My issue with acting aloof/not overly invested/acting like i don't care

erect_sean · 2019-03-26T02:06:15+00:00

There's a balance to everything, you have to care about a girl otherwise you wouldn't be talking to her. However what I'm gathering from your post is that you care way too much. I've been in that position, waiting for a girl to text me back and responding almost immediately. It's weak as hell, it shows you're needy and drives girls away quick. My advice to stop focusing so much on texts would be to schedule a 5 min. session to check on your messages every 4 hours (or any long period of time) just to break the habit of being stuck to your phone.

White_Mlungu_Capital · 2019-03-26T04:48:10+00:00

-Multiple text with no response = needy + denying woman chance to chase you + creating frame that you will chase + implying you are low value with nothing better to do but text her.

From now on, wait 24 hours plus a random number of hours before you text the girl. She will start chasing you, problem solved.

Nabs22 · 2019-03-26T04:28:48+00:00

Wow, I am EXACTLY the same way. Same exact mentality. Its the mature route im my opinion to reply when you can and not pretend you're busy. It takes 5 seconds to pull my phone out of my pocket unlock it and read a message.

Unfortunately, this is the game and not replying immediately is one of its main rules.

I know man it's stupid as hell and as much as it seems that a girls cool and likes you. You need to continue playing that bs game.

I've fucked up way too many times in the past for not playing it right.

imnotarobotdammit · 2019-03-26T01:15:42+00:00

Imagine if almost every female in the world texted back to you instantly and showed an extreme amount of interest. If it didn’t happen all of the sudden, such as right now, you would be tired of it by the time you grew up.

A majority of women feel that way about neediness in today’s world. A female isn’t the best part of your life, and even if that were to be somehow true, you shouldn’t let it become known until you’re married. It’s a display of low value to be clingy and needy.

You aren’t just saying “fuck you, I’m busy”. You’re just presenting a fair challenge to the female. That means you’re worth something and aren’t just an annoying attachment.

Be attractive and be your own person. Don’t cling.

IntoxicatedOrange · 2019-03-26T03:50:06+00:00

I agree, I think it's stupid and you don't need to do it if you're actually doing the right things to attract the girl otherwise. If you find yourself feeling like you're "needy" for the girl's texts, or she isn't engaging with her replies, it's because you failed to attract her or make her interested initially. I think this wouldn't be a problem if you're also more direct about asking for a date and actually just being vulnerable to rejection in that way. Avoid trying to have a drawn out conversation over texting. Fuck that shit, it's so boring dude, even if she is replying fast.

DamagingDoritos · 2019-03-26T02:21:07+00:00

You say you have a full busy life, but are you setting your sights too low in terms of doing interesting things so the text you’ve received isn’t more important?

If you were training to become a pilot, and you were practicing taking off for the first time, and you’re zipping down the runway with your life in your hands, and happened to notice your crush texted you, would you say in that moment you’d feel too busy to shoot a text back right away?

If you decided you’d take a day trip to your favorite water park, and your tube slowly crawls toward the entrance of “The Black Widow” or whatever the most extreme ride is, and just as your about to go into the dark abyss with maximum anticipation you notice a text coming in from your crush, would you come to the decision that you’d rather finish enjoying your ride before responding to your text?

If you were an NFL quarterback playing in the Super Bowl, there’s 15 seconds left in overtime, you’re down 4 points on the 10 yard line with 2 downs left. You either come up clutch and win on sport’s biggest stage, or you choke and show the world your true colors. The crowd is loud, the coaches are in your ear, the defense is drooling at the chance to get to you. Your receivers are waiting for your signal. There’s 10 seconds left before the delay of game and you notice on your watch your crush has just texted you seeing if you were busy. In that moment would you assume it would take you a minute to get back to that message?

Obviously these are hyperbolic examples, but these are situations actual people doing truly interesting things find themselves in. You might want to find your “Super Bowl Moments” during your days, and then waiting a bit to text back your crush won’t seem like such a manipulating and forced task.

Putins_bishop · 2019-03-26T11:28:46+00:00

As others have said, balancing sexual aggression, patience, and confidence is the key.

Keep the phone for making dates. It's ok to have a couple quick exchanges, but you should focus on the end result -- getting a date.

Once you set the date, disappear until the time comes. If she messages you, it's ok to reply, but always to the effect of, "oh I can't wait to tell you about it/hear about your news on Saturday. I'm off the gym now, but looking forward to seeing you!"

Then after you start doing things right, you'll notice that she'll start reaching out to you more, thanking you for the nice time or just to say something random. And when she does that, you set up the next date. Easy!

If she backs off the texting, don't go to pieces; always fall back on texting her once a week to set up the next date.

Don't overcomplicate things. Just focus on hanging out with her and give off those positive sexy-man vibes, and keep trying to escalate.

Rinse, wash and repeat!

Its_strawberry_blond · 2019-03-26T16:55:33+00:00

This subreddits issue is that it focuses too much on how to play the game. This makes you think that you can control and manipulate another person's reactions to things. That might work, to some degree but this sub encourages the thinking that you can control everything. this sub needs to stop encouraging people to try and manipulate people. Not everybody does it but some do, to some it is a game/facade. This issue is if you play the game, your GOING to get bit. I did, and it led to what was the most turbulent year of my life. Because this sub encourages people to control people's reactions and change themselves to get the reaction they want. YOU CANT CONTROL PEOPLES REACTION. STOP trying and thinking you can. there is attractive behavior and not attractive behavior. Live your best/favorite life, do whatever the fuck you wanna do and find somebody that it works with. If you have to try super hard, it ain't meant to be, man. chances are, if your living your best/favorite life, you won't be responding immediately. cause you got shit to do that you enjoy.

BUT the reality is, high value, busy, interesting people don't check their phone constantly (unless maybe you are busy doing things you love, and somehow still got the energy/desire to check your phone... i don't when im doing what i love). So some chicks might dig the immediate update, and if you feel like your living your best life right now. great! I'm happy for you. BUT you gotta find somebody that lifestyle is compatible with and a "test of compatibility" might be that they are ok with you responding quickly/double texting. and you gotta be ok with yourself for texting quickly and somebody else who might.

metallica11 · 2019-03-26T18:26:53+00:00

you're thinking about it too much. do your own thing, and text when you are free, but show you are interested.

the very fact that you are care so much means its consuming your thoughts and affecting your interactions. it means you are subconsiouly in the frame of "I need to prove myself" to her when messaging, EVEN if you conciously say you are not.

you need to attack this problem from within first. once you are fulfilled and content with your own directions and plans and activites and gain value from those things, your interactions with women will subconciously come from the frame a non thought intensive frame. highly analytical overthinking is th enemy of creativity and game.

Foobyx · 2019-03-26T00:33:58+00:00

If you don't like it, don't do it, but you know that answering text in the minute is low because it means:

you don't have anything else to do in your life than being on the phone
the things you do are boring cause a text is more interesting
you don't care about the people around you since you prioritize the text.

You know what's wrong: you answer quick and your neediness. You don't want to correct it? Don't, but don't come here seeking for comfort while you know exactly know what is your problem.

largepaycheckaddict · 2019-03-26T02:37:19+00:00

You need to have a life where sometimes you can’t inmediately return texts. Sometimes you’re too busy to go out with her. You need purpose and goals. If you have free time to reply to her texts right away all day everyday you’re not making every minute in this life on this earth count. Find your purpose. Your long fight. A lofty peak to ascend.

That way, you bypass the “playing games” where you’re mindfully not sending texts cause some guy on the internet told you it works. Also you become a prize (rather than just saying “I’m the prize” when you really aren’t) and will have more options to choose from in your experiences dating.

Gym, career, talents and hobbies, getting educated/reading, fixing things, serving your country and going to war.. these are all things men do and find purpose in. Good Women look up to these men and inevitably follow them and support them on their path.

tony8832 · 2019-03-26T02:40:17+00:00

You always have your phone because you feel you may miss out . You think too much. If you say your a catch. They will wait for your response back. All these things you say you do but always on the phone. I put my phone my down and some time I turn it off because I have shit to do. It’s not a game or I am running strategy. It’s not acting and sometime I like just chilling .

Title	My issue with acting aloof/not overly invested/acting like i don't care
Author	micsmiff
Upvotes	34
Comments	14
Date	March 25, 2019 11:46 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b5icmu/my_issue_with_acting_aloofnot_overly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-issue-with-acting-aloofnot-overly.1465048 https://theredarchive.com/post/1465048

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