was something I didn't go in for, she kissed me because all the signs were there and I let it happen without much thought.
I think she already did it. She said I should let her know when I am around her way. Was that an invite? But I am guessing I've gone from seduction step 15 to 1 in one text message. That really sucks because I enjoyed the night with her, a lot.
So why do you say I am texting her too much? It's mutual that we text each-other. I don't even reply straight away, as I am busy doing whatever I am doing and when I get chance I read the message. I learnt this with past girls and with most recent girl from the US. (By the way about her: she misses me and still thinks I am amazing, despite me not talking to her regularly since September. But she wants to see me soon. Strange world we live in.)
I've noticed, I've kept her messaging me for 20 days straight. Surely something I am doing must be right - like you said.
Look at what happened on your first night with this woman. She fucked you.
So why does she have any interest in me? She must remember the night, she's mentioned it once or twice saying it knackered her out.
But will that backfire? When I've got a consistent conversation going with her. I find that very very difficult to maintain with women these days, not on my part but they get bored very very easily unless your incredibly fit and an ass-hole. I'm neither, although I've had the later recently because I didn't reply for 2 days with another girl.
Rest assured that if she stops talking for whatever reason, I'll not be messaging her first. It's happened once already with this girl, she messaged me back and apologised. Works with previous aforementioned girl - and she's coming out with the "I miss you" and "Want to see you soon" messages.
I get it - I've gone from step 15 to step 1 - now I want to get back to step 15 with this girl because she's not just good in bed, she's a nice girl and seems to show interest in me. Why else would I post on here?
Look, women who hook up with you on the first date are sexually liberated, stronger, and independent women. It's OKAY to give them space after you fuck them. in fact, they WANT it. It's how they find out if you're emotionally-centred enough to be in their lives romantically.
This wasn't a date, but I am guessing the same principles apply? I've probably not come across correctly when I say I message her. The messages are long, but not novels. What she writes, I write back with equal amount of content. She's even sending me the odd question about something. But as you say she loves my attention, and that's the only reason for her talking to me.
"Sorry :("+ "Hope your day goes ok x" lol.
Well it worked didn't it. It went from long messages to a short/blunt response and she responded straight away.
I've been using this lately. I only seem to be matching women on dating apps that are conservative. I get bored very easily with that stuff, but I've got a date with someone I've been speaking to since yesterday this Friday and they've said Cocktails, 730pm suits them.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean, what do you want exactly? Do you want a girlfriend or a fuck buddy?
Because the way I'm reading it is she wants to keep hanging out but wants to be clear it won't lead to anything right now. So I would still hang with her, flirt, escalate and see what happens. But don't put all your eggs in one basket either. It's simple, once the floodgates open and you hook up with a girl, it becomes easier to have it happen again with her, unless you were bad in the bedroom. At least from my experience.
That's a good question. In general or with this girl; because I want to pick wisely. I don't want baggage and sleeping with them you can sometimes find out a lot more as to if you want to continue or not. Does that sound bad, or is that the male way?
She seems to want to keep talking to me too. Despite the intermittent blip of her saying she doesn't want anything right now. I see this from a female pov is that she means she's not interested in me romantically? Or is that just common bullshit?
It's getting to meet up with her when she comes back, I think chatting with her she'll be more willing to meet up, because right now she's got some massive defence up. I mean she wanted to get away quickly when we was at lunch together, so not sure how easy she's going to be to get to a bar, let alone hang with her. Shall I just say, when do you want to hang out?
But yes, I want to with her again and take it as it comes.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you're overanalyzing and overthinking this a bit too much. You have her on a slight pedestal and need to stop. Go on a date with another girl in the meantime.
[–]mostlyart 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Stop texting so much, stop analyzing the messages, talk to more women.
Why'd you agree that it's cool to just be friends if you're worried about being in a permanent friendzone? Sounds like you're not cool with it. Don't be just friends with a girl if you don't want to be just friends with her.
I am cool with it. Because I have options, that a failed relationship such as this and like my previous encounters that didn't end successfully - I move on.
Was this a success then? My friend says "we both got what we wanted". Be friends and leave it at that.
[–]Lambdal7 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She is testing you to see if there is any manliness or savage in you.
You could have responded, "Yeah that's cool, except I will pull your hair after dinner." and she would be sulking over you the whole night.
You just need to be morr flirty/alpha and tease her hard (without being a dick) and she'll come around.
Good advice. I am flirty and so is she, but not like full on flirty?
[–]Lambdal7 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good go ahead.
[–]Burnafterpostinghere 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think she wants you as an orbiter
How does that make sense when I've slept with her already? Isn't it for guys who want to get laid?
[–]Daniele_Lyon 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Another option. She could be a manipulator. Not enough information to say.
What info do you need?
[–]GuyFromDaStore 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You should have just asked to netflix and chill again. If she made out with you once, she would be up for another 'session'. A man should take charge and quit meekly asking women what we are permitted to do with them or to them. Instead of quietly saying "howdy" you should have just grabbed her and hugged her and said "hey babe" and planted a deep kiss right on her lips, then just let her go and continue on what you're doing.
Yeah that's a big flaw I guess where I messed up, but I was being conservative hoping that would land me a second session. Maybe that is where I go wrong is that I am too conservative. I guess she could always say no? Worth asking my next encounter for round 2 rather than a measly dinner date.
Any knowledge how to get this back on track?
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Lol! Different departments, across the country.
But only 27 miles.
[–]throwawaylilbastard 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She doesn't know what the fuck she wants.
I can't help her with that surely?
[–]TotallyWorrie -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
You need to schedule a time to hang out with her as "friends" then cancel because you have a date. Don't respond to her texts for awhile. (I don't meant ignore her for a week) I mean if she texts you, read it and put your phone back in your pocket and go do something.
Try to forget about it. Then text her back later that night. You changing your normal behavior around her will cause her to ask questions. Be vague in your answers. Tell her you've been busy hanging out with "insert girls name"
Make sure you have a real girl though, you make one up and she finds out, you're fucked.
EDIT: the whole point of doing this is to accomplish two things. It shows your a valuable commodity because other women are talking to you and spending time with you. It also shows that you don't idolize her and she's replaceable to you.
It's not a sure fire thing, but it could work.
[–]plowzedong 4 points5 points6 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is retarded and manipulative.
Either she sees through your ploy or feels offended. One of those is the most likely outcome.
It shows your a valuable commodity because other women are talking to you and spending time with you.
Why not just talk to and spend time with other women. Why lie about it like a weirdo
[–]TotallyWorrie -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I didn't suggest lying, I suggested just the opposite. I can understand that you'd not want to consider purposely creating a conflict in schedule and that's fine.
The point still the same.
[–]plowzedong 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ya, I guess my main issue is that it's transparently manipulative. Shit like this....
Be vague in your answers. Tell her you've been busy hanging out with "insert girls name"
You first say "be vague", then to blabber in a gossipy way about who you've been hanging out with. That's opposite advice.
It seems like you're trying to have it both ways. Keeping in contact with this girl, and treating her as a friend. You should be taking the opposite approach: treat her like a girl you want to fuck while being willing to drop the relationship without second thought.
I tell girls the same thing: "I'm with a friend." Or I just don't answer the text. But I'm actually with a friend or busy and don't want to mess with texting. It's not some scheme.
The OP is fucked anyways because he's become the texting buddy. And your whole comment is just a very elaborate and convoluted expansion on my original advice: "You're too available. Talk to other women."
[–]TotallyWorrie 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fair enough.
Yeah - it seems that way. But how do you know for sure? 20 days on from our session and she's still putting in 100% effort to what she was doing 19 days ago.
Again, what else can I do?
[–]TallDarkandBot 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is horrible advice.
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[–]RobbieGarrett 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lambdal7 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Burnafterpostinghere 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]throwawaylilbastard 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]TotallyWorrie -1 points0 points1 point (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]plowzedong 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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