Does structured practice actually improve dating conversations or is it all about going to more dates?

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-04-03T17:53:18+00:00

Here is "how to talk" and here is "what topics to engage with".

Dating cannot be structured like the others, albeit part of it repeats often if you approach a lot. If you grasp the fundamentals, it is better to impov than rely on scripts imo.

CoachSlyDating · 2026-04-03T17:37:38+00:00

There are definitely drills you can do to improve your improvisation skills that will make you sharper on your feet. There is value in doing the drills.

That said, there is no substitute for in person conversation. Why?

Because your nervous system will function totally differently in front of other people. Ticks and fidgeting will show up that wouldn’t otherwise be there in private.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-04-04T11:14:28+00:00

the common advice is just approach more

The amount of people who want to die on this hill drives me insane. I can't fathom why "Just be confident" is widely panned when "Just approach 100's of times" is cheered on; it's the same shit but with effort glued to it.

Five minutes of learning about physiology, a somatic (tangible) approach to confidence, state control, social momentum; some degree of practical ways to adjust yourself in conversation, around conversation; will put your dramatically ahead of everyone else since they've got no idea. The whole point of being here is for those answers, not to be told to "talk to more girls", badly, until you sometime happen to do it 'right'; allegedly.

What is confidence? Or more specifically, what does confidence look like physically? It's having a loose and relaxed jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, gut; enabling you to breathe deeply, enabling your voice to correctly emerge from your diaphragm, enabling energy to freely flow through your nervous system (away from your head, mind, becoming 'grounded' in your lower body), being mentally present, responsive and engaged in the moment through the mental bandwidth you've created from not having to juggle internal discomfort, and so on.

First off, most people, no chance. Don't know what confidence is. They're trying to manage all of these external situations to stop them reactively 'bracing' in the first place but for the most part the damage is done, the conditioning is set. Being 'good looking', too late. Getting 'jacked', too late. You could have natural confidence in that you never 'braced yourself', you never feared a negative response, you never conditioned this stifling response to situations, you just got waved at as you roll past on the magic school bus, "Hey Jake, lookin' good, keep going champ!"; chances are, everyone here, got a little trauma in your system.

It does take some practice, it does time some time, effort and awareness to decondition (undo) your reactive, bodily responses to these situations. You will encounter 'sticking points' where you can recognise that "these specific situations make me tense, reactive, uncomfortable, unfocused, distant, etc." but minimum you should know what's happening and know specifically how to acclimate to it. Mindless reps are fucking trash, you will run the same reactive, evasive patterns til the day you die unless you do something to change it.

In the grand scale of things approaching women isn't hard or 'skillful'. This shit is too highbrow for the lighthearted, low-hanging references to what fucking 'vibe' her appearance is giving you. All you need is composure. That's it. Composure from a proper understanding and application of confidence in this moment, and 'that hyper-specific situation you want to ask about'.

This is the last time I rant about the people saying "Just fucking approach a million times"; continually retraumatizing yourself will do you good, sure.

becomesharp · 2026-04-03T17:03:14+00:00

What youre describing is EXACTLY what i use with students to get them faster improvements than just approaching a lot, and im saying that as a guy who is a big proponent of getting 20-50 reps in per week in order to make meaningful improvements.

The problem with structured practice isnt that it doesnt work, its that it requires a coach (and a good coach) to do effectively. Imagine youre trying to learn boxing by getting in a lot of boxing matches, getting your ass kicked, and then trying to learn from it. It's a much better strategy than reading books for sure, but its not as good as structured practice and drills. So the first thing most people would do is get a boxing coach because its going to be pretty hard to do drills on your own without someone guiding you through them and correcting form, execution, timing, etc.

This is why i dont do much lecture in my coaching. It's all drill-based and execution-based, because that's what works. Unfortunately I havent found a way around this, though. Like there's no book i can write that will take the place of live drills with students.

That said, one thing guys CAN do is write field reports every single time they go out. At the bare minimum, write down how you felt about the night, what you did right, and what you could have done better. And then take the most important thing to improve on and make sure you focus on it EXCLUSIVELY the next time you go out. Most guys do approaches to try to get a girl to like them. They do NOT do approaches to try to get better, and thats what actually creates improvement.

Matter_Still · 2026-04-03T20:23:11+00:00

Take this for what it’s worth. My conversational skills were non-existent and public speaking (and talking to women fairly paralyzed me until someone gave me a piece of advice that turned out to be transformative.

I was stationed overseas for a year in a place that had little in the way of entertainment. I was advised to immerse myself in reading—not pop-psyche books, not books on pick-up, but the works of the greats. I was given a reading list and at the end of the year, the six-thousand pages I spent devouring Dosteovsky, Shakespeare, Jack London, Henry Miller, D.H. Lawrence, Edith Wharton, and the poems of Pablo Neruda transformed me. My language skills soared and best of all I assimilated some of the traits of some of Western literature’s most accomplished people.

One book stood out (in practical terms): a collection called “World’s Great Letters”.

How did this impact my conversations with girls/women? After two years of being a ravenous reader, I knew that in almost any room, under almost any circumstance, even among Harvard alumni, I was almost certainly the most well-read. That knowledge gave me quiet confidence. There was no smugness about it. Why did I need an original thought when my head was full of thoughts that made it into Bartlett’s quotations.

Uktimately, reading, which is still my drug of choice, brought me things and took me places I would never have attempted to go and holding up my end of a conversation is as easy and natural as breathing—even with a stunning woman.

abcsofattraction · 2026-04-04T00:45:04+00:00

“Just approach more” is incomplete. Volume without feedback just reinforces bad habits, which is exactly what you’re experiencing.

Start with a reliable, low-effort opener so you’re not burning mental energy before the conversation even begins. In a bar, raise your glass, make eye contact, smile, say “Cheers.” She cheers back on autopilot, you exchange names, you’re in. Full breakdown of the Kickstarter Cheers opener here.

Once you’re consistently getting into conversations, then structured practice matters:

Develop a story bank. Five to ten personal stories that are genuinely interesting, practiced out loud until they’re tight. “Nothing comes to mind” stops being a problem when you have material ready.

Do post-mortems. After each interaction, identify specifically where momentum dropped. Not just “that went badly” but what exact moment killed the thread. Without that, volume just repeats the same errors.

Try improv. It trains you to build on what someone says rather than waiting for your turn. That’s the actual skill keeping conversations alive.

The rehearsed versus authentic concern is overblown. Musicians rehearse thousands of hours and still sound spontaneous because the techniques become automatic. Practice the skills, not the lines.

PUA_6EQUJ5 · 2026-04-06T16:30:33+00:00

No, you can actually become more “effective” too

Warm-Fun5226 · 2026-04-04T19:45:58+00:00

I feel the confusion and have struggled with this myself. The repetition is important but the problem is simply that in other areas like sales and sports you are able to consistently track your performance and build off of that. The problem with day game is that it is harder to do that but with tools like the app Shawty you are able to now measure actual insights and improve your conversation skills with real metrics instead of guessing what works just like other skills

Title	Does structured practice actually improve dating conversations or is it all about going to more dates?
Author	StrawberryLogical341
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	April 3, 2026 4:07 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sbhrvy/does_structured_practice_actually_improve_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-structured-practice-actually-improve-dating.1577070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577070

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