Hi everyone. This is a problem for me. I don't seem to have any issue attracting women. The problem is after that part. I am kinda anxious so the part of the courtship process when two people are texting and don't know each other well is very difficult for me. I usually screw things up during the first month (lately. I've had fulfilling relationships, handful of long term ones but it's been a while.) I am not afraid to respond immediately and I send multiple texts without a response. If I could share my conflicting perspectives:

Against: I like to think I'm a man of integrity. I'm the same person with the same values regardless of my situation. All this stuff feels very dishonest and manipulative to me and that is a slippery slope for a guy like me.

I think I'm a catch with a lot to offer. I feel like I shouldn't have to/don't need to put up a facade to attract valuable women. Similarly, I don't think I want to be dating someone who needs me to pretend to act any way other than how I would prefer. That sounds exhausting and I question the value of someone whose heart and mind are so disconnected.

For: I am single and almost 30! So maybe idk wtf I'm talking about! I've had plenty of potentially promising connections and ruined them by being needy and getting frustrated when I don't get a response fast enough.

Against: But maybe this is a necessary step in my weeding-out process. As I told my sister, I need a ride-or-die not a get-scared-and-bail.

For: But maybe this is justification and rationalization. Maybe I don't want to play the game because it's hard for me and I'm bad at it. Maybe i text because I'm impulsive and indulging in a craving for attention instead of practicing self control and self discipline. Maybe this pseudo intellectual pseudo moralistic shit I talk is a defense mechanism. Maybe I really am scared that I'm not good enough to find someone or that my neediness will just keep destroying my intimate relationships so I become way too invested way too fast because "THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE!!!"

against: Here's the thing, I do have a full busy life. I have close family relationships. My own car/place. I'm an accountant with plenty of friends. I have hobbies. I am involved in several different social/spiritual communities. I enjoy exercising and self improvement. HOWEVER, I always have my phone on me. I can always answer a text immediately. It's just a fact. I feel ridiculous reading a text and thinking well I guess I better put my phone down and continue watching this very important TV show for a while before I respond because priorities. That sounds like some lame scared fake shit. It doesn't feel right. Plus I like texting and getting texts and I get excited about new girls so it's just so unnatural to me.

For: Sometimes in life, I've found that people think they are helping/being nice to someone when in fact they are ironically doing the opposite by denying them consequences of their poor choices or protecting them for an albeit difficult opportunity for growth. Perhaps this is one of those things. Maybe I THINK I'm being considerate and kind when I'm actually being a selfish asshole. Maybe every girl loves the chase understandably and I'm refusing to give them the experience they're comfortable with because I'm too self-absorbed to admit my "game" needs work so I just play by my own rules instead.

ANYWAY, those are some of my thoughts on the matter. I mostly am posting this to promote discourse regarding this topic so I can soak up as much as I can. Thanks.

TL;DR: what are your thoughts on acting aloof/not overly invested/acting like you don't care? I don't like it!