Don't feel "cool" or "good enough", constantly comparing myself to others

SkankingDevil · 2014-08-15T03:13:48+00:00

Here's an exercise for you. Get out a pen and paper. Or a word document. Do it. Now.

Write down everything about yourself you think is "cool." Don't focus on anything someone else would say is cool. Only write down what matters to YOU. Playing an instrument, nailing free throws, Level 45 Pure Mage on Skyrim (If you legitimately think that's cool!)

You might not write down to incredibly much. And that's ok. This is our baseline.

Next. Think about the raddest dude in the world. You don't know him. You may think you know him, but the truth is, he doesn't exist. He's in your head. Write down what he thinks is "cool." It's not "Slaying bitches" or "Getting mad respect." Those are byproducts. Is he into mountain bikes? Does he go to shows?

Look at your two columns. What you wrote down first is who you are. The second column? The raddest dude in the world? That is the man you were BORN to be. He's your final form, and he's just waiting for you to put in the work to unlock him.

Maybe the guy you've written about doesn't belong in the party scene. Maybe you'd find this guy at a music venue, or competing in a Tough Mudder race. The same guy who kills it at a gala opening at an art gallery isn't going to kill it at a kickin' night club.

Your concerns about white boys and girls are grounded, but don't let it become a crutch. Just like we all love a Successful Black Man, EVERYONE loves a Cool Asian Guy.

P.S. We all do weird stuff on the weekend. FaceBook is awesome, because it makes me look like a total boss, when in reality I haven't showered in three days :)

randyquestions · 2014-08-15T03:15:22+00:00

Hey buddy, don't compare yourself to other people. That is the recipe for disaster. If you compare yourself to someone else, there is no winning. There will always be someone more muscular, more attractive, cooler, smarter. Just compare yourself to yourself and work on making yourself a better person.

foretee714 · 2014-08-15T13:45:15+00:00

Believe this, repeat it: "I am the best (insert your name) there ever was, ever is or ever will be."

This is all you need.

SexySmexxy · 2014-08-15T03:56:50+00:00

LOL, I love the internet because its a way for people to realise that we're all the fucking same.

White guys dont "talk about other stuff".

Stop comparing your life to a multi million dollar hollywood movie because its not. real. life.

"I don't know why I don't feel cool enough compared to others and it hinders my game."

Boom, no confidence.

Like i tell everyone on this subreddit when i answer a post, the root of your problem is probably a lack of confidence in yourself.

If you feel like you need to be someone else then you aren't happy with yourself which means you'll never be happy until you learn to love yourself.

You seem to have some problem with being asian; newsflash! You're asian for life so like it or leave...

If you like to play videogames and watch movies then thats great for you, there are 7 billion people on this planet, im sure one of them are female and like to do that to!

Maybe instead of trying to be Chad Mcstuger why not go out and try to meet people you have more in common with than trying to be someone you have nothing in common with.

recyclablebantha · 2014-08-15T11:31:02+00:00

I'm not sure why I feel this way but I feel like in order for the girls my age (22) to like me I have to "party" and engage in those sorts of activities when I'd rather be at home watching movies or television or play video games.

You're making excuses or allowing irrational thoughts to take over, because not every girl likes to "party."

Though out of curiosity, what don't you like about "partying"? Do you like music? Do you like music that can be danced to? Do you like talking to people?

I don't know why I don't feel cool enough compared to others and it hinders my game.

Because you're comparing yourself.

Like not to be a racist or anything but I'm an asian male, what do white males talk about or do in their free time that's different?

Not partying and playing video games are not a question of race. They're matters of taste.

Serious question because I feel inadequate compared to them. Like I wouldn't feel cool or good enough to approach a white girl because they talk about different things.

Seriously, it doesn't matter WHAT you talk about. What matters is confidence.

I go to the gym, I play basketball, I make music, I play video games and watch sports is that so bad?

Dude. Listen to yourself. You're an echo chamber of negative energy. People generally don't think like this. Going to the gym, making music, being active.....there is a group of girls out there who'd be all over that. Especially the music thing.

I just feel like I don't fit into the party scene.. so what do people do on weekends when they're not partying?

They make music and do active things, apparently. I can't help but think that you're ignoring a lot of girls who share your interests.

Xiudo · 2014-08-15T23:23:18+00:00

White guy here.

I am pretty sure white guys talk about the same stuff that Asian guys do. White girls will totally date an Asian dude. you can totally approach them with total confidence. the reverse I think is more difficult. Asian girls are pretty much off limits for a white guy. There is the whole you can't date white guys from their family. I have had zero luck with a Asian women, they just want nothing to do with me at all, pretty much every other race will give me the time of day.

snowtaiga1 · 2022-07-27T00:49:38+00:00

gotta say. im the same. im a skinny white male. if i tried to act cool id look stupid. skinny nerdy white kids are the worst it gets i feel. actually most skinny nerdy males. but hey. who cares what everyone else thinks. just be yourself. but if you really wanna seem cool. im not your guy. also why do i never see girls ask these questions? are they just automatically cool or... cause im confused. maybe reddit is not the place to look.

snowtaiga1 · 2022-07-27T00:52:31+00:00

oh also i have a huge issue with comparing myself to others due to low self esteem and social anxiety. and uhh... just so you know, most white guts aint cool

DrewCruise · 2014-08-15T16:27:32+00:00

Ok so you're an introvert. Most of us are. But, do the math, how many girls are at your home watching movies or television or playing video games?

Exactly none.

So you have to go out somewhere to get them. Now is the time to explore and learn. Dig deeper about the girls you're attracted to. What are their hobbies and interest and what are you comfortable with. Don't get distracted by their Fbook party pics. All young girls party. But they do other things to. Some girls like to play chess, join a chess club. Some girls like art, join an art class or go to art museums. Lots of girls now like to CosPlay, look up events for ComicCon, etc. And of course everybody has to eat so look for girls in grocery stores, restaurants, etc.

Most importantly realize you are enough. Everybody beats themselves up and it will not help you to dwell on this.

I go to the gym, I play basketball, I make music

That is fucking awesome! That is the person you need to present to the world. Invite girls to come play bball with you sometime. Talk about music. You got a lot of potential. Dude, you are a rockstar and don't know it yet.

As for the race thing, you're assuming these white girls are racist. Stop that LOL. The color of your skin does not matter! You are a man, it is your birthright to get whatever type of woman you want.

Now go have fun and enjoy life. And yeah, save the games for rainy days.

Title	Don't feel "cool" or "good enough", constantly comparing myself to others
Author	sedditseddit
Upvotes	13
Comments	13
Date	August 15, 2014 1:20 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2dlfjp/dont_feel_cool_or_good_enough_constantly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-feel-cool-or-good-enough-constantly-comparing.1375099 https://theredarchive.com/post/1375099

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