F*ck I'm such an awkward mess.

LordYveltal · 2016-06-15T07:57:58+00:00

Well I have an awkward story too. I used to crush on a girl in high school, so one day I decided to ask her out. So I gave her a rose but I was too nervous to ask her the question so I just left the rose with her and walked away. :(

TheXXL · 2016-06-15T08:17:07+00:00

The only fucking stupid reply I could find was a cold and sarcastic: ''Yeah, is there anything wrong with that?''

Well, this was actually not sarcastic at all, but defensive and you could say arrogant. Being sarcastic would have been something like: "well, i like to look at the pictures, since i can't read", maybe would have made her laugh.

The real important question here is, what made you feel defensive? Did you feel judged? Was it maybe just too forward of her? If you can identify what it was that was threatening to you, you can work on it.

recyclablebanthas · 2016-06-15T09:47:21+00:00

Kudos to me, I need people skills really bad.

I'm going to suggest something to you: It's not so much the absence of people skills. You KNOW damn well what you should or could have said. Look at how you whipped yourself up before she talked to you?

I want to talk to her but I'm way too shy.

''Oh fuck she's talking to me''

GOOD GOD man..... The issue here is that you were in your head, stewing in a mess of negative SHIT. The record playing on repeat in your head was a mess of mantras almost designed to keep you down. You're way too shy..... you're way too shy..... OH FUCK she's talking to me..... Fuck fuck fuck.

Is it any wonder that you responded by lashing out? No.

Instead, what if you were focused on HER, rather than your shyness. Taking note of her clothes, demeanor, etc...... taking note of the people around you, with your senses and thoughts focused on the OUTSIDE world, not focused on this bullshit repeating record of unhelpful crap.

Then you'd have something to say. Or you'd be able to relax and simply answer her question instead of being defensive.

Also, I think I'll point out that you have discovered something awesome: guys don't need to do everything themselves to make an interaction float. Girls can and will hold up their side of the conversation if it's worth having. Sometimes they'll even start things up.

Amarotss · 2016-06-15T09:51:40+00:00

Read this carefully Every. Single. Guy. On this subreddit has been in a situation like that. The reason this happened was because you don't feel relativley comfortable in a position like that. The anxiety and nervousness will never completely vanish but you'll learn to handle it like a champ if you follow the endless list of good sources and posts on this site. Admit that you failed but look at the bright side: you were interesting and handsome enough to have her approach you. After some time you'll laugh at this incident. Believe me it's nearly not as embarrasing as mine!

AlphaSymposium · 2016-06-15T07:55:33+00:00

You just need to get out there and speak to everyone. If you wait to be social when there's a hot chick in front of you then you'll balk like you did tonight. don't beat yourself up over it, it's like trying to hit a baseball off a major league pitcher without practicing in the batting cages first. So my advice to you is to get social with EVERYONE. Your awkwardness will fade and when that cute girl comes along you'll just talk to her like you talk to everyone else. No motives, not attached to results, you just do it for your own entertainment. Even though I'm naturally an introvert I talk to everyone all the time. I'm always in the flow, so if that girl said that to me, I would have said something like: "No, I threaten the take out guy with this book and he always gives me free food" (or something stupid and playful like that). Just mess around. Get out of your head. Your main point is to joke around and entertain yourself. When you do that girls will naturally follow your lead. Here's an article I wrote that might help you: http://www.alphasymposium.com/social-pressure-why-uncomfortable-social-situations-will-help-you-with-women/ Good luck and hang in there, man. The last thing you want to do is get down on yourself for not hitting a homerun without being warmed up. Stay in the fight! -MS

Drunk_Logicist · 2016-06-15T11:37:20+00:00

Lol dude I've been there. Putting too much pressure on yourself. Talk to everyone and random conversations won't be so intimidating.

RealMikeHawk · 2016-06-15T16:37:21+00:00

Bro, chill. You will have so many similar situations in your life that it is silly to get worked up over one. The fact that you realized you should have acted is huge, as in the past I'm sure you would have immediately thought of yourself as inferior to her. Just learn from it and move on.

CalebEWrites · 2016-06-15T19:22:02+00:00

There's a plus side to this; at least you realized your mistake.

Don't beat yourself up over it. We all screw up from time to time. And it's in your past now. You've recognized that your social skills need work, so the next step is to make a conscious choice to start improving them.

Goofydoodle · 2016-06-15T19:41:09+00:00

Im very similar talking to girls when Im at my worst. I come across as aggressive and cold, like another guy thread I believe it's anxiety.

Zalkota · 2016-06-15T20:17:17+00:00

In the last three months I've literally gotten over my entire fear of women, I used to be so awkward around them because I put them on a pedestal and never really had an actual conversation with one(didn't know what they were like). I started sitting with these two girls from my class every morning at breakfast. The first time I just E walked up and sat down and it was super awkward let me tell you, the one chick would practically ignore me... But now we're friends and every day it got a little better. Now i literally have girls coming up to me and talking to me. I have very little fear of approaching them and talking to them around campus. I believe it's just that initial bump in the road

BillNyeDeGrasseTyson · 2016-06-15T20:47:07+00:00

I read somewhere that using your business card as a bookmark is a good conversation starter. I don't usually read in public, but I figured I'd try that and reading in public as a double whammy of approach-ability.

So far my Chipotle pickup game is still pretty weak.

expletive-deleted · 2016-06-15T23:14:50+00:00

Learn to take a compliment.

I worked in a cubicle and in the next one, there was a girl who I was crushing on. The guy closest to me said one day, "Nice shirt." I got a little defensive and said "What do you mean?"

He said, "I like your shirt; learn to take a compliment, Jesus. The appropriate answer is 'thanks, I like it too.'"

So he came off confident, and I came off insecure. And although they never publicly hooked up, she certainly was more interested in spending time with him rather than me.

She was previously giving me vibes that she kind of liked me. None after that point.

So, when someone shows interest, defend your interests with a positive response, rather than "Is there anything WRONG with that?"

Learn the phrase, "Why? What's up?"

Bassethounds4ever · 2016-06-16T02:04:29+00:00

I was at a libray studying school stuff. Some girl walks up to my desk and asks if she can sit with me. I looked up at her and tried to be funny but came across like you did and said, "sure, its not like I own the library." She sat for a minute unpacked her books then packed them up and left.

WordGame · 2016-06-16T04:52:06+00:00

Here is my interpretation, take it with a grain of salt, as I dont know you.

You're trying to be, or idealizing, something you are not.

This is why you are compensating, and subsequently saying stupid things (since you failed to communicate the results you desired). If communication is said to be the response it gets.

What if, she was actually into guys who read shit/great works and liked to be tested, and she actually liked your response. Would you be so socially inept or just more lucky? As her means of attraction generation rests in her and not you?

"sarcastic" makes me think you were trying to emulate something like James Bond or "cocky and funny"

Don't be fooled. She has the memories, the intuitions, the experiences she has, not because of anything you can elicit more than a fitting to her preferences or association to her preferences. With a hope to 'fit' just enough to be 'picked'.

That's already supplication, in it's most highest form: pretending to be something for her, to like you.

"But, what if I act for her preferences and she ends up liking me", you may say. The fundamentally flawed idea behind this pick up artist movement - in regard to a woman's individual preferences and psychology.

And, you did just that: You attempted to fit her preferences like a 'key' of some sort, by acting a certain way - assuming it was correct - without having any knowledge of her and her possible preferences to 'match'. You wanted to elicit what you didn't know by being something you are not.

You 'cold approached' as I think it's called. Following a proposition that 'all women are hardwired to X', forgetting, that does not mean, 'all women are robots'. "Just as all men must exhibit X to get women", makes all men equally machines fitting a primitive role. One that is seen as over-generalization when you meet various women and realize they are all really unique in their special ways of developing a personality and expressing it. As, im sure you're a unique snowflake, who if was hardwired like every man, would innately know what's up, and what's not up.

The translation of "women are programmed by evolution to respond to X" is a rule of thumb, and that helps with averages. Likewise, It's a generalization of all women. Have you met multiple women? IF they were all the same, they'd be easy to figure out and you, everyone else with a heterosexual penis, and Freud, would find peace.

But, If you wanted to really pick up this girl, you would have focused on her uniqueness, and might have leveraged your own as a means to knowing who she is, or if you even really wanted to know her after experiencing her.

If you just wanted to fuck her, then all is fair, and you simply didn't deserve to; her standard. So, move on. All is fair, and generally a numbers game, where if it was someone else, you may have been successful.

Also, sarcasm (the use of irony to mock or convey contempt) is a disease. Loose it as much as possible. Do not make it a habit. I know some people like it, but are they ever happy people? Successful people? It's root form Greek meant "to tear flesh, bite the lip in rage, sneer". So you know it's not pleasant, and it masks other more useful tonalities that can be employed to make friends and lovers. info on sarcasm gathered from Wikipedia

CrushHazard · 2016-06-16T16:28:23+00:00

This is a great post that every beginner on here needs to read. Stop trying to be sarcastic or funny or dick-ish or whatever else you read on the Internet you are supposed to be. Show a unique and genuine interest in the woman in front of you. It sounds ridiculously simple, but that is one of the key elements of seduction. If you watch Russell Brand in action, you will notice that whether he is talking to a guy or a girl, he emanates this genuine interest in the person in front of him. That is what makes him seductive. His bad boy appearance is just the archetype that he chose to adopt. If he were a clean cut business type, he would have just as much success with women (although a different type of woman) because of his unique ability to display a genuine interest in people.

Johnny_Cocaine · 2016-06-15T16:23:33+00:00

had a crush on a girl from the 1st grade til the 5th. Last month of school we had some corny social thing at a kid/fun place thing one friday night. I told a few people I was thinking of asking her. They pumped me up. So I asked her. She said "no." Took me like 8 yrs to ask a chick out again. Even years later I was pretty shitty talking to chicks, until I had an epiphany.

luiee · 2016-06-15T15:58:15+00:00

Try reading some /r/theredpill It helped a lot improve

Dr_Pepper_BSc · 2016-06-15T21:02:19+00:00

At a (blacklight) party, my name was painted on my shirt with paint that'd glow up under UV-light. Girl walks up to me and asks whether that was my name and my response: "Isn't that fucking obvious, stupid fucking question" (friends also kinda backed this lmao). She got away ASAP and whenever I see her now (on the same course, same year) I always cringe and kinda wished it went different because I kinda think she's cute now:(...

Title	F*ck I'm such an awkward mess.
Author	154CM
Upvotes	75
Comments	32
Date	June 15, 2016 7:39 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4o6709/fck_im_such_an_awkward_mess/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fck-im-such-an-awkward-mess.1303423 https://theredarchive.com/post/1303423

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