Depression due to oneitis

IpickupGrandmothers · 2014-12-24T20:52:21+00:00

pursue my interests

almost everything I can to better myself

I'm being a little pedantic, but are you pursuing those interests to better yourself? Or are you pursuing those interests because you want to?

I know the feeling man. I spent a weekend gaming in the city, and then Tuesday night, I run into the QT 7/10 that I used to have a crush on in college. I suddenly turned to mush and pine over her for the next week and a half. Shit happens! We just gotta keep moving forward and loving ourselves.

Keep talking to other girls! As long as you keep taking action, you will inevitably keep seeing success. You'll eventually meet girls who click with you. It sucks when you like someone who doesn't reciprocate, but that's just life for ya.

JMAN_JUSTICE · 2014-12-25T00:26:36+00:00

I have this problem a lot. Here's a quote that helps me from This Article

"There is an infinite amount of women in this world, more than you will ever be able to meet in a single life time, many of them are great girls and would fit as a long time partner, if that is your aim. that one girl is not special, that was only you mind-fucking yourself. you are in love with the illusion of her and not her per Se, you are addicted to that image of her you created while mentally masturbating to her, those times you imagined her with you on a beach with a romantic setting is what caused your mind all this addiction, that is not her, she is probably not like that, she is not perfect or even close to perfection. you will meet someone else who is better or at least equal to her, just keep going man, it sucks a lot .. I know it … but fuck ,this is one of those hard amazing lessons of life, nothing last forever, cherish the time you have and don’t waste it replaying memories or imagining scenarios that probably would never happen with a girl that she is 100% not thinking of you, go look at yourself in the mirror , smile give yourself a bat on the pack… you survived this and now you have grown a bit …

man the fuck up and move on…"

kbonecapone · 2014-12-24T20:18:32+00:00

I went through this a couple of years ago. Upon reflection, I realized that my depression was more closely related to other factors in my life, and the oneitis exacerbated this for me. What got me through it was interactions with others. A different girl showed a little interest in me, and it made me realize that there are others out there just as "perfect" as the one you are after now.

LiquidSapien · 2014-12-24T21:43:03+00:00

This may help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

aaronob · 2014-12-24T21:11:35+00:00

I just went through a bout of depression for a couple weeks because of this. The ideal thing is to just not get oneitis to begin with. That's easier said than done though- every once in a while someone will come around that makes you lose all your rationality and fall for them. It may not be the case for you, but I discovered that my depression was caused because I refused to accept that I was feeling sad because this girl dumped me. Once I realized that sadness and disappointment are completely normal feelings to have, I stopped hating myself for having them and I ended my depression and am hitting the ground running.

Bottom line: Accept your feelings. Experience them. Mope around a bit. Allow rationality to take hold after a week or two. Learn from your mistake then hit the ground running again.

pharoah21 · 2014-12-25T01:29:28+00:00

I think this is one of those weird paradoxes where the moment you become truly comfortable and accepting of yourself, where you're happy to ride solo and don't need another woman, she'll come around. Depression due to being single isn't easy, you're doing all the right things externally, but you may still be disconnected or uncomfortable with yourself internally, which women can sense from a mile away, sustaining the problem.

joshsway · 2014-12-24T19:40:18+00:00

I have a lot on my website about oneitis: https://www.joshsway.com/articles/search/oneitis

SheepKing · 2014-12-25T00:18:04+00:00

time my friend, do not give up and the good work!

Ryu6912 · 2014-12-25T01:06:28+00:00

I've been in a similar situation for way longer than I'd like to admit and I'm embarrassed to type this out on this sub but I've been in the same situation for HALF A YEAR. Long story short I met a beautiful girl in one of my friend groups and we casually dated for a while but things crumbled right before commitment. I've been depressed and thinking about someone who doesn't care about me for way longer than what is healthy.

What helped me was realizing that no matter what happens to me, no matter what challenges or difficulties or heartbreak I face...is that I'm ok with myself. I'm huge on self improvement but it's so important to realize you are great just as you are and to get rid of that deep inner shame based on past life experiences. Consider this: Compare your inner happiness and stability to money. If you base your happiness off of getting a Lamborghini you'll just want something more expensive once you get that and it turns into a viscous cycle.

TL;DR: Be happy with who you are. If you try your best to just be yourself than some people will like you and some will not and that's OK.

Good luck man you'll be fine.

HeavyMessing · 2014-12-25T06:43:17+00:00

Been in this situation a number of times earlier in my life.

Firstly, if what you have is genuine, pathological depression then there are deeper issues going on in the background. And oneitis is where these issues are coming to the surface most readily. You say you are still able to exercise, study, read, etc., so maybe this isn't rising to the level of 'depression' in your life. If you can agree with this, great, realize that you're doing what you need to do, and this will be a passing feeling, just part of your journey.

Second, the nuts-and-bolts of dealing with oneitis. The paradigm shift that allowed me to overcome this chronic issue: realize that oneitis is similar to (if not a form of) addiction. Literally, the same areas of the human brain light up when we experience being 'in love' as when we take certain drugs. (I can find the source article for this if anyone wants it.) So, treat your oneitis like an addiction. Get this girl out of your life as much as possible. If she's integrated into your social circle or work life or whatever, that makes things quite a bit trickier. But if it's possible, just remove her completely, and that includes, if necessary, telling people not to mention the girl around you.

If you were trying to quit smoking, you wouldn't keep cigarettes in your house, and you wouldn't hang around people who smoke a lot. And it would be reasonable to ask your friends not to talk about how great smoking is around you - at least while you're going through the initial quitting process.

If you really have lots of other things to fill your life with, and you are able to just cut this person out entirely, you may find the feelings fading in 2-4 weeks.

Again, this is all just what has worked for me. Take it or leave it.

braintrejo · 2014-12-25T11:36:51+00:00

I suffered from a depression and anxiety disorder over two years without any improvement despite challenging myself almost every day. I tried stuff like doing social things (even if I did not like it) or events that would trigger hyperventilation. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself a boost. I'm now on Prozac for over 2 years and I can somehow describe it as a miracle how the medicine changed my life. I'm still working on some social problems, but I might be even happier then before the depression.

Remember that depression is a physical disorder, just like cancer, but this one is in the brain. The reason you're depressed does not have to be because you aren't social enough or dont go out on a regular basis. Genetic polymorphism is a huge factor in developing depression. If nothing is working, just try the medicine.

2014-12-25T12:01:00+00:00

Do you also meet other girls? Honestly, for every insanely hot girl I could pine over for the rest of my life, I know there are lots more so I don't.

I went through a similar 3-month depression thanks to a girl giving me every sign that she really liked me, then waiting until I said it before soft-dumping me (suddenly busy all the time, etc). I really didn't know how to cope. All I can say though is 1.5 years on, I would probably laugh in her face if she ever tried to speak to me in person now, because at some point you just don't care any more and realise you are better than letting some girl affect how you feel.

If you haven't already completely blocked all possible methods of contact then please do that. Even if you have to get a new phone number to stop receiving any messages, or completely deactivate your facebook if blocking her doesn't work. If you don't do that then every single new point of contact pretty much resets your progress to zero and prolongs the pain. It's like having a relative die, and then bringing them back to life and have them die again. You can't even begin to heal until it's actually final. Sorry if that's a bad analogy.

eimoosoo · 2014-12-27T22:14:10+00:00

thanks for posting this. it's my exact situation as well.

eimoosoo · 2014-12-27T22:25:28+00:00

go out into nature. it really helped me.

Avicenna1 · 2014-12-25T04:44:45+00:00

I been there my friend. Nothing really helps but time. Damn i'd buy you a beer if i could

Title	Depression due to oneitis
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	34
Comments	33
Date	December 24, 2014 7:39 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2qaxx8/depression_due_to_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/depression-due-to-oneitis.1381387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1381387

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