Disclaimer: In no way am I making an effort to come off as conceited, this is just my experience and would love comments/feedback, because this is rarely talked about. I will mention stuff that comes off as conceited without this disclaimer. It has driven me crazy and I bet there's a certain subset of guys who feel as frustrated as I have been. Again - I am trying to be as direct and truthful as possible, and I want feedback from y'all!

Okay, so this idea of "handsome man's game" is something I recently discovered after being frustrated with women for half a decade. Some context: I'm 23 years old, fresh out of college, and just now starting my career as a teacher. I'm 6' 2", I'm a former collegiate athlete, I'm heavy into fitness, I play guitar, I obsessively read, I have developed my fashion and hygiene, etc. From the outside, the only thing that "hurts" me is that I don't make crazy amounts of money, but I'm only 23 so that shouldn't factor too much in my SMV. Unfortunately, it took me until now to realize that this is only a relatively small piece of the puzzle with women.

I have never approached a woman in-person due to an obsessive fear of rejection. I don't know if it's because I'm insecure of some childhood trauma, but it's just how it's been for me. It's something I've fought but haven't ever directly dealt with. Because of this, I only take girls that overtly tell me they are interested or seduced me (I know, sounds insanely cringe/pussy). You can imagine the kind of girls I've dealt with because of this. Superficial and aggressive are the two traits I can can pinpoint. These girls have ultimately blown up in my face because of who I am on the inside, when they find out who I really am; not just what I appear to be.

My first relationship was late into high school. I remember when I first saw her like two years before I thought she was insanely bad. She's probably an 8-9/10 looks-wise. I was genuinely intimidated by her; she had been in relationships throughout high school, and I hadn't kissed one girl before. Well, senior year she slides into my DMs and the rest is history. I literally did nothing to earn the girl. I took that shit for granted; I had no idea how to maintain frame or act like a man, so I because overly needy, did nice guy stuff, and she dropped me once we graduated. Broke my heart. Got me into self improvement, upped my looks, style, etc.

Fast forward to senior year of college. Insane 4 year dry-spell. Again, never once approached any girls. I fumbled 3-4 girls that approached me, but they got the ick when they found out how needy/nice I was. There was one girl in my class/major that was an absolute smoke. There isn't a 10, but she was an easy 9/10 and my type. Again, super intimidated and I put her on a pedestal in my head. I simply paid zero attention to her because of this. While I saw her curve every dude in our class on the daily, one night at the bar she comes up to me and asks if we're just friends. I immediately think "what does that even mean" but I eventually get the idea and she asks me if I want to come back to her place. We end up doing it, the rest is history. Again, zero effort invested. I'm not saying this to be conceited, it's just the situation. She had no clue who I really was. In an effort to get closer to her, I did more needy shit, asked her on dates, was super nice, and eventually pushed her away. I thought nothing of it, graduated, and moved on.

Fast forward again, I'm out of college. I hit up a girl that I knew had previous interest in me through mutual friends (she lives close to me). She isn't crazy attractive, but definitely cute; "relationship quality" of a girl. She also had a unique personality and I was so starved for something consistent in my life that we immediately began a relationship post-college. Again, I had zero fear of rejection with her. She was practically begging to start a relationship after the second date (I know, red flag). BUT - finally, I was getting the love and attention I desired. I was being chased, not the other way around. It felt GREAT...

... and then I did the same old shit... can you guess? Yep, nice guy. Nice guy, nice guy, nice guy. I'm just so needy, bros. I'm also insecure. Like, it's so bad that I found a way to get her to resent me. Not only did she dump me, she ended up hating my guts, even though I literally was only nice to her; and I loved her. Which was the problem, I know this because she told me. She said I was too nice, I wasn't a leader, I wouldn't take charge, I wouldn't call her out, etc. Also, "you don't realize how shitty you treat people." What? I was only nice! It felt like a million body blows from Mike Tyson. Hearing her, in person, say those things to me after I practically "lowered" my standards from the jump was eye-opening. I could not make sense of it. How could she resent me that fast? How is that even possible?

Well, I'm going to answer my own question: I'm a fraud. I think some of you out there feel the same. Some of you are also handsome. Heck, there's definitely guys even better looking than me with more money, more status, better clothes, hobbies, etc... and you STILL can't maintain women in your life. The problem is when you go through life simply relying on appearance with zero game or masculine frame, you are basically playing the role of the woman. That's what they do. Some of you are probably laughing like "is this guy an idiot?" YES. YES I AM. It took me until 23 to realize this.

Women see me as one thing and they get something completely different. They think I have game, I get girls, I hold frame easy, I have options, I don't take any shit, etc.; all stuff that women want, because then they feel desired. The problem is that this simply isn't true, I don't do any of that stuff. I'm a needy wimp. It's something I have to work on, because I have so much potential if I just grab my balls and realize what I'm working with. I know that sounds pompously arrogant, but I have been suffering for so long internally and it feels good to come to this realization. Being overly nice is dishonest, inauthentic, and pushes women away fast.

I've realized it's not about being an asshole, it's just being honest with yourself. The truth is that I have worked hard to get where I am, and I should stand my ground and have standards/boundaries. I know there's plenty of guys out there that feel the same, especially if you spend more time on Reddit than IRL. Sometimes it's better to just say fuck it and point the finger at yourself. I can be better and my shit results are my own doing.

I can't wait to get back in the lab to rid of the neediness, nice guy behavior, and overall low self-esteem. I know I can do better, and I can't wait to finally start approaching girls with confidence of who I am and what I bring to the table.

Would love to hear comments on this or if you feel like I'm off the mark. Very sorry if I came off as ego-centric; take care, y'all!