I have been sick as a dog for weeks. Four weeks. This cold never seems to end. I've consumed 3 bottles of Robitussin, 3 boxes of Kleenex, and untold numbers of Sudafed tabs. I think the pharmacist thinks I'm making meth. I'm so weak, I'm so full of cold meds, I could hardly get it up if I tried (and believe me, I've tried). But no matter how sick I am, apparently I am still getting some action.

So today, I'm lying in bed about 10AM, finally having gotten about 5 hours sleep after taking my last Tylenol 3, and there's a knock at my door. It's my ex-gf, the 36 year old ex-stripper MILF. She has some grass, let's have a smoke. Okay, something is going on here, I haven't seen her in weeks. Oh this is it, boo hoo, her asshole boyfriend dumped her (again). I know what she wants. I didn't give it to her last time, but I think I'll give it to her this time.

So I'm listening to her whine and cry and carry on, and amazingly, this time I have the tools to deflect all her shit. "Oh yes dear, I understand, he is so cruel, I know how you feel." I'm not offering any solutions, just empathizing, and escalating kino instantly. She loves my neck massages and will do just about anything if I pull on her nipple rings. I know all her weaknesses. All shit tests passed, she even makes a comment at how smoothly I am handling her. She is qualifying herself to me again. She says let's go over to her apartment down the hall, she bought some new clothes. Sure, I'm down for a stripper fashion show.

She shows me her new top, it's almost see through and filmy, she doesn't like it. I give it a close hands-on inspection and feel her up, she's squirming and says she can't wear this top anywhere, it's too revealing. I tell her, she's wearing it right now, for me. She seems to like this, and tears off the top and starts changing. She tries on her new dress, I like it, but she doesn't think her boobs look right. She's naked underneath, so I tell her to put on some nice lingerie to give her boobs some structure. She puts on one of her best bras, she's showing nice cleavage. I give her more hands-on inspection and approve of her outfit, she is appreciative and she sits in my lap and is practically giving me a lap dance. And she's drinking shots all through this little show, each time she pops into her bedroom to retrieve a new outfit, I can hear her stop in the kitchen and slug a shot of vodka. Oh man she's an incorrigible alcoholic.

Further manual inspection reveals she's not wearing any panties. I've got her in my lap and it's time to escalate and get this show on the road before she gets too drunk and passes out (again). I'm going to give her what she wants: a spanking. And she loves it rough. I pull her hair, grab her by the neck and choke her a little, she loves that. I think she's almost coming already, she's cooing and saying "why are you so good to me?. I have been so bad to you." I tell her, "maybe I like bad girls." I've got my hands up her dress, I'm going for the final barrier, I reach for her pussy and LMR kicks in. She pushes my hands away and says "We shouldn't be doing this." Oh that's right out of the book. I say "You're right, we shouldn't be doing this" and keep feeling her up. Oh that's right out of the book. She keeps squirming, but finally jumps off me says we can't do this. I agree and freeze out (I check my iPhone for email). She doesn't know what to do, she's kind of standing there with her mouth open. I have outmaneuvered the Hired Gun who knows all the tricks to manipulating guys. She's used them all before on me, but now I'm not an AFC that falls for them.

She goes in her bedroom and comes back out dressed in a thin nightgown. She says, "I want to get out of here, let's go over to your place, I want to take a nap in your bed." OK, she's re-engaged, she obviously wants to end the freeze out and wants some more manhandling, but she's really drunk. We head back. She plops into my bed, and I join her. She says, "we're not having sex." I disqualify, "honey, I've been so sick, I probably couldn't if I tried." I get in, she's giving me the horizontal lap dance, and I'm giving her as good as I'm getting. I reach in again, and she pulls my hands away and gives me the Ultimate LMR, "Um, another reason we're not doing it, I've caught something down there." Oh great, she's such a slut, she's got a UTI or the clap again, neither of which do I want to deal with, and I don't really want to investigate and find out what it is specifically. I tease her and she's apologetic and obviously really wants to fuck but says she can't, I guess she doesn't want to give me the clap (again). I make a mental note to wash my hands, and hope she didn't bring crabs or something else into my bed. Oh well, too late now, I guess we'll take a nap, I don't mind lying next to her for an hour or two, it's cold and we can both use the extra warmth in bed. She passes out, and I have the idle thought that I ought to jack off in her hair (again). But I'm tired and weak so I'll just sleep and hang on to her tits for a while, and be satisfied. She's satisfied.

We both get up groggy after a few hours, but I'm starving, it's midafternoon and I still haven't eaten breakfast. I offer to cook some food, she's up for it. But she says she's going back to her place for a minute. I know what she wants, she doesn't have to say it, she needs another drink. Stupid alcoholic. I keep cooking and she does not come back. I'm not going to chase her down, she's probably passed out.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to chase her down and drag her to the clinic and tell her to clean up, get some shots, and quit screwing guys with the clap. Maybe she'll get rid of the clap about the time I get rid of this cold. Then she'll be back all over me again. Just what I need.