Dropping the Ego

Box-Monkey · 2010-10-25T04:43:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

intjpua · 2010-10-25T07:18:57+00:00

Any amount of bragging is too much. It's try-hard, and it demonstrates lower value.

Subtly "demonstrating higher value" on the other hand, may be appropriate. Saying, "Check this out, my band did this show opening for The Mountain Goats last year, and there was this dude who was just creepily, scarily, obsessed with...blah blah blah" is probably cool. This communicates a lot of cool stuff: "I'm in a band. It's a good enough and popular enough band to be opening for a cool, well-known artist. And we had a creepy fan." But it doesn't say, "I need you to know I'm in a band, or you won't think I'm cool." Which is what saying, "I play in an awesome band. It is awesome. Did I mention my awesome band?" sub-communicates.

But, honestly, I don't even bother intentionally trying to DHV; it worked OK in the past when I felt like I needed it (before I changed my life around dramatically and wasn't all that interesting, aside from being smart and having my own business). I just make sure my life is so fucking awesome and interesting that I always have something amazing that I've done really recently that I have reason to talk about. I travel a lot, for example, which creates dozens of cool stories each year.

When I did intentionally use DHV stories, I scripted out the basic outline of some of the most interesting events in my life. Preferably involving a woman in distress or a love triangle or something with some emotional heft. All true stories of things that really happened, of course, but scripted to provide the maximum emotional impact and to make me look my best. During the rapport building stage, you can work these stories into conversations.

But, these are also try-hard, if you're putting them into regular conversations, particularly with big sets that aren't very intimate. They should generally be something special you share with a girl who has earned your attention.

In short, don't brag.

philosarapter · 2010-10-25T14:43:19+00:00

Brag all you want, just balance it out with some embarassing facts about yourself. I feel the main reason that people get offended by people who are into themselves is that they feel inadequate compared to them. Thus you must allow some leeway for people to make fun of you and let them know you can take criticism.

Joking about what you are bad at, is just as effective at communicating confidence as highlighting what you are good at.

The trick to bragging is to not try to over-sell yourself, you don't need to provide evidence and go on and on about it. Just mention it and then move on.

frogma · 2010-10-25T06:49:43+00:00

I honestly think bragging in general isn't bad at all, but certain people have a right to do it and other people don't. But if you accomplished something that you're proud of, definitely make sure to mention it - but if you're overly obnoxious about it, nobody will give a shit. The way I usually brag about stuff is I say something like "yeah, so my deadlift record is still up at the high school..." and then I immediately talk about something else, so that girls especially will remember what I just said but they'll also think I'm not full of myself because I immediately switched to a different topic.

Box-Monkey · 2010-10-25T06:51:30+00:00

Bragging would be, as z-bag said, tellling people that you are good at something(s) without being asked about it. Being modest, you could subtly drop a conversational hook (something that makes them want to know more and ask about it (e.g. "I was in the airport and these men detained me. Needless to say, I had to catch a later flight")), or not mentioning it. I'd recommend asking people what they know about something and hope they ask your opinion, or say what you think about the subject once they've weighed in.

TL;DR: you don't have to say you're good at something to demonstrate your knowledge of it. Just don't pretend you're the master of it, and you should be generally good.

Title	Dropping the Ego
Author	tsibutsibu
Upvotes	4
Comments	16
Date	October 25, 2010 4:06 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dvwkk/dropping_the_ego/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dropping-the-ego.1306363 https://theredarchive.com/post/1306363

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