Don't feel good enough no matter what

KoleSekor · 2024-11-26T17:57:53+00:00

Feeling good enough is exactly the energy women need to see though, bro. Catchphrase to remember is "If you don't love yourself, why would anyone else?"

It's a decision you make and train your brain to think and believe. You've been hypnotized by your social conditioning to believe you're not enough. But that's simply a lie to keep you an insecure and compliant cog in our free market economy. Men who are insecure spend money and work for lower wages so what you feel is choreographed by the social elites as they're highly incentivized to make common men not feel good enough. So refuse to be lied to any longer.

You also might need to go back in your past and address your emotional wounds and traumatic things that are causing you these negative states in your mind and body.

Dwerg1 · 2024-11-26T19:07:58+00:00

I've worked hard and these days I'm fairly attractive physically, disciplined, hardworking, dress well, doing better financially than most etc etc... But I still don't feel any better mentally than when I was ugly, broke and fat.

Because everything you've worked on is external. No amount of external things can make up for an internal lack, the void is infinite until addressed directly.

You can be the best looking, richest, best dressed and hardest working person around, but still feel like absolute shit because the feeling of not good enough remains.

The solution just isn't out there, not at all, it's within you. This can be solved by sitting down without distractions, asking yourself why you feel like this and listen to what comes out of that void.

You weren't born thinking you aren't good enough, it's something you started telling yourself at some point in your life, typically as a result of something bad/traumatic happening to you. Before that point you probably didn't even think about your own value at all or perhaps just assumed you were worthy.

I have solved these issues and that's roughly how I did it. I too was working hard on the external until I realized I wasn't actually getting anywhere. I was seeking my answers out in the world, until I realized they don't exist out there at all. It was all already inside of me.

I spent months digging through multiple sessions of meditation, most times unearthing some crap I had been stuffing down for years and trying to shift my perspective on those memories to something more constructive. In that process some positive memories also resurfaced, memories I hadn't thought about in a very long time, so forgotten I was surprised it was even still in there somewhere. In particular flashes of my early childhood. I had forgotten just how confident I was as a child, feeling bad about myself wasn't anywhere on my mind back then.

Those memories proved that I could be someone who doesn't hate himself, I had been that before and underneath it all that's who I am. So the next logical question is what the hell happened to me? Which moments convinced me I'm not good enough, why? Is it actually right or did I take to heart something I shouldn't have? What is this weight holding me back? What is it that prevents me from being as confident as that past self right now?

So I went through my memories carefully, particularly the negative ones in order to identify all the things that was keeping me down, all the things still pulling my strings in the background. I felt all the feelings I had suppressed, there was indeed a whole lot of crying involved, but it needed to be let out, let go of. Only then could I take full control of myself without that crap going on in the background, without that fucking devil on my shoulder whispering lies to me. I am good enough, period.

I did all that in the comfort of my own home. For quite a while most of my life consisted of going to work, buying food, eating, meditating and sleeping. The bare necessities to survive, dedicating most of my time to just sitting there and being with myself.

Personally I went through a pretty bad depression as well, undoubtedly from bringing all of that shit up into my mind, but I sat with it until I cleared it. Should be mentioned that I have mother with mental health issues and that sure fucked me up badly, so if that's not the case for you then your starting point is probably better than mine.

The main thing you need to know right now is that the solution is somewhere inside you, that's where you need to go looking if you want to start untangling this mess. You weren't born like you are now, you became this way through life experiences and it can be undone.

I also recommend looking up Julien Blanc on YouTube, he talks about this EXACT type of problem and he's legit. You can totally get by on the free content, but he does offer coaching as well. That guy helped me a ton 11 years ago, when he was more of a pickup/dating coach, he has learned more since then and these days is even more on point about what truly matters.

joshff1 · 2024-11-26T21:04:12+00:00

A mental shift that's helped me is to realize that girls don't know what they want and it's pretty unpredictable which girls will even respond to you. You could have a 6 rudely reject you then go home with an 8 later that night. It's not worth getting butthurt over girls. When it comes to how girls interact with guys they are so wishy-washy and rely a lot on emotions.

boydsmith111 · 2024-11-26T17:52:45+00:00

Not completely solved but I'm on the way. Feb this year, I had a lot of issues which can be loosely translated into - I did not feel good about myself

I followed techniques mentioned in the book called as 'Wholeness process' by Connirae Andreas and I have made significant improvements

Highly recommend that book

appolonysian · 2024-11-26T19:09:13+00:00

It feels like I wrote this post. Currently dealing with this issue, and it stems from a basic lack of self esteem. This cannot be fixed by checking off a rubric of societally imposed expectations, it comes from within.

Regardless, women can sense this lack and avoid it like the plague. It comes out in micro-expressions, nonverbal communication, hesitation, indirectness, and an air of “I need you to like me.”

The answer is to find what it is that brings you a sense of worth outside of and away from what’s marketed as the cure societally. That’s entirely personal so I can’t help you there - I’m stuck on that step too.

Gaydame · 2024-11-26T23:54:41+00:00

Yes you're trying to use outer game to solve inner game issues.

For that you need therapy because this "unworthy" narrative you've got bouncing around your head needs picking apart and no doubt comes from a long time ago.

Keep at all your external stuff for sure, but get Therapy!

NoJudgment7997 · 2024-11-26T20:38:05+00:00

I've worked hard and these days I'm fairly attractive physically, disciplined, hardworking, dress well, doing better financially than most etc etc... But I still don't feel any better mentally than when I was ugly, broke and fat.

Not trying to put u down, but i've met a lot of guys who said they're "fairly attractive, disciplined, etc" but in reality they're not as hard working or as far along in their aesthetics journey as they think they are.

Is there any way for you to be sure of where you really are?

Sudden-Conference-65 · 2024-11-27T02:14:50+00:00

Bro relax. They’re just girls. Find a way to be happy and not a needy little biatch jeez

You’re a man. You are good enough. There’s someone out there for you. Keep going.

NoMoassNeverWas · 2024-11-26T19:04:39+00:00

/u/eagersleeper

Another post "I'm an attractive guy"

Natural-Ad6082 · 2024-11-26T17:44:58+00:00

Send me some money bro, I’ll appreciate it

Private_Capital1 · 2024-11-26T18:32:50+00:00

The enemy within.

Bro stop for a second and analyze the current reality. Sex is availible everywhere.

Sex for self validation purposes can be as rare as your addiction to information and addiction to comparing yourself to others.

Look deep within you and try to speak to the 15 year old who'd spit in your face even just knowing that you have money, a car, a general approximation of where the hookers are (both offline and online) and you pass on fucking them because "nah has to happen organically with a 10/10 who'd chase me".

And guess what at that point you'd still chase the additional high of not being enthusiast about it because the 10/10 chasing you is not from a good family or has still pic of her ex on her Insta, or has an annoying voice etc..

You are chasing girls for self validation purposes because you do so in places where the vast majority of people fail to get laid (clubs), you'd go to places where people get laid in order to get laid (that's basic logic) : brothels, massage centers, hookers hotspots, strip clubs, escort websites...

ProfessorFunny · 2024-11-26T18:53:47+00:00

Do things that make u feel competent OUTSIDE of relationships, cultivate the relationship u have with urself. For me it's self mastery in various disciplines. Exercise is a given, im talking about hobbies, fighting, art, music, creative forms of expression. Accomplishment builds confidence and it carries over to other areas, including dating. If at the very least do it for ur own mental health and can make u genuinely interesting, embodying a good character. Good luck

Electronic_d0cter · 2024-11-27T07:13:50+00:00

Meditation, being present in the moment should be the goal

Onzalimey · 2024-11-26T18:45:41+00:00

Try using visions. Once in the am once in the pm and look at what thoughts your having. You likely are getting some positive pay off for how you are feeling so you need to cut the addiction. It’s what it is. Do you actually want to change or are you just saying u do

NChSh · 2024-11-26T19:27:45+00:00

Just mindlessly book dates until you go numb from it. It's the only way

moneyy777 · 2024-11-26T21:15:05+00:00

We all need steroids ffs

ForeverAdventurous78 · 2024-11-27T05:57:22+00:00

You are so true. Loving yourself, getting out of being a nice guy is so hard. Not like loosing weight or getting fit or eating healthy etc. It requeres some serious processes

Boredsoul11 · 2024-11-27T06:32:50+00:00

I’m a girl, so I can’t really give advice. But I think something that guys forget is that girls aren’t THAT judgmental lol. Like, a lot of women find Pete Davidson attractive (no hate to the guy or anything, but, I mean…)

Acceptable_Act1435 · 2024-11-27T10:24:10+00:00

You seem like someone who has already put a lot of effort into self-development and is committed to continuing that journey. You’ll get there! I used to be very shy and socially anxious, but I’ve come a long way. People are often surprised now when I tell them I used to struggle with social anxiety (though, like anyone, I still experience it occasionally).

Feeling “not enough” can have many causes, but it’s often rooted in a lack of self-esteem developed during childhood. There’s likely a part of you, an inner child, that still feels unworthy of love. As an adult, it’s now your role to reparent yourself. Surrounding yourself with loving and supportive people can help, but if your inner critic is strong, you might dismiss their positive feedback.

Focus on your strengths, celebrate your successes, and (most importantly) be compassionate with yourself when you stumble. Allow yourself to be vulnerable; it’s a crucial part of growth. Acceptance, compassion, and self-understanding are skills you can build with practice.

There are lots of resources that can support your journey. Podcasts like Shrink for the Shy Guy by Dr. Aziz are fantastic. He’s an expert in social anxiety and offers tons of free, actionable content. Books like Daring Greatly, No More Mr. Nice Guy, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, The Courage to Be Disliked, The Confidence Gap, and Quiet are also great places to start. You don’t need to read them all. Skimming for what resonates or watching TED Talks by these authors can be just as helpful.

Journaling, therapy, and meditation are also excellent tools for self-reflection and growth. And communities like this one on Reddit can provide encouragement and relatable experiences.

You’ve already made progress by getting into shape. That’s huge! Exercise has both biological and social benefits, helping you feel good about yourself and showing others your worth. Keep at it!

Now, a careful note: Medications or supplements can sometimes help, but they come with serious risks and should be approached cautiously. For example, benzodiazepines or phenibut can be highly addictive, with withdrawals worse than heroin if misused. Even something like kratom, a mild natural opioid, should be limited to 2-3 uses per week. These substances don’t treat the root cause, only the symptoms, but they might help you see what it feels like to stop being your own worst critic.

Still, they’re not a long-term solution, and over-reliance can create more problems. It’s better to consult with a psychiatrist or thoroughly research before considering them. Many people use alcohol socially for similar reasons, but it’s less effective and can impair your thinking.

Ultimately, the goal is to build confidence and self-kindness so you won’t need any external crutches. By stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing new experiences, you’ll keep growing.

You’ve got this, stay strong and keep going!

Crackmin · 2024-11-27T14:22:27+00:00

Yeah you need to have some deep chats with a therapist, this sounds like the kind of thing you need a professional to help you work on

Fate-in-haze · 2024-11-27T14:31:33+00:00

Read The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-11-28T11:09:21+00:00

This stuff is way more complicated than "get fit" or "make money".

It's something I say all of the time, you have to learn communication skills. Everything you have achieved is cool for it's own right but it's not communication skills, it's not social skills; if I told you to record a video, podcast, whatever, do you know how to present yourself well, bring personality to the table and engage the audience?

Again, with everything you've achieved, the 'tires don't even remotely touch the road'. It's complicated because people make it complicated and dance around the issue. I agree with the guy who told you to watch Julien; 'Letting Go by David Hawkins' is something I bring up all of the time because it's important to learn how to properly handle your feelings.

Then again, there's the other side. How does that actually make you communicate better? Basically, it's all 'state control', 'energy management'; your energy is being used internally or externally. Most people are 'in their heads', questioning themselves, judging, comparing, analysing, playing a character, etc. They are 'dazed out in their mind' and they have no output. The whole point is to be 'out of your head' so there's 'nothing going on inside', your energy isn't being wasted on ego and you have this bandwidth freed up to express externally. In real life, that looks like you're blasting people with energy and charisma and they're like 'wow, how does he do it'. As much as it is what you're doing, it's what you're not doing.

More specifically, it allows you a greater capacity to think of what to say and do, be funny, be interesting, your voice can project, you add variance to your pitch, cadance, speed, you have the awareness to identify and solve problems and so on. It's simple. No one is a superhero, you have to stop limiting and stifling yourself to free up bandwidth to be charismatic and fun; that's it, communication skills. You're actively demonstrating that you're not wallowing on internal problems by having 'output'. Again, everything else, everything you've achieved is 'dancing around the problem'; I'm not going to go into the 'social conditioning' diatribe, it's already a bit long but the point is it's irrelevant to your self-esteem.

Title	Don't feel good enough no matter what
Author	MrWolffman
Upvotes	51
Comments	52
Date	November 26, 2024 5:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1h0hrex/dont_feel_good_enough_no_matter_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-feel-good-enough-no-matter-what.1536921 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536921

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