Do You Start The 'What Are We' Talk?

30vanquish · 2012-02-16T07:30:54+00:00

Found it: This was stated 1 month ago. To mods: I would definitely nominate this to the sidebar.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/odj4g/how_ive_been_honest_about_intentions_with_girls/

It's about being honest with intentions, so it relates to the 'what are we' talk.

EricDisco · 2012-02-16T11:52:14+00:00

If you don't want anything serious with her, don't get into a serious discussion about your relationship. Simply by having 'the talk' you are communicating your intentions at something more serious. If she wants something more serious from you, and you're okay with things the way they are, it's her responsibility to bring it up.

Let's look at it the other way. Let's say she doesn't want something serious. Let's say she's okay with things the way they are. Then you explicitly say, "I don't want anything serious," and all of a sudden she starts to wonder why. She gets insecure and wonders what's wrong with her.

The best way to communicate to a woman that you don't want something serious is by how often you see her and text/phone her. If you want to keep it casual, see her once a week or less.

Saying "I don't want a relationship" will not make her feel better. She'll still get attached if you see her often. And likely, if you push her away by telling her explicitly that you don't want a relationship, she'll either leave or get attached even more.

Instead, if you temper how often you see her, she gets the message that you aren't that serious and she can pull away. It allows her to temper her own feelings.

You need to get good at dictating the pace of relationships no matter how serious you want it to be. You need to be able to show her how close she can get to you. And you do this not by talking with her. Talk changes nothing. You do this by showing her how close she can get by how much time you spend with her.

nycprowl · 2012-02-16T18:34:23+00:00

God, I have a funny story about that. I was seeing a girl in college and we were playing bubble bobble on her NES. She paused the game and looked at me and asked us what we were, I said "Americans" and continued to play the game. I had no idea what else she wanted to know. I didn't know she was trying to have "The Talk" with me.

A few days later she left a note on my car saying that we were done because I couldn't give her a good answer. That also happened to be the day that my brother died.

2012-02-16T08:02:28+00:00

In my opinion, it's best to be honest and upfront about your intentions from the start. Just because you're seeing a woman for the short-term doesn't mean you shouldn't have open conversation, and get your and her expectations on the table right away.

I've always done this and it's always worked for the best - it makes both parties more comfortable and puts you in the know, and makes it easier to bring up related issues in the future - one person developing strong romantic feelings for the other, and so on.

revbobdobbs · 2012-02-16T11:02:01+00:00

she sort of drops hints she wants a relationship (let's hang out weekends, etc).

Call her out.

If she is being unclear about something, then ask her to be clear. After all, I'm sure that you personally appreciate clear and honest communication, right?

If you get the idea that she is asking for something, then ask her what she asking from you. If she isn't clear herself, then you can drop the subject. If she does have a clear idea about what she wants, then its your duty to listen.

SeniorWhoopy · 2012-02-16T06:37:11+00:00

I would just wait dude...but who knows that might ruin it all.

2012-02-16T18:01:02+00:00

I always avoid the topic, while not giving her any indication that we're a couple or whatever. I don't call her "girlfriend," I don't hang out with her that much, I don't buy presents, etc. It's working well with my current FWB.

She brought up the "what are we" after a month or two, and I just said basically "Let's have fun together and see what happens." And she seems fine with that. It may work for you too.

Title	Do You Start The 'What Are We' Talk?
Author	nycprowl
Upvotes	10
Comments	9
Date	February 16, 2012 6:32 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/przt8/do_you_start_the_what_are_we_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-start-the-what-are-we-talk.1328443 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328443

Comments