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[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Dating has always been broken, it's just that it was done at a really slow pace. Now it's simply more inclined to social media and photography and much more efficient. It's now about you're photo's and followers, which favors women
Attraction and arousal is still the same as it was thousands of years ago. This can't be broken by an application. If you are attractive, you date and have sex, if not, you don't. The rich get richer in other words
So I'd say no, same shit different smell
[–]G-Dalf 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Not sure if I agree with this - because of social media/apps, it's now easier than ever to get dates. Especially for women. So I'd argue it's easier for girls to date, have sex, etc. then ever. This is good if you want those things, but as mentioned in other comments, can also skew their mentalities/self worth and make it hard to commit. This in turn skews guys chances who aren't near the top of the totem pole.
From guys, I do think it's more of "the rich get richer" and it takes more effort for most guys to stand out. More than ever we will have to create attraction and interest through things other than good pictures (unless you have really great pictures, in which case, the dating app world is your oyster).
[–]Quantum_Ent 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I have to agree with this ^ A guy wont always find a women but a women will always find a guy. With apps its just easier. When things get easier, mentalities get lazier and I think thats where we see a decline in connection. Those good guys are out there but women are just surrounded by so much attention its like swimming through rapids. when you do finally talk, they're boring and can't hold a conversation, because they're to lazy to give a fuck. At least IMO
[–]TallDarkandBot 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm my experience its not who will or wont, it's a matter of inflated egos. When i approach women in public, i have ease pulling women at the top of the food chain. On dating apps, however, i notice those same women are non existent and even your middle of the pack attractive women are much more entitled than they would be in person.
This isn't a phenomenon, it's just simple economics: there are much more men just using tinder to talk to women than actually approaching women in public.
[–]G-Dalf 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it's good and bad - on one hand, yes women are getting so much attention and maybe that leads to some laziness. But on the other, it's easier to stand out as a "quality guy" from the crowd if you're not just another guy with a lame pickup line, selfies on your profile and are actually willing to approach in person.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Is women not committing a bad thing ?
Sure, though there's a difference between a man with abundance and a woman with abundance. A woman in abundance doesn't actually affect your power as a man
Social media and apps has fucked with access, which cold approaching has always solved, the rest of the interaction is still the same, infact the quality of face to face interactions has declined
So if you can picture the hot girls on Tinder that would not have swiped right or returned a dm, and picture you approaching her in a mall, club, wherever.. you have access now. So you "swipe" right, 10 times a week and see who you match with
[–]ethical_pa 10 points11 points12 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Great post! Very interesting idea.
Yes it certainly seems that way. From your description of the female perspective: You would think though that meeting a woman via cold approach, when things go well and there is chemistry, that this would be an awesome experience for her. Something that is far more real and filled with emotions than the average guy who's presence is defined by blips on her phone. Yet, we STILL are faced with a high flake rate with cold approach. Its almost like the broken dating market has broken us.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]ethical_pa 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok I'll bite...
:)
[–]Indoctrinator 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Feels pretty accurate from my experiences. I’ve been on dates with about 50 women in the past 2.5 years mostly met through tinder. Granted I’ve met a lot of cool women, became god friends with 5 of them, and slept with a handful of them. But it never seems to develop into anything more than that mainly for the reasons you’ve mentioned.
I have women friends who have admitted that with the amount of men they match with on Tinder it makes it difficult for them to “commit to one” in a sense. Even when they meet a “good guy” there is always that sense of curiosity that the next guy might be a little better. Then they complain that they get caught in this endless cycle of meeting guys, but never meeting any “keepers.”
This is especially true in the big city where women can match with 90+ guys in a few days.
At times it can feel the game is broken, but maybe this new “dating app” game needs to be approached with a new strategy. As the old traditional dating strategies are becoming to obsolete.
What those new strategies are, I have no idea.
[–]lordofunivers 7 points8 points9 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
As an average guy, I have much more succes IRL than on dating apps that need a lot of work for taking good pictures and writing bios. At some point, I have to like 70% of the woman to have some match. It look more like a lottery than meeting someone. Then, I have to conclude very fast because a lot of guy have been matched as well.
Again, I feel that a lot of woman are isolated in their own bubble that technology created us. Maybe the new trend will be to return to the basis. Trying to seduce woman IRL and produce an bigger emotional impact.
There is another critical mater. Finding someone that MATCH like a chemistry. The chemistry that you don't have to say anything and you feel that the other person complete you? This kind of match is so rare and when you find one you know it. That is something that you cannot see when you are searching with a dating apps. That is why some chat IRL will give you some insight about that chemistry.
I could be wrong, but I see a comeback of the old dating strategies.
[–]Indoctrinator 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I definitely see the value in trying to date IRL more than dating apps. From my experience, I’m getting around 1.5 dates from women I’m meeting on tinder, but around 2.5-3 dates with women I’m met outside of tinder.
I feel like women on Tinder make judgements on men a lot faster than women who don’t use any dating apps. I’ve had female friends who use dating app admit that it’s too easy to just find one little things that’s not perfect about a guy and just move on to the next one.
[–]lordofunivers 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, they choose men in dating app related to their specification. They are not emotionally hook. However IRL, you can try to get them hook with seduction. I had to practice and read a lot before getting confortable IRL. For me it's much more rewarding.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChocolateLad 8 points9 points10 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey! Your site is really quite interesting. Glad I stumbled upon this post.
As for your take on the dating market? Sure, it's pretty spot on. I didn't realize girls were just as frustrated as guys are. Thanks for the perspective, Chris!
Still, I have to ask: Do you really think "being yourself" is the best way to change one's dating life? Shouldn't it be about standing out and differentiating yourself from the competition?
[–]arvliet 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope. Be "you", and stand your ground. That said, you have to know who "you" is first. At least, that's what worked for me.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Tell that to younger guys. Girl turns 18, she's at her peak, will get all the shit for free if she's even remotely attractive. Guy turns 18? He'll be the lowest value possible.
[–]_mango_mango_ 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At 14, creepy relatives and strangers start coming on to her.
Yeah, no thanks.
[–]ImJustSo 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think it's broken. I've been consistently using dating apps and meeting women from my day to day life for about 7 years now. I've encountered all the problems you can with dating. Now my differing opinion is probably based on the things I try to get out of my dating experiences. I'm not trying to lock a girl down, I'm not trying to bang every chick I can, and I'm not looking for anything specific except good times with good people. My outlook is all about getting to know people, possibly having great sex, and possibly falling in love. I've succeeded at those things enough times that my view of dating is a positive one.
Sure, there's all kinds of annoying behavior that I have to deal with to get what I'm after, but that's just dealing with people in general. Putting up with people's shit is just necessary when dealing with people at all.
What I don't see is a competition between me and other men. Perhaps that's just my attitude towards relationships in general, or perhaps I'm just a "winner" compared to other men, but I highly doubt that. If some chick loses interest because of some other dude, I don't give it any thought. Typically, I don't have issues with keeping a woman interested, assuming my interest is there for her. I've noticed that the women I'm most infatuated with usually reciprocate, so if a woman does lose interest, I notice that I wasn't treating them as I do other women. So it's probably that I'm not interested enough either, and they move on.
I am great in person, but I'm pretty damn good at online dating, too. I don't see any issues there. I don't really care if a woman's inundated with other men. I'm confident that I'm markedly different and the responses I receive from women and the amount of matches I get are a clear indicator that I've come a long way. So it's clear to me that there's definitely skill involved with online dating. 5+ years ago I was not getting the matches and messages I'm getting now, and I wasn't getting the dates I'm getting now.
Dating is fine, it's what you want out of it and the things you're doing that may be broken.
[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not broken, but skewed heavily in favour of women.
The only positive thing to come out of the rise of online dating is that fewer men were approaching, or had the courage to approach face to face. This meant that a woman being approached in the street by a random dude was a bit of a novelty.
However, I've recently read here that women are getting wise to this, due to spam and bad approaches by groups of daygamers in some cities.
Whether this has a detrimental effect, and makes dating even harder remains to be seen.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If beta males would stop flooding every woman in masses then those women wouldn't get as much attention as they are. It's like a pack of flies storming a trashcan.
Remove the ability to PM strangers on social media and the problem would be partially solved. Remove Tinder too and it's fully solved. But i don't see that happening any soon.
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[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]G-Dalf 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Quantum_Ent 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TallDarkandBot 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]G-Dalf 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ethical_pa 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ethical_pa 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Indoctrinator 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]lordofunivers 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Indoctrinator 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lordofunivers 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChocolateLad 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]arvliet 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]_mango_mango_ 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImJustSo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link