[FR] A very... confusing experience. Halp?

Jaegar · 2013-07-12T09:55:53+00:00

Dude, you doubted yourself. She's called your bluff and the real you came out and fessed up. So she know's your MO now, and she's the boss. You should've held your line, you were doing the right shit. My view:

Then, I text her to see if she wants to go out. She's busy. Ok, so I wait a couple days and text her again. Bingo! Hooray! We make plans.

Well played.

I'm teasing her and she's laughing. I'm kinoing, touching her leg, playing with her hands. She doesn't really kino back, but I haven't been out with a girl that does that, so I don't really see it as an indicator of disinterest.

All good so far

She no longer responds well to my verbal flirting, or kino. I can touch her, but she's positioning herself away from me. We finish the game, and she goes to leave. I walk her out and don't go for the kiss, as I can't physically get close enough to try. Then she turns, and says, "You don't do this dating thing much do you?"

Shit test ALERT!

She tells me that I have to show interest. I have to give her a confirmation text as soon as I get her number (Valid). I shouldn't ask her out the day after. I shouldn't phrase things as "lets do x," I should ask.

Shit test

Frankly, I tell her that other girls don't really seem to mind these techniques. I tell her I'm interested, and she starts smiling and joking a little bit

Shit test has showed your hand - you've confessed interest like a desperado, she's back on again cause the shit test has done what she intended it to do, and this time she can out-play you... she's in control

I tell her I'm still going to hit on her.

as above

EDIT: Fixed up formatting

seemetouchme · 2013-07-12T05:19:33+00:00

"Frankly, I tell her that other girls don't really seem to mind these techniques."

So why do you care if she minds them? Also she has a BF, so using the line old and married might not work if she just wants a fling, she seems like she just wanted you to tell her lets fuck with NSA. Who knows, if you have other women on the go and working with why does this even bother you?

MGcubed · 2013-07-12T04:55:57+00:00

The best thing you can do is just move on. Think about what she said what happened to try and learn from it there's nothing else you can do. Believe me you don't want to try and get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend even if its not a good relationship, I've been down that road man it's no good

SnackyPack · 2013-07-12T08:14:57+00:00

She's been lurking here I bet!!! Show yourself!

Only1nDreams · 2013-07-12T12:29:03+00:00

I'm going to quote the immortal words of Kanye West and tell you that you have to crawl before you ball.

The reason you kind of floundered here is because you don't really believe you can pull this stuff off yet, so you're forcing yourself into this "pick up persona" that isn't really you... Yet ;)

She said you don't know what you're doing because you don't appear to, what you're doing feels unnatural and forced. Go out, open, get numbers and try to escalate until it becomes easy and natural. Learning pick up is like learning anything, the best way to go is to build a solid base of fundamentals and start to create variation from that. You'll start to "feel" what the next step is instead of having to rack your brain for the knowledge you learned here and force it out your face like verbal vomit.

tl;dr She doesn't believe you deserve to date a girl like her because you don't believe it either.

kazagistar · 2013-07-12T08:10:46+00:00

You were surprised and took her too seriously... maybe things would have gone better if you "played along" with her lecture? Or alternatively teased her about forcing her expectations of what you "should do on a date" onto you. In other words, your congruency broke.

propagated · 2013-07-12T12:07:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

recyclablebantha · 2013-07-13T10:30:59+00:00

OP, don't give this girl, or or actions and words, a second thought. Really. She's a big frackin' ball of insecurity & crazy. Nothing she said made any damn sense. EDIT: It's a true case of, "It's not you, it's her."

Allow me to elaborate:

______There was nothing really that wrong in the beginning________

I ended up waiting four days before texting her (as in she didn't even get a confirmation text) because I forgot/didn't know what I was going to do....

.....during these days at work, I'm fairly normal, I smile at her, she gives me a big smile back. Some flirtatious conversation, etc.

Clearly, nothing is wrong at this point or else she wouldn't have been flirtatious. If she was truly bent about not getting a confirmation text immediately after you got her number, then she wouldn't have been flirtatious.

She briefly mentions a boyfriend in passing....

My turn to say, "Wut."

Why was this girl even in the running? I know girls with BFs can be intriguing, but usually in practice, interactions involving dishonest, cheating partners, is usually quite messy and often does a mind-job on everyone involved. As she appears to be doing already.

______The date starts off okay, but turns weird________

So then we go out. It's goes well at first, I'm teasing her and she's laughing. I'm kinoing, touching her leg, playing with her hands.

We go back to my house....... she closes up a bit. She no longer responds well to my verbal flirting, or kino.

......I walk her out and don't go for the kiss, as I can't physically get close enough to try.

I just wanted to confirm that, based on the information you provided, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong here. You were responding to her and when she shut down, you respected that, even as you were biding your time for a future opportunity. All good

____Her list of criticisms is a load of crap / There's a reason why girls giving advice on Seddit is often (though not always) a bad idea_____

Then she turns, and says, "You don't do this dating thing much do you?"

.....She tells me that I have to show interest.

OP, you were kino-ing and making flirtatious comments all up to the point when SHE shut things down. If she can't recognize those things, especially the kino, as interest, then she's either creating the problem in her head or too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice what you're doing.

I have to give her a confirmation text as soon as I get her number (Valid).

NO. Not valid. While I'd agree that it's nice to text someone the same day or night that you get their number, her gripe is just not valid in this case. You see this girl every day at work. She should know how busy you were. In any case, the only reason she should be disregarding your communications IN PERSON as being meaningful is either because she's playing games with you or she's big ball of insecurity who is over-thinking why you didn't text her rather than enjoying your IN PERSON interactions. Not attractive.

I shouldn't ask her out the day after.

Bullshit. I've set up Day 2s the very night I've met girls, with no problem. And several times I've done so the day after, no problem.

She's trying to make it out as if she's every woman, or at the least, she's making the claim that her preferences are the only one's that you should be concerned with. Kind of ego-centric. Unattractive. And insecure.

I shouldn't phrase things as "lets do x," I should ask.

More BS. She's nitpicking, probably due to insecurity. There's nothing wrong with having a sense of certainty and having made up your mind about a course of action you're suggesting to a girl. It doesn't mean you're not flexible. But she's CHOOSING to take it personally for whatever reason.

I tell her I'm interested, and she starts smiling and joking a little bit, allowing kino again.....

And this is ridiculous. She sounds like a female AFC. You have to coddle her like this on the first fucking date? And she has a BF so you presumably have to compete for the honor being the main focus of all her neuroses/neurotic behavior? Run the fuck away. Seriously

Then we have a lovely little conversation about feminism and her boyfriend.

And here we go. She's coming off like a girl with monster control issues, raging insecurity, and communication problems if she's:

So damn picky about how things have to be said.
So bi-polar about how she grants approval if you jump through the right hoop or taking it away for not reading her mind.
So willing to step out on her BF instead of solving whatever issues she has with THAT relationship.

TL;DR: There's just so much going on here..... I wouldn't recommend this as a fling or a serious relationship. Even if you "pass" her shit tests by doing the "right" thing, you'd only be validating her behavior as acceptable when she's out of line. Plus, we could presume that her BF passed her shit tests and we see how well that's going for him. This girl already has you confused about what direction up and down are. If you go further down the rabbit hole, I don't think it will get any better.

Gelnn · 2013-07-12T14:39:36+00:00

This one is a gift. Build up that frame to be an impenetrable fortress. Fuck it. Move on & game her again in a couple months.

centurijon · 2013-07-12T13:39:25+00:00

I shouldn't ask her out the day after. I shouldn't phrase things as "lets do x," I should ask.

BS and BS. She may not be into that, but most women are. It's also very likely that she was giving you her "ideal" answers because your game was causing her to think more than feel and not be naturally relaxed. Chances are she reacts well to that stuff more than she realizes.

she starts smiling and joking a little bit, allowing kino again [...] So I got friendzoned

That isn't the friendzone. I've said it a lot: people friendzone themselves. If you stop flirting, you're going to stay there. If that's really where you want to be then great, stay the course. Otherwise keep the flirting up and generating that attraction. Just keep an eye out for signs that she's done with you.

Also, I said that if she tells me too much about her life then we'll have nothing to talk about when we're old and married. That didn't go over that well.

Of course not. It can be fun if said with the right delivery and level of comfort, but I'm guessing you weren't there yet.

Title	[FR] A very... confusing experience. Halp?
Author	tshapeclood
Upvotes	37
Comments	22
Date	July 12, 2013 3:38 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1i4pmm/fr_a_very_confusing_experience_halp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-a-very-confusing-experience-halp.1355354 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355354

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