Did this message sound needy?

HeroicPrinny · 2025-12-09T20:14:06+00:00

Ended up writing a small book of thoughts, don't take this too personally - it's hard to know the vibe and chemistry you already have with this girl from one message. I just have a ton of opinions from tons of experience.

* Overall feels overboard - you just met her, keep responses lower energy and casual

* Avoid "haha" unless she's also spamming them and response chemistry is high - "how could I forget" specifically sounds like you're already really invested in her
* "did a life dump on me" makes it sound like she did something weird by oversharing. Personally I avoid all sorts of little teases and prods these days, because they can easily be taken the wrong way.

* Avoid "what are you doing this weekend?", "What are you up to", etc. Girls generally don't like intrusive stuff like this and it makes it hard for them to respond. Nor does it matter what she's doing - you simply offer your date. In general never feel out when the other person is available, it makes you look like you're standing by available for them.
* Offer dates at least 2 days ahead. I can't tell if this is same day, but same day or next day not only risk seeming needy, but have a high chance for failure because most people have plans within a day or two. Securing a first date is all about momentum and timing, and sometimes simply hitting "I'm busy tomorrow" will entirely derail your shot. Personally, I always suggest two possible days, same with restaurant, or activities. Gives her a choice rather than saying she's busy or ghosting because she isn't sure about that exact day / option.

* You didn't actually specify a date and time, which is the most important thing. It's actually more important than the exact details of the date.

* Museum dates are slow, quiet, take a while, and don't have an easy out, which can make them uncomfortable and awkward if you don't hit it off immediately. To not mention the focus is on what you're looking at instead of each other. The first date should be focusing on each other. So museums aren't good firsts dates IMO. Love them for second dates though.

* The date offer should be a question offer that awaits a response. Example: "How about dinner on Thursday or Friday at 730pm?" (Then I send her two google maps links). "I want to ___ with you" not only isn't a question, it can sound needy or pushy. I avoid all kinds of phrases that sound emotionally invested. Try to imagine a girl DMing you that you're on the fence about, then imagine she says "I want to go to dinner with you" vs "How about dinner this thursday at 7pm? Here's a place". The former sounds like she already really likes you and is expressing this directly - it forces you to feel something and ask yourself how much you like this person. The latter is just a confident neutral offer - it just makes you ask yourself if you'd like grab dinner one night and learn more about this person without feeling pressure. This subtly obviously matters more from a woman's position.

Prestigious_Water336 · 2025-12-09T19:24:54+00:00

It's not what I would've said

There's a reason why dinner dates are so popular. People gotta eat.

I always recommend dinner because it's a free meal for her and it's not too awkward.

I try to aim for casual fine dining. You don't need to dress up but it's still higher end than a casual sit down place

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-12-09T22:13:20+00:00

It's not the worst message ever, but I wouldn't say anything that could be misinterpreted as insulting even if you try to add your own laugh track to the message. It's often best to just call her to setup the date. You may have to of course text her beforehand and tell her you're going to call since younger generations are terrified of picking up the phone. Keep it brief with no deep conversation or anything negative; the main purpose is light banter and setup the date. It's easier to negotiate in real time than let her sit around and have second thoughts over text.

Shadow__Account · 2025-12-09T22:15:21+00:00

Its not light and fun, it shows a lot of thought and investment. I can understand a women thinking woww this dude is too intense. The whole part of her having to win you over, does he like me? Etc all the excitement is out of the window. You are super invested and that can feel creepy. As in what if i dont want to have sex or if i want to leave.

Title	Did this message sound needy?
Author	Just-Impact8847
Upvotes	0
Comments	15
Date	December 9, 2025 7:10 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pig6r6/did_this_message_sound_needy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-this-message-sound-needy.1568448 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568448

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