Eliminating approach anxiety using a clear process?

donantus · 2013-06-04T16:13:52+00:00

I used to be just like you, but used a different strategy to overcome not approaching due to anxiety.

I guess your anxiety was (or is) worse than mine was, because i can see in your steps you don't reallt advance throughout them, smiling really shouldn't be a step, just do it when necessary.

My strategy was: for the first two days, just observe women and think about which opener you would use the whole time, but don't use it. You are not yet allowed to use the openers, just come up with them. for the next two days you keep visualizing what opener you would use and rationalize about them and also say 'hi' or a variation on it to every girl you pass. From the seventh day on you are finally allowed to use the openers, keep doing this and don't lose your streak for a while.

What this does for you is creating a "postive mental momentum", you get to the point that you are getting good at spontaniously coming up with openers and really want to use them too. You will actually look foward to the day you can use them. Try it, dont worry about the rest of the conversation on the seventh day, just open girls and have a chat with them, you really have nothing to lose. Hope that helped -donantus

FutureSource · 2013-06-04T19:28:23+00:00

Let me just add that from my experience doing daytime street game, this cold-opener approach is one of the HARDEST ways to meet women. It cuts directly to the heart of our social anxiety. It's a little like trying to bench 300lbs when you've never picked up the weights before.

So, as donantus says below, it's a good idea to give yourself some kind of a break if possible. Work up to it. It can also be good to meet women in "warmer" context, i.e. through social circles, and practice building attraction with them so you start getting the positive feedback that motivates you and boosts your self-confidence.

Just a few thoughts.

sagelydrunk_sedditor · 2013-06-07T05:59:54+00:00

Be more social generally, instead of just focused on women.

Being comfortable and feeling secure in any situation is an attractive quality. Chat up random strangers of both sexes and of any age. A person who can be comfortable socially with all ages, statuses, and sex, is more charismatic overall and that will bleed easily into your game.

promise_reprise · 2013-06-04T23:43:17+00:00

I got rid of approach anxiety by filming my approaches.

officialpoypoy · 2013-06-05T05:31:11+00:00

just realize first approach and the couple next are just warmups. even the best of the best arent that amazing at the start of the daygame or nightgame. You also want to unstifle yourself basicly LAUGH EXTREMELY LOUD FOR 30 SECONDS. You will know if ur holding back. laugh until you get it right and you know u didnt held anything back. I usually dont have to resort to this but if im pussying out longer than 30 minutes I will do it.

2013-06-05T08:37:37+00:00

This is a tough one for me personally as I struggle to even speak in front of people I know but am not friends with, so speaking to random women on the street whilst indirectly showing interest is very hard.

Even when out drinking its gotten too hard due to my decline in actually going out and practicing, but I know that can be remedied through actually practicing. Sober however is a whole different matter.

new_player · 2013-06-07T21:00:04+00:00

Here's a useful tip.

You will never completely remove approach anxiety. Accept this now. What will change is the way you handle it. With more work and approaches you'll learn that it's just a social cue about what you're about to do. That's really it.

Understand why you're afraid of approaching. Is it because you're afraid of rejection? Why? Do you value her opinion? But you don't even know her. Just go for what you want and be honest with her but more importantly with yourself. Rejection is fine. Welcome it. It'll help you find compatible, interesting and attractive women much faster.

lastfiveyears · 2013-06-04T18:29:21+00:00

I just posted here about my own thoughts on overcoming approach anxiety.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fnur1/another_tip_for_dealing_with_approach_anxiety/

BodySnag · 2013-06-04T20:55:38+00:00

I've found an easy way is to simply go up to a girl and say "wow... wait a second, you're shoes. Those are the exact shoes my girlfriend wanted. I tried to buy them for her and looked everywhere and couldn't find them. Do you remember where you got them?" I know it sounds silly, and of course you're not going to pick up girls this way, but it's a way to easily go up and start a conversation with a girl. It's completely non-threatening to the girl because you've mentioned your girlfriend, and it's complementary because you're saying she has good taste in shoes, and all girls love to talk about their shoes. Go to a mall and you can do this a dozen times. Doesn't have to be shoes - substitute handbag, sunglasses, etc. It just gets you used to talking to girls, looking them in the eye, maybe smiling/flirting a bit. That's the important part; you're teaching yourself that by walking up to a girl and saying something you're heart's not going to stop beating. Pretty soon you'll get bored and find yourself thinking new ways, like, "excuse me, you look smart, do you know if there's a bookstore in this area?" And you're off and running.

MARSpu · 2013-06-04T17:12:06+00:00

You can't eliminate approach anxiety, you can only learn to better control it and channel it constructively. In my opinion, forget the smile experiments and just open. Your approaches don't have to lead anywhere for you to calm your aa down a little.

Deadeye5 · 2013-06-04T21:15:26+00:00

Step 1: Stop being such a fucking pussy.

Done!

Approach a girl pretending you're not nervous and stop worrying about her saying "no" to you.

Title	Eliminating approach anxiety using a clear process?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	35
Comments	24
Date	June 4, 2013 3:48 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fno00/eliminating_approach_anxiety_using_a_clear_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/eliminating-approach-anxiety-using-a-clear-process.1353354 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353354

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