[FR] First approach, whoa!

I figured I'd share this, since it was a pretty big moment for me, my first approach EVER. I've been trying to nut up to make an approach for the past few days, refreshing my lethargic game skills after a few years of monogamy, and it finally happened today. I have to embarrassingly confess that until today I had yet to actually walk up to someone and start talking to her with clear intent on asking her out. And I'm not 18 like some of you fellas here, I'm a good decade older and still a giant wuss :) Yes, I was so petrified of the outcome all these years that I had avoided it at all costs. Until today, for many years, I had relied on all sorts of indirect paths (online dating being the main one) to avoid this dreaded moment of truth.

I had been watching How to Hold a Conversation Like a Man yesterday and this was of great inspiration, because it listed just a few basic, simple, generic steps that one could do to get a conversation started. I remember Wygant mentioning how most introverted men simply don't know that it's even possible to approach a woman in a friendly, non-aggressive and non-threatening way, and that unfortunately had always been my mentality.

This morning started with me talking to everybody, as per one of the guides in the FAQs. I never realized how great of an idea that was until recently, and today this really paid off. I had an appointment to do some govt-related paperwork I had to go to. I managed to talk to the doorman at the office, some guy in the elevator, the guy in a Lyft for a good 15 minutes, the security guard at the govt's offices, the lady scanning the stuff in your pockets, the lady handing you out your ticket to wait in line. I was seriously warmed up by then.

At that point I see a cuteish petite girl standing behind me, maybe an HB6, in line wating for her turn to chat with the official at the reception desk and get her ticket. I instantly smile and make good eye contact with her, start joking around about how I almost cut the other person in line and how I'm always in such a rush. She was obviously displaying shy body language, but was smiling back with some interest. Always assume attraction, right?

I got my tickets first and sat down, then she got hers and sat on the other side of the room. Then she moved closer to me in the middle (which I assumed was an IOI, but I'm pretty sure she just wanted to see the #on the ticket counter, even though turns out it was broken).

I knew that I really needed the practice of opening someone, and starting with someone I didn't find super attractive would be the right thing to do so I wouldn't choke up. However making that move must have been the hardest thing I've done in a long time. My rushing thoughts were along the lines of "Who the hell just gets up and randomly sits next to a good looking woman in such an aggressive fashion with such an obvious display of sexual intent? What will everybody think of me?! They'll think I'm some kind of deviant with uncontrollable carnal urges, she'll scream out loud and I'll be ostracised!". I kept staring at that seat next to her in front of me. I was petrified, yet logically I knew I had nothing to lose. What ultimately helped was setting a timebox, where if the next ticket to be called was mine, then oh well, that one's lost, otherwise I get up and sit next to her. Somehow that game-like super OCD rule did the trick, and somehow I managed to reason my way out of that hole.

Turns out there were still a ton of people ahead of me when the next ticket is called, so right away I get up and sit next to her. At that point I remember being completely in a state of flow: there was no thinking, the gut was in control, just like what you'd experience in a good improv session.

I ask her about the counter, and if she knows what's going on with it, what the next number is supposed to be. She doesn't know, she's puzzled as well. Then I ask her about what she was doing right before I sat there. She had been taking selfies for a few minutes, so I started teasing her about it. "Why do people even do it, I don't get it." "Do you do it all the time in random places"? Obviously super playful, very smiling, very friendly, not actually mocking her at all. She says she was bored, which is my cue that it's my duty to entertain her. I introduce myself, we shake hands. I point out that she has my same name in my native language, and she immediately asks me what it means in it. Having done that a hundred time before, I tell her the ancient greek etymology of it and that totally blows her mind, some nerd cred right there.

I ask her about this ridiculous gigantic pendant she had hanging on her chest (prop play seemed a good bet). Again, playfully teasing her about how obnoxious it was. She actually asks me what I think about it, at which point I know it's on. I continuously kino her whenever I laugh and say something along the lines of "Oh get outta here!", "I'm just messing with you haha!", which for the first time feels natural to ME, not just to her based on her body language. I've done kino plenty before, but it always felt so forced, even to myself. Being in state made the timing perfect.

She actually starts leading the conversation, something I rarely experience. I always feel like I have to push a stone uphill, but this time I couldn't stop her from talking! I use both the Sparks' "What are you up to here?", which is a non-brainer since we're both somewhere to get some passport-related boring paperwork done. I get a very positive response. Since it was passport related, she pretty much leads me into asking her where she is from originally, which is again from his repertoire. Not being from the US myself, this is a really easy follow-up for me, where I get to briefly mention where I'm from (some foreigner DHV? I don't even know) and have her take over the conversation once again.

In any case, conversation was goign well, but I'm one number away from being called. I wrap things up and say something like "Look, we need to hang out again! Give me your number so we can make that happen." (in retrospect I could have tried the "How do we make this happen?"). She looks a bit ashamed and tells me she has a boyfriend, to which I somehow manage to instantly respond with the trite "I don't mind, he can cook dinner for us sometime!" (which still makes me cringe to this moment), but apparently she finds it amusing, but quickly tries to change topics. I go along for a minute or two, but then ask her again, just in case that was a shit test, "Are you totally sure you have a boyfriend? I know your tricks!" wagging my finger at her. She again confirms, but almost apologetically, like she was slightly pained by that. I then give up and go "Well, let him know that I think he's a pretty darn lucky guy" and we just keep chatting until it's my turn to get up. I give her my card anyway (planting seeds doesn't hurt, don't really care either way) in case she's ever in town again.

Once I'm done, I'm standing outside on the street waiting for my Lyft, when she exits as well. With the usual super high energy I ask her how it went, yada yada. At that point her boyfriend in a brand new bimmer pulls over to pick her up. I high five her and tell her I'll see her soon, although in retrospect I should have gone for a hug just to spite him, but I wasn't quite feeling it at the time. That's that, my first attempt ever.

TLDR: first approach on cuteish girl, world doesn't come to an end, being in the flow rocks, no idea if I can ever do this again :)

Some learnings:

• The girl wasn't really my type, and so I could fully ignore the outcome for once. I could say and do whatever, and losing her wouldn't make an iota of a difference, which meant that there was nothing to panic about. Usually when I see an opportunity to approach a really attractive woman, I'll stall immediately because I imagine the negative outcome being too painful.
• It's amazing how non-threatened the girl's reaction was from the first moment. I always expected a really defensive attitude from women being randomly talked to by strangers, but I guess I did good enough of a job at making myself come off as friendly.
• Being rejected didn't suck at all. I always though my world would crumble at the time and I'd just curl up in a corner and die if that ever happened, but I felt nothing at the time. It felt like one more riddle to respond to in a cocky funny way.
• The place was pretty quiet and there were plenty of people sitting around us, but when I started the approach, everything tuned out. Being in the zone was incredible, I never felt like that in a social context before. I didn't even notice people listening in or looking at us, it didn't matter and it didn't concern me. Again, I always imagined it'd be the most awkward feeling.
• The stares I got from guys sitting around us when I left were priceless. You could tell from their expression that they had followed the entire thing and they wished they had been me. They were me the day before. They're still me today, if I don't stick to my guns and continue this wholeheartedly.
• The rest of the day felt fan-fucking-tastic, I don't remember last time I felt so good about myself. After hundreds of missed opportunities, a glimmer of hope that I might still have it.
• It's always a good idea to dress nicely even if you're going to be doing something super tedious that day, you never know if you'll run into someone neat and you'll need to score a few extra free points.

Follow up questions for the pros:

• How the heck do I get as warmed up as this time in the future? I seriously doubt I'll be able to chat it up with 5+ people every time I'm to approach someone. Does warmup become less important with time?
• Do you guys go for the 5s, 6s, and 7s just to practice and keep the feeling of abundance of options? I feel like if I only ever approach really attractive women, I'll probably never get enough practice to be really fluent at this. Is it somewhat unethical to approach girls you don't really care much for just to see if you can get a number, or do you consider this a boon for them as well, since you're bringing excitement into their lives?