How can I break this pattern??

DaygameCode · 2025-03-11T23:55:34+00:00

Anxiety cannot be fixed easily just by getting used to say hi to strangers because anxiety is rooted in fears and traumas you have.m and lack of experience dealing with uncomfortable situations as well as ignorance about how best to handle those social situations.

Your mind is probably saying something like this to you:

Dude she probably doesn’t wanna be bothered”
dude you are not good enough for her
she seems to be on a rush, she got no time for me”
she didn’t ask me to approach her or gave any indication that she wants me to”
i’m probably just gonna make a fool of myself”
she is gonna laugh at me or worst, reprimand me”
I don’t even know what to say, and it’s gonna be me trying to force a conversation to happen while she painfully cringes trying to look for an escape”
i don’t think i would be welcomed by her, she probably will look at me with disdain and disapproval for having the audacity to bother her with my nonsense”
she didn’t come here to be hit on by some random guy”…

So, how on earth is just “saying hi until you get used to it” gonna overcome all of this thoughts? It won’t.

It’s like telling someone with a fear of heights to just “jump off small cliffs until they get used to it”… That doesn’t address the underlying fears, and it can even reinforce them if the experiences go badly.

Anxiety isn’t just about action; it’s about perception. If your mind is running those fear-based scripts, then simply “saying hi” won’t do much because you’ll still be stuck in a frame where you see yourself as an intruder, a burden, or unworthy.

What actually works is changing the way you interpret social situations… Which means you need to start reframing your mindset so that approaching stops feeling like an “invasion” and starts feeling like what it actually is: a completely normal, human interaction.

Instead of “She doesn’t want to be bothered,” see it as “She’s just living her life and I’m giving her a moment of curiosity and excitement she didn’t expect.”

Instead of “I’m not good enough for her,” see it as “I don’t even know if she’s good enough for me yet cuz I haven’t even talked to her.”

Instead of “She’s going to judge me,” see it as “She doesn’t even know me. If she’s quick to judge, that’s her problem, not mine.”

It also means you have to stop interpreting rejection as proof that you are worth nothing. You need to stop acting like a woman not wanting to talk with you means you are repulsive, undesirable or worthless because that’s not what it means.

It simply means that she can’t be bothered to meet someone at that moment, because she got more important shit to deal with. Bigger priorities than attending a stranger, and that is normal, perfectly fine, and doesn’t say anything about your worth or your as a person.

It also requires you to fix your internal dialogue, and developing self-esteem. If you are a negative person who immediately begins to think shit like:

“See? I knew i shouldn’t have approached her, i just made a fool of myself… i’m an idiot, i knew that a guy like me couldn’t possibly have a chance with a woman like that. I am just not good enough…”

Then yes, you have low self-esteem and this thoughts only reinforces that. Instead you should begin to choose to have more empowering thoughts such us:

“At least I had the balls to try, which makes me brave! At least, now i got a little bit more experience! At least i learn how not to do an approach based on the reaction ahe had, maybe i should change my approach a little bit to see how women woukd react instead”! I’m proud of myself for having the balls to do it, instead of having to regret not taking action”…:

Because yes, the internal dialogue you choose to have also impacts your self esteem and therefore your anxiety. If you always think i’m negative ways anxiety will be stronger because you don’t wanna think those negative depressing thoughts again which would mess with your mood.

I could go on because this is a whole subject that requires studying and true understanding of your mind. Hence why I am a coach, and can teach you this stuff here with more detail if you want

waanotherbrickll · 2025-03-11T19:55:53+00:00

Start with one you want nothing from.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-03-11T19:41:39+00:00

You can work on your fears through cognitive tricks. Disect the fears on a logical level.

And you can work on it through exposure therapy. Basically; baby steps. Start with something that looks similar but is easier.

herbdean00 · 2025-03-12T15:30:07+00:00

You have to remember the regret you feel when you freeze up and don't do it. You'll probably never get another chance to approach the same girl again. Pick an approach style that isn't so hard. Literally smile and say hey how are you and see how they respond. If they respond cold, you have an answer. If they respond normally then have a conversation and ask to keep in touch.

r_gui · 2025-03-11T20:52:23+00:00

Start with the most innocent thing a child ever does. Simply say Hi. Do that until you're comfortably. Then, the following time, say hi and then ask a simple question. I use hypotheticals to help me detatch from the nervousness.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-03-12T02:40:56+00:00

The next time this happens dont walk away, just take a deep breath and close your eyes in front of the girl. Calm yourself before you're about to speak and say "sorry was just a bit nervous {opener}"

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-03-13T04:58:18+00:00

Do it as often as possible is pretty much the only way

epimpstyle · 2025-03-11T19:52:57+00:00

A dating coach will fix this "problem" in a few hours because you will see him approaching girls and after a while you will do the same, you know "monkey see, monkey do".

If you try to fix this problem on your own, it will take you about two weeks. It is a slow process and the change doesn't happen automatically.

In short, it is about knowing an opener and how to build a conversation. Imagine you have to speak in front of an audience about "climate change", if you just take the microphone and start speaking you will have all kinds of problems because you are not prepared, but if you made some notes before you took the microphone, made a script to follow, inserted some jokes, the whole thing became easier.

Once you have a story, you have to be mentally prepared because it is like jumping into the water. If you hesitate, the water is not getting warmer, but what happened before you jumped is a change in your mind and that change made you jump in the water.

How you make this change in your mindset is another story.

The last thing that will help you with anxiety is to wear nice clothes, be clean, smell good, have a nice haircut - make a good first impression. Be aware that just having a good first impression without having a good attitude is not going to help you, but even if you have a first good impression with a good attitude but you know you don't know what to say after the opener, that's another problem, you need all three things to solve.

You will solve them either consciously or later as you grow up.

MattPruga · 2025-03-11T19:38:40+00:00

you can't, give up!

Title	How can I break this pattern??
Author	MRwritr
Upvotes	22
Comments	10
Date	March 11, 2025 7:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j8z3pt/how_can_i_break_this_pattern/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-break-this-pattern.1546278 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546278

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