Dumped, back to square one

xcoreflyup · 2024-10-29T08:04:12+00:00

Brother.

This is not a "seduction" issue.

In a long term relationship, it is about are you two compatible. are you able to run this marathon going.

restecpa88 · 2024-10-29T08:01:13+00:00

Gotta keep it flirty. And make sure that you listen. You mentioned she said there is no emotional connection, and you then said that you shared alot about yourself. Maybe there are many small ways she realises you are not listening to her.

But yea you gotta keep teasing her and make her feel feminine. You are doing all the chores etc. If she was feeling feminine she would be participating alot more.

Dandys3107 · 2024-10-29T09:05:45+00:00

Women usually don’t think in terms of logical patterns but emotions. You didn’t satisfy her desires and expectations in this dimension. For the future, I would suggest to keep in mind that women are different, you need to read between the lines and anticipate her needs. Or just ask. And remember about huge sexual appetite of women, you need to appeal to her deepest desires of man-woman sexual dynamics. And for the last, women are kinda crazy, they can change their mind for stupid reasons, don’t worry too much about it. Unless you have some solid cards of commitment, bouncing away is always in the air.

Practical-Macaroon38 · 2024-10-29T21:33:38+00:00

I was in a pretty similar situation last year & your last 2 paragraphs really resonated with what I dealt with. I’ll just give a few tips for you for what has worked for me.

Yes, I’m sure you made some mistakes but a relationship takes 2 sides to work. If you were the only one trying to keep shit alive then the other blame goes onto her.

Some people just aren’t that compatible together after a couple of months or a few years, that’s just life.

Don’t try to over-analyze & figure out the exact reasons why she left. It will just drive u crazy & it’s pointless.

Women are way more emotional & change their moods for a whole number of reasons. I had a friend whose girl left him after a decade because she suddenly decided to be a lesbian. Some shit is unexplainable & you’ll never read their minds, so I can guarantee that parts of it aren’t even logical.

Focus on what you can control, which is learning what from your mistakes & moving on. Don’t dwell on the past here because I can guarantee that with other women, half of these things probably wouldn’t have even been mistakes.

However, it’s still good to reflect on mistakes, but once you’ve got it down then move on. Again, no need to beat yourself up over these things or to feel shameful.

With anxious attachment styles or being “too nice” & continually providing so much for her, you were doing these things out of emotional dependency & neediness.

Let me guess, she was moody at times which made you feel bad about yourself & you did some things to make her feel better & appreciate you more? I made that mistake before.

You cannot change how someone feels. Period. You can be there for them if they ask for help & sympathize for them but that’s it. You also have your own needs & her emotions should not affect your emotions.

This kinda ties into the last point, but you need to focus on yourself more than the relationship itself. That doesn’t mean to ignore her or not care about the relationship, but don’t cling onto it if you feeling like your needs aren’t being met by it.

Continually doing everything with a girl, texting her all day, checking in on her mood & constantly trying to please her does you no justice. It only makes them resent you & you lose your own sense of identity.

Have your own shit to focus on. Set your boundaries with her & stick to them. Also, don’t reward shit behavior. If she was acting incredibly distant & stopped putting effort into your needs, then instead of rewarding her with dates or doing the chores, you distance yourself more.

Otherwise, by continually providing more, you show them that their needs or the needs of the relationship matter more than you & that you’re willing to tolerate bad behavior. That’s neediness & you need to work on it by learning to respect yourself, first, before even think of bending over for anyone else.

If you find that this issue has been going on for many years, then it might be due to unresolved insecurities. So focus on fixing these, ideally with a therapist if you can.

This is not something that you can fix overnight, but you CAN change. Just be patient with yourself & don’t be too hard on yourself. Also, understand that deep insecurities will always come up in a relationship if they aren’t dealt with.

I’m not sure why you’re an anxious avoidant, but focus on healing that side to you. Whether that stems from always having a low-self esteem, trust issues, or maybe from being cheated on in the past, whatever it is, work on resolving that first before dating again.

You CAN’T rely on someone else to fulfill your sense of self-worth. Period.

A woman or a relationship is not there to fill a void. If your sense of self-worth is tied to whether or not a girl likes you, or whether or not a girl is giving you attention then that isn’t healthy.

It will never work. You should also respect & love yourself, first & foremost & if someone else doesn’t then you leave.

If your ex wasn’t meeting your needs after months of being in the relationship, then you distance yourself & look to leave if it isn’t satisfying you. That’s it. But clinging onto a girl or a relationship for the sole purpose of pleasing them, so that they please you, is neediness & that is not love.

ChardGlad8704 · 2024-10-30T04:00:02+00:00

She said you don’t listen. Learn how to listen and all questions. Be thoughtful. Randomly ask about the things she says. But yeah, wrong group

Electrical-Call-7292 · 2024-10-29T08:16:19+00:00

Brother, you didn’t keep the mystery alive. Women complain about a man that’s always busy but they innately crave this. It fuels her mystery. Is he really busy or is he cheating? She wants to know you’re wanted by other women and that there is a possibility you would act on it. By doing chores and all this other stuff you killed the fantasy. You over committed your attention to her.

Title	Dumped, back to square one
Author	MrWolffman
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	October 29, 2024 7:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gepayo/dumped_back_to_square_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dumped-back-to-square-one.1534338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534338

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