How Did Everyone Start Approaching?

Nopani · 2016-09-06T07:31:27+00:00

Personally I'm one of those guys who follows seddit in the hopes of finding the perfect post who will magically and effortlessly transform me into a Don Juan, and I most likely will continue to do so until the frustration I've built up pushes me to either kill myself or approach a girl.

But if I had to pick the one post which everyone who hopes to get started should follow, it'd be this: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ffaqq/fr_girl_on_the_bus/

IWriteForGroupies · 2016-09-06T07:17:19+00:00

I researched and then I started doing it. I got rejected a lot. Then I got a little success. After that I continued to improve.

hausel12 · 2016-09-06T09:19:26+00:00

It was before I even knew about pickup. There was this one girl in a bar, our eyes met a couple times but I didn't had the guts to approach. Then when I saw she was about to leave the bar some mystic force pushed me and I walked up to her, told her I like her and would like to go out with her. She was super pleased about my approach, gave me her number and we set up a date.

After this night I realized I want to get into this kind of stuff and finally found out about pickup.

davidoffsky · 2016-09-06T07:58:54+00:00

You have to get hurted emotionally to get started ! You won't never progress if you don't get hurted ! I started picking up girls 4 days ago ! First day i got rejected in every set ! The following day I got 6 number closes and my game has improved drastically it s just abt The practise bro ! Go get your ass kicked a little bit

ltdemon · 2016-09-06T11:15:35+00:00

Well, currently I am getting over my approach anxiety, so what I started doing is approaching random strangers and just start talking to them, why I am doing and so on.

Woujo · 2016-09-06T14:43:59+00:00

I feel like you, and a lot of people on this sub, are making too big of a deal of approaching. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just talk to people. Go say hi. Feel the situation out. Stop psyching yourself out. There is no preparation and there is no rules. Stop overthinking. The more you think the more you feel afraid.

exgodfather · 2016-09-06T09:29:00+00:00

When I saw the most beautiful girl, decided to go up to her, stuttered on my approach and she laughed in my face.

If you want to force yourself to approach, realise one thing: No one gives a shit what you do or what you are about. Those people on the street do not care that you have just gone up to a random girl and started to talk about her.

Read Models by Mark Manson in 2 days, on the third approach.

Try the three second rule.

Approaching becomes addictive, if you don't approach that hot chick, you become upset with yourself.

Big_TX · 2016-09-06T17:04:53+00:00

I'm super blessed to have two working feet. I used them and walked over to the girl. This blessing is compounded by the fact that I have a working mouth which I then proceeded to use to talk.

I get what what I said was a snarky comment, but you really have to adopt that attitude. Your attitude towards a task will dramatically change how difficult it is. Pluss game is like 76.29% attitude

I'll edit more advice in once I'm on a computer. But seriously, view for what it is a simple task. Don't look at the obstacles you have to face and think "oh losts after I open her what do I say? After that what do I do? Aaaa"

Ok,

How to have more to say and be more interesting:

feed your mind learn about whats going on, lead a more interesting life, learn to flirt, and learn to speak engagingly aka the million dollar mouth peace and lastly generic conversation skills.

The way I see it, conversation can be broken down into four parts: Content, Structure, engagement, and over all skill.

content:

You can either talk about hard topics, or flirt/joke.

Hard content include pretty much anything. What you did, and interesting thing, get to know you questions, sports, history, investing, what you work out routine is, a news story, your opinion on a news story a personal anecdote. her, and of course comment on things she tells you and comments on.

The way you have more hard topics to talk about is to do more stuff. If you're in University Join clubs, if not go on Meetup.com and join organizations that interest you. and start making a social circle and doing new things. if you socialize more and do new things through out the week, come Saturday you will have much more to talk about than if all you did was go to work go to the gym watch TV then go to sleep then drink with you buddy Friday. Go travel and make your goal be to have as many different experiences as possible (not to maximize enjoyment, and ironically you will probably end up enjoying it more). Read the news then form opinions (but keep an open mind) If you go watch movies, pay attention to interesting things and dynamics. if you like one pay attention to why you liked it or didn't like it. Also ask questions to see what people did or didn't like a something. My friend didn't care for War Dogs. I him why, he thought about it as said, "It was great through out, and John Hill was Amazing, unfortunately the movie wasn't as good as he was, and the ending could have been awesome leaving the audience with a wowed feeling, but the way they edited it leaved you feeling let down. " that was much more interesting than "oh how was War Dogs" "meh" "oh thats disappointing" "yep". he thought about why he liked something, and explained. additional, if I was just meeting him, this would have helped me get to know him better. This also can demonstrate your intelligence to women, and intelligence is intact a turn on. Lastly having opinions and sharing them demonstrates a degree of confidence.

soft content would be things flirting, making jokes, role-plays, sarcastic remarks, battles of whit. you really wan't to interweave the two. adding the soft content helps bring the conversations to life, and makes them more fun. In dating this helps you add an romantic dynamic an helps immensely with escalating the interaction.

structure

Structure is mainly comprised of "conversation threading", "and yes", "volunteering information" and of course letting the other person speak, and talking about what they talk about.

conversation threading this is super basic, when someone says something, pay attention to what they say. There will usually be multiple things within that conversation you can talk about to make a new conversation.

example:

John: So I went to a concert last night.

This comment has created several new potential threads the other participant can use to jump off of. He could sat "nice who did you see" or"what venue" or "how did you get there" (and I'm sure there are even more possibilities too)

lets use each possibility

Max: "how did you get there"

John: " i took the train"

Max: "nice I its super convenient, but sometimes there are sketch ball's on it"

John: "haha really, what happened, nothing ever happened when i ride it."

Max: tells anecdotes

option two

max: "who did you see"

John: " Meuse"

Max: "Oh i love them, they are really cool cut they are able to maintain a consistent sound, like they always sound like the same band, but there is a lot of verity between songs. and they stay creative"

John: "yah defiantly, plus they have awesome later shows at their concerts."

Max: " Im not the biggest fan of Alternative but I love muse"

now they are talking about music and could easily Segway into a different topic.

you can also double back to old threads if a conversation topic truly dies.

And Yes

This is the first rule of improve. it is more used for flirting but you basically add onto what they say. Todd Valentine has a great You Tube video that explains this.

volunteering information

Basically talk about several things or why you feel a certain way about a topic off the bat. (but be sure you don't ramble.) this will provide the other person with more jumping off points to great new conversation threads and potentially help them get to know you better.

example:

John: how was your day

(no instead of saying "good" effective killing the conversation, volunteer more information)

Max: good I did x, y and z

or

Max: trying, I did X Y then this crazy thing happened ( insert anecdote )

This provides your conversation partner with more jumping off points. Additionally, If you are just meeting the person this often sets the tone for conversations with you. They will sort of understand that with you you colentere more information rather than just saying " I'm fine" probably 70% of people will pick up on this.

engagement:

You want to talk like you are interested in what you have to say and with women you need to put some energy behind it. You want to find the sweet spot. If you over do it, you will come across as weird. Practice, and pay attention to engaging speakers.

You will also want to practice speaking with relaxed vocal folds this gives you "authority" and makes women more interested. to do this thing of the "telephone voice". you know how people sound timid and funny when they speak on the telephone? go use that voice and pay attention to how the muscles in your throat feel. Then relax those muscles.

over all conversation skills

to develop them practice socializing. You want to build up social momentum. if you socialize with a friend at linch, and talk to your co workers through out the day you will be more "warmed up" if you go out in the evening you will have better a better socializing experience and you can keep growing from there. lets say you go participate in trivia night with your trivia club Tuesday. go to a dinner party Wednesday, and improve class Thursday. You will be so much more social and better at socializing Friday night when you go out. you can go out Friday and improve your social skills then Saturday you will start out event better. and you will go into the next week with elevated skills.

It is really important to do thins and to use social momentum. after you have kept the ball rolling for a wile if you won't able to socialize as frequently, you will lost you momentum but you will have raised your base line level of social skills. the momentum allows you to do things you wouldn't normally be able to do. but it it can improve your skills when you don't have momentum as well.

Its important to get to higher levels.

Last tip: pay attention to people with better conversation skills and social skills and see what they do to make it work.

sorry if this ended up having a lot of tips and was wordily written towards the end. I got really tired from writing it haha.

hope everything makes since and good luck!

MobPsycho300 · 2016-09-06T19:26:22+00:00

My main fear wasn't rejection or the girl, it was other people watching me approach. Then one day I just thought to myself, nobody in here can whoop me in a fight! So why should i care lol. It's obnoxious but it helps me.

WidoW_ExPress · 2016-09-06T15:05:12+00:00

The first step in took is just going out and getting a lot of phone numbers. I'm talking HUNDREDS, enough to get you stupid confident every time you do it. Literally to the point that you don't think you just do it. Step 2. Once you learn that you suck at texting, get working on that by reading books on frame and value giving texts. That should make it easier to start meeting these girls. Then Start going for make outs. Go to parties, dates, and even day game and just go for it. It's a lot easier than you think if you can put the confidence from getting a number into kissing.

Keep building from that, always improving, always have a plan and goals for what you want. Knowing what you want gives you confidence to do it.

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-09-06T15:29:45+00:00

First started approaching when I was in college and lost my first girlfriend. Probably about 3 months of 1 to 3 girls approached per day. 3 major prospects, invited to a few parties, a lot of missed opportunities because I was looking for a serious girlfriend and not friends / hookups. Also didn't know to take dance classes etc which would have changed everything.

aswjacob · 2016-09-06T17:55:07+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4rmg14/4_steps_to_feel_fearless_approaching_women/

AstralSurfer11 · 2016-09-06T19:48:52+00:00

I just went out to the bars at night and yeah just forced myself to do it. I would do some warm up sets and make very brief conversation with girls and then eventually have longer ones. It feels awkward at first but its just like jumping in a pool. It becomes much more easy and comfortable.

Readit-all · 2016-09-07T10:32:18+00:00

I am 19, I found this sub about 6 months ago and couldn't approach at all until this summer. I got a job where there are thousands of tourists streaming though. It was brilliant! I HAD to make announcements in front of groups of 20+.

My job was queue management so if I didn't start talking to people I'd spend 5 hours bored out of my mind. On my fist shift the first half hour was me being a little bitch but then I got chatting and approached and I had no idea how easy it was!

Obviously some people HAD to talk to me but it forced me to improve on small talk, recognise when people are bored and when to exit conversations. This helps a lot

After this I really wouldn't be nervous approaching anyone. It taught me many things. I learnt everyone has a story no matter who they are and I'm just not shy anymore. Approaching doesn't frighten me like it used to.

The next step is improving my escalating, f-closes and style

foretoldstampede · 2016-09-06T09:39:24+00:00

Thanks for the comments. I guess what stops me ia that last second excuse. For example, i was on the train today and there was a cute asian girl and i wanted to say something. But its like I'm being handcuffed or restrained. I JUST WONT DO IT

Its hard to break out of that

TheyCallMeNatty · 2016-09-07T03:47:52+00:00

I did two things.

I forced myself to be social at all times. If I had nothing else to do, I would go on walks downtown. I took the bus. I never had headphones on me for my first month. I forced myself to interact with those around me. This is something that will make you comfortable in social situation.
I decided that I am good enough. I realized how much value I had to offer the world. I do a lot of day game. So before I ever do a cold approach, I say to myself "I am good enough" with a smirk on my face. (I also say this in my head before I pull the trigger.)

I'm not a super high energy person, nor do I act like an asshole. The goal is to act like the world is a party and you're the host. Talk to everyone and accept the fact you are good enough.

Andreas-Lubitz · 2016-09-07T07:01:40+00:00

I'm not a big fan of cold-approaching girls, why? Because it puts you at a disadvantage - She will hold all the cards, now you set yourself for rejection.

foretoldstampede · 2016-09-06T23:58:06+00:00

I'm going to start which might get everyone to start approaching. Myself included

Title	How Did Everyone Start Approaching?
Author	foretoldstampede
Upvotes	23
Comments	26
Date	September 6, 2016 6:46 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/51dy69/how_did_everyone_start_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-everyone-start-approaching.1412015 https://theredarchive.com/post/1412015

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