How to stop being the good/nice guy and be more dominant/confident?

joy_rider483 · 2024-07-16T22:46:17+00:00

Don’t suck up , don’t say ‘yes’ to everything, don’t be tooooo available, put boundaries on behaviour Keep in mind, must remain respectful all this whole towards the woman

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-16T23:38:07+00:00

Sit down and write in excruciating detail what is the kind of man you want to be. Then set out to become this man.

Financier_Emu · 2024-07-17T00:01:44+00:00

Just my opinions below. I hope it is useful.

You say that you had less than ideal examples of leadership from your mother and father growing up. I would like to give my opinion about this. Realize that it’s not their job to show/teach you confidence. It’s not their job to show you how to be disciplined. It’s not their job to show you how to be a leader. It’s your job to learn to do these things. We often see parents as the ones who were supposed to be perfect examples, however, realize that true confidence cannot be shown to you. It will only come from inside your mind and heart. It has to be an internal force which is personally built. I believe though you already are heading down this thought path and not looking to blame anyone, but you kinda still seem hung up on your upbringing. Yet, remember that it’s on you and just be thankful that they did the best they could. They gave you life, make something of yourself, take that responsibility.

How do you build this internal force? A force that commands the room. A force that makes it so when you see someone and think “I want the talk to them” and you do it. With repetitive actions that reinforce self-confidence.

There’s an episode of an old basketball program I saw recently where old legends of the game talked about who gets the last shot when the game is on the line. Who get it? The one that get’s paid the most? The tallest guy? The fastest guy? Who is that guy? The number one option? They all agreed in the end that it was the guy that had the ultimate confidence, shot the most shots in practice, and could get open whenever he was on the court.

The guy that has the ultimate confidence is the guy that’s the most squared away, has prepared the most, and has relentlessly devoted himself to discipline and self improvement. He has built over time the ultimate belief and self confidence that “I am the one who has the privilege of shooting this shot”. Take this sports analogy and apply it to your situation.

You have to take control of your own life to reach your potential and gain the ultimate confidence. This has nothing to do with women. Get your physical aspects in check, diet, exercise. You said you’re good looking so hell yeah you lucked out. Clean your room. Get the best job you can. Get yourself a nice place to live. Get a good car. Take care of your family. Bring others up around you. You must have relentless discipline in becoming someone who you respect. It starts with little victories that snowball. Did you take the trash out? Did you talk to that one girl you when you were nervous? Have an unending optimism! Once you have respect for yourself, confidence is second nature man. No one can take that away from you, but you have to build it piece by piece.

Last quick thing. Girls like nice guys man. They want to be treated well. But I think where you are getting hung up is you aren’t putting your needs as paramount. Remember, in a relationship, your needs come first. ALWAYS. PERIOD. Happy wife happy life is a lie. The happiness in the relationship always comes from the happiness of the guy. Because if you’re happy it will trickle down to her. If you’re always focused on making her happy, she will wonder why you’re not leading and it will make you less attractive.

Anyways wish you well man.

berzerker5000 · 2024-07-17T01:12:21+00:00

Ok so I am a recovering nice guy. Every girl I date describes me as sweet. Always been that way. I had to unlearn some terrible habits like being their friend first, approach anxiety/avoidance, bad posture, not having things to say, being to agreeable/complimentary, never making the first move. Today I am still sweet but I’m taking them to poundtown. I flirt and tease them a ton. Make them laugh. Be a fun part of their day. I am funny and have good discernment to maintain that balance of respect. Give them fantasies they need you to fulfill. My body language is geared toward containing them as a man. I caress them in the right spots and make good eye contact . I go for the kiss in first hours of first date. You can be sweet to them and gentlemanly and also romantically seductive. This is ALL stuff I had to learn and apply. Honestly once you get that first hot ass girl that tells you how hot you are, you can pretty much assume any chcik that shows IOI is already into you. Have the mindset you are already familiar and handsy with them like someone you banged. You escalate gradually but consciously. At times, you to be thinking about banging them while looking at them as they look at you, you want them to feel the sexual energy exuding from you, but it HAS to be calibrated. You want to have these moments where you feel the sexual tension and closeness and then let it dissipate. You start teasing them physically right. Then distract and repeat that kind of moment until you are making out. You wanna both be talking dirty. Once you get there all you have to do is let it unfold is not fuck it up by saying stupid shit. Maybe some logistical hurdles to navigate depending on the situation.

Holiday_Treacle6350 · 2024-07-17T02:28:28+00:00

Been exactly where you are. I'd say embrace yourself the way you are, you're the prize here. If you want to change, instead of being fake and try to look dominant, join a fighting class. Do more masculine things. But if you don't want that, just be yourself. Go on dates until you find the right ones that match your energy.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-07-17T00:22:24+00:00

Focus on congruence and separation from possible outcomes. You cannot force a personality shift for the sake of getting the women that you want, or you will just end up forcing a vibe and make them feel like deer in headlights.

If you are passive by nature, use the strengths of it so u remain congruent with your inner core. You can remain non confrontational; you actually demonstrate more dominance because of it due to the fact it shows lust isn't your guiding principle.

You can use your pasificism as a means to achieve outcome independence. Not caring about the results of interactions is why non chads still get chicks.

If a woman annoys you or tests you, or flat out insults you, your passive nature will enable you to be more non reactive and remain more masculine than alot of your competition. Same goes for when she plays the good girl game to bait u into acting feminine...you are more likely to remain level.

Women ain't turned off by u being nice. It's the tone, tempo, and mannerisms that come with outcome dependence.

MeteoraRed · 2024-07-17T04:32:21+00:00

I too was in your position around same age, read "No more Mr nice guy" by Dr Grover, it's a gem, author is certified marriage and relationship councillor.

tenclowns · 2024-07-17T09:51:06+00:00

Don't try to act dominant. Its better you try to limit some behaviour that makes you look like a nice guy. Faking behaviour aka trying to act dominant makes most guy look stupid because we all have a retarded idea of what dominance is hence its better to limit nice guy behaviour because its much easier to limit behaviour than to act dominant. Try to limit needyness, not having opinions (too agreeable), overfriendly voice (too agreeable) but show that you can initiate a kiss etc and have some ability to flirt. It goes a lot further than faking some stupid take on what being confident is. You end up looking like an moron, never seen a guy who try to act confident not either look partially stupid or insecure in the process, it always looks dumb

Hypnotic_John · 2024-07-16T23:14:49+00:00

I always tried to change me with pure will power, but then I started to use Hypnosis, auto suggestions on my self and I see a faster change!

Fallacyfall · 2024-07-17T11:50:10+00:00

Take decisions. When asked “Where should we go, what should we eat, etc” instead of saying “doesn’t matter, idk”, think about it and make the decision.

When there is a problem, try finding a solution. e.g. If your table is too loud, be the one who asks for a table change.

MouseAware809 · 2024-07-17T07:32:36+00:00

Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. Then do the "Breaking Free" exercises and apply this stuff to your life.

This isn't some "pill" BS. Its about being able to say no, valuing yourself, covert contracts, etc.

Dandys3107 · 2024-07-17T06:28:32+00:00

I believe being confident is pretty similar to being happy. You can get stuck with your myseries, thinking about countless things that are not good, or you can grasp things that you love and multiply them, ignoring anything else. That being said, if you can get to truly love yourself and believe to be worthy of women's affection, you can find the smooth way to project your charms on girls. About game itself, instead of thinking of yourself as a good guy that has no game, play the part how would you think badboy version of you would behave. It doesn't matter if that is your "true" self or whatever, what matters is that girls like it and you would get much more passionate sex life with it.

DeltaKaze · 2024-07-17T08:48:04+00:00

Read and apply what is in "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover

Environmental_Arm637 · 2024-07-17T20:26:23+00:00

Hard to be dominant right away with older girls. Talk to a girl 2 to 4 yrs younger and she will likely be the embarrassed/sweet one. Or you can find a girl that is just the shy type, regardless of age. It should be good practice, ofc don’t be weird or anything but that goes without saying

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-07-17T21:40:12+00:00

Just add a little a hole behaviour. If you have a water bottle squirt her with it wait for her to call you something. Then say yeah I know and smile.

Typical_Message_9477 · 2024-07-16T22:51:22+00:00

You don’t need game lmao. At least you admit that you only get toilets due to your height and looks, mean while i’m bedrotting literally all because of my nose. Having a weird nose as a man is worse than being a. rape victim

TonyDCoaching · 2024-07-17T06:25:03+00:00

You can read loads of information out there for free, but when you're stuck and can't seem a way to move forward your best options are:

Join a community. Find a wing to push you into approaches and hold you accountable.
Hire a coach. Do a bootcamp or get long term video coaching.

Sometimes just being able to talk about your issues helps a lot.

I'm a coach and I have heard the same story as you hundreds of times. Every guy thinks they are broken, there's something uniquely wrong with them. I know as a game mechanic, you guys are almost all exactly the same and solve your issues the same way.

You're not alone.

If you want more focused advice I have a free community. https://www.skool.com/absolute-ability-8668/about

Hot-Plan-7403 · 2024-07-17T02:07:41+00:00

it's written in my genes, i was born in servitude to women, my ultimate purpose is to find a woman who accepts me as a husband and i'll spend the rest of my life making her happy and taking care of our kids

Title	How to stop being the good/nice guy and be more dominant/confident?
Author	held_a_picture
Upvotes	94
Comments	39
Date	July 16, 2024 10:31 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e51x64/how_to_stop_being_the_goodnice_guy_and_be_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-being-the-goodnice-guy-and-be-more.1524466 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524466

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