Does anyone else notice huge disparities with success and none at all?

Drshoes8 · 2019-11-01T21:13:34+00:00

I'm just going to copy and paste this from my last comment because I feel it fits here also

To gain long lasting confidence you need to focus on yourself first and foremost. Exercise, get some hobbies, learn a lot of different things (for example the culture around your area, more music and bands, arts, sports etc) even if you don't necessarily want to. The last thing is important because that means you basically have an endless stream of things to talk about besides random banter about nothing. The first two things helps your self imagine and lets you release that extra dopamine AKA natural high.

Don't think that it's as easy as I said it though. Life itself is a grind and you need to work hard for what you want to achieve. If you want to stick out more than the other guys than you have to work for it. They aren't going to fall into your lap like some harem anime.

caesarfecit · 2019-11-02T00:33:14+00:00

I find the difference between guys who do well with women on a sexual level, and guys who don't really comes down to being able to control the anxiety that inevitably comes from being in sexually tense situations with women.

Of course things like good lifestyle, good self-esteem, good inner game definitely affect outcomes in the long run, but that stuff doesn't really show and doesn't really weigh in on most people's sexual decisions. That stuff matters, but it's too slow, too cerebral - the key factors we're looking for here all come down to vibe and appearance to others.

And no, I'm not talking about looks/money/status either. Those things definitely help the superficialities, but you can be successful to some extent without any of the three, so that's really not it either.

When guys experience sexual tension, the anxious ones tend to manifest one of two symptoms:

they either button up and repress themselves to the max, becoming asexual and totally nonthreatening. Often undergaming themselves into the friendzone and flakes.
or they act out their sexual anxiety and act way too forward, either making an ass out of themselves, being creepy, or at the very least, telling a woman everything she could want to know.

Both of these are unsubtle and uncalibrated and turn women off.

But, when you can handle the tension, when you can keep your cool and not go all reactive to shit in your own head, you can turn the tables. Then the sexual tension starts affecting her. When you get out of your own head, you can pay more attention to other people's signals.

Women may want sex, but unless she's feeling the sexual tension, she won't have it until she's damn good and ready. That's true if you don't know her, that's true in a relationship. Women need the sexual tension to get aroused, and the way you build sexual tension is by being a mystery. If you're anxious, it's a tell.

Sometimes the root cause is sexual shame, sometimes it's social anxiety, or inexperience, or anxiety from other sources.

But I've seen guys with all combinations of personal deficits get lucky and what it really comes down to is being able to handle sexual tension better than some girl. Then the girl chases. Ever notice how James Bond is always Mr Pokerface while the girl gets all flustered?

muff_marauder · 2019-11-01T20:43:37+00:00

It feels like there's this massive, insurmountable gap between me and other men. Or not just me, but a small group of men

Absolutely!

It's hard for men to put themselves in the shoes of a woman, especially regarding sexual attraction. Every day there are posts about "What does a woman look sexiest in?" versus "What does a man look sexiest in?" Men find a variety of things women wear attractive, but the overwhelming majority of women only think a man in a suit is attractive.

Remember the 80/20 Rule: women reject 80% of men and are attracted to the remaining 20%. This has been theorized forever but was proven in the book Dataclysm, written by the guy who founded OkCupid and studied the millions of responses by women.

Only 2 out of 10 men are attractive to women -- that's a HUGE gap between success and failure. On top of that, the bar for men for "success" in the eyes of women is very high. Men must be: extremely fit (preferably buff), well dressed, wealthy, funny, sociable, and desired by many women. By contrast, women merely need to be cute and young to be successful sexually.

Title	Does anyone else notice huge disparities with success and none at all?
Author	ThrowThinkAway
Upvotes	8
Comments	9
Date	November 1, 2019 8:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dq9xp8/does_anyone_else_notice_huge_disparities_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-else-notice-huge-disparities-with.1482724 https://theredarchive.com/post/1482724

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