[FR] Second date, confusing results

atleast5letters · 2011-05-01T19:23:47+00:00

A couple ideas:

A. She could have never had one before with a partner. To do so with you so quickly would strip it of meaning. It's like virginity part 2.

B. She is aware how she gets after cumming. Oxytocin is released, and she gets more attached... and she doesn't want to do that yet with you. She hardly knows you.

C. Some cynical reasons.

Edit: Not everything is a shit test. I feel it's easy to get caught up in these ideas.

crime_and_oats · 2011-05-01T17:48:12+00:00

Maybe she simply wants to wait, you know- since it was only the second date.

Ask her about it.

frogma · 2011-05-01T19:22:35+00:00

"Maybe she wants to wait" is a limiting belief, so don't think it. It's never been an issue for me.

There's no need to ask about it. She's either not gonna know the answer or she's gonna be vague/lie about it. Lots of girls don't understand the ins and outs of orgasms. Maybe she's never orgasmed before and is just afraid when she gets that feeling- I've dealt with many girls who were like that. Maybe she's just uncomfortable with it because of the intimacy/overwhelmingness of it, which is common. I'd probably build some more comfort and establish a sexual vibe- be totally confident with it and lead her- don't treat sex like a beast you have to battle.

I actually think you moved too slowly- you didn't smoothly transition past fingering. I would've gotten the pants off as soon as possible. At the rate you were going, removing the belt turned into a huge hurdle. It's like if you spend a half hour just making out with a girl, it feels weird grabbing a boob- you should be grabbing the boob from the start and trying to get her shirt off. Don't give her that extra time to think of it as the "next level," or you'll both be uncomfortable with it and she'll be more likely to stop you.

Look up the ways of dealing with LMR and ASD, and try em out. I don't know anything more about your situation, but I don't think you have too far to go. Just think of sex as the natural outcome, be totally comfortable and confident with it (or at least act like you are), and get her comfortable with it. I like to get the clothes off as soon as the girl's in my room- even if I'm not immediately escalating, they're at least comfortable with the nudity/sexuality around me.

avrus · 2011-05-01T19:24:07+00:00

Well this is my take:

She was communicating her comfort level and you just disregarded it. If you're just interested in just "fucking" this chick then by all means continue on and disregard the rest of my advice.

You tried to press things sexually and she made it clear she wasn't comfortable. Instead of having self control and responding alpha "things are moving too fast we should go down to the couch", you continued to press her until she had to come right out and say it. This probably didn't raise your interest level with her because now she thinks you're just trying to have sex with her. It wasn't a shit test, it was a communication test, and you failed.

In my experience I've found that in sex and relationships women will give you clear signals when they are comfortable with things progressing.

Next time when you're back at your place I would keep it on the couch and just relax and let her escalate.

Splash_ · 2011-05-01T18:01:58+00:00

I've encountered that before, but under different circumstances. It's very possible that she just wants to wait, as someone else already pointed out, some girls are just more rigid about doing things too soon.

I dated a girl for three years who would stop me every time she got close. Made absolutely no sense to me.

ldpfrog · 2011-05-01T19:14:08+00:00

Like they said, she probably wants to wait to have sex. I would guess she stopped you from letting her orgasm because she would have had little willpower left after that

TheDancingRobot · 2011-05-01T23:09:14+00:00

serious here: maybe she squirts or has a reaction beyond just an orgasm. maybe she didnt want to smell afterwards, sweat and lady juices might just make her uncomfortable if she knew she wasn't having sex. be cool dude, and let her move it forward next time. she'll probably sense your controlled manner next time and lead you to where she is comfortable.

oh, and just for patience-practice, put her hand down on her spot and let her do the magic with you feeling her movements. this might be a step in another uncomfortable direction, but it will show that you're more sensual than just trying to finger bang her hoping for more.

last but not least: if she pushes you away, stop trying to fuck her on the second date. no matter how hot she gets, she said no.

villagePUA · 2011-05-01T19:09:49+00:00

She may be self conscious about her orgasms, or sex. Obviously she was alright with it if she let you in eventually, so there has to be something within her thats bothering her.

nanan00 · 2011-05-01T20:01:31+00:00

Going from shirt off to hands in pants is a big jump, it will make most girls knee jerk back if they are not ready for it.

Try a bit of grinding with knee while kissing neck and breasts, when she starts rocking with you step it up a bit and be more forcefull and passionate, she should start groping you by now and getting much more into it, try moving hand to her groin area and rubbing around, if no resistance then try hands down the pants.

Some girls have self imposed requirements such as 3rd date and will not budge even if they do like you because they don't want to be or consider themselves to be easy/slut/whore.

madeintheuk · 2011-05-01T20:36:12+00:00

I've been with a girl who would stop me from making her orgasm simply because she was not comfortable with the feeling. I talked to her afterwards about it and she said that she did not like the feeling of about to climax. I didn't know how comfortable her previous sexual encounters made her feel but i felt terrible that she couldn't let her self go. As for the sex, I'm sure it's a normal feeling of she's not ready.

wesyd · 2011-05-01T22:43:01+00:00

You could've done three things:

1) From the sound of it, she's already pretty comfortable with you. And if you know you're going to keep seeing her, and only if you know, you have to milk it man. You turn her on beyond belief, and at the point she's really into it, you take it away. When you feel her getting close to climax through foreplay, YOU stop first. Keep doing it, and have fun messing with her.

Most of the time, if I know a chick is really into me I'll get her juices flowing, but I'll take away right before fucking. I can even milk this for two or three dates, sometimes a few weeks. It leads her to ask the same question you're asking now "Why does he do all of this and not fuck me?" When the pressure builds enough, she's the one ripping my clothes off.

2) If you're adamant that you want to fuck on the spot, start by only unbuttoning your pants first. Plant the seed, but water it for a few minutes and keep going as you are. You can even go all the way to taking it off eventually. This is risky sometimes, but you if you do it in a fun "I'm leading" type of way, versus "Let's see how she responds", it builds comfort (but can backfire sometimes if you're calibrating the situation wrong). I've had mixed results with it, but it has worked more than 50% of the time. The times when it doesn't work is when I'm bored and I want to make things fun so I rush it.

3) Dominantly whisper in her ear "TAKE YOUR FUCKING PANTS OFF NOW!"

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-01T23:09:26+00:00

That was basic LMR. There are various strategies to avoid it. The basic one is the freezeout.

chumpta · 2011-05-02T02:30:11+00:00

she's about to orgasm, and she makes me stop.

this happened to me once. i could tell she was about to cum and she said like "no" or "stop" or something. but i was so damn close to having her cum already so i just gave her like 4 more quick ones till she finished.

i don't think she was mad that i didn't stop.

Title	[FR] Second date, confusing results
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	15
Date	May 1, 2011 4:57 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h1gmr/fr_second_date_confusing_results/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-second-date-confusing-results.1317887 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317887

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