How do you not let external things shape your happiness?

Spaceman7Spiff · 2014-04-03T19:57:30+00:00

I smell what youre steppin in. I have been kinda going through a similar roller coaster ride. And its still not over. What i have learned though is that i need to hold up my happiness on as many things as possible so that if one of the legs is kicked out from under my chair, theres still several more to keep my ass off the ground. The other thing i do is try not to get overwhelmed by the task of self improvement and instead take everything one day at a time and consciously make the right decisions, regardless of my mood (ie. Go to the gym even when im tired) Like i said, im still working on it but im starting to notice little changes here and there that are very encouraging. Hope this helps

Aushou · 2014-04-03T18:29:35+00:00

Constant mental exercise is the best way I can describe it. Constant training to take a negative emotional response, logically process why it's not useful to get upset, and then calm down. In the beginning it's a conscious exercise, but after a while it becomes autonomous through training. There's no point stressing out over something, because it rarely helps you accomplish anything that might alleviate said stressor. It's not as easy as acknowledging that once, it's requires constant vigilance over your emotions to begin to actually take hold.

2014-04-03T18:52:06+00:00

I feel like the best reason for happiness is no reason at all. Simply because you exist, so can happiness. Happiness, is something you are, not something to get. It's the same with people. If you want to easily meet warm funny beautiful confident present people and know them intimately, then be easy, create the energy of warmth, be funny, know yourself as beautiful, be confident in your own presence, and know yourself intimately. Cold meeting them will not bring warmth easy interaction. Much success in your inner and outer quest to know!

SwordfshII · 2014-04-03T19:44:49+00:00

You have to be happy with yourself. By that I mean you have to be able to spend time just with yourself, no texting, or socializing, just doing chores, reading a book, watching a movie, whatever...

When you don't care or need other people in your life, you will be happy with yourself.

BlueIsStylinOnYou · 2014-04-03T20:35:21+00:00

Honestly?

There is no way to always be happy. Because it's just human nature to enter periods of sadness every once in a while.

Look at it this way. For you to truly enjoy your happiness, you needed to truly experience suffering.

Only thing I can say is that those moments/days/whatever you go through where you just feel...'sad', is to just roll with it. Do your best to cope. Because life changes from one moment to the next, and it's never the same as yesterday.

ithearrow · 2014-04-03T20:51:10+00:00

Read Feeling good, it'll help you

TailoredSuccess · 2014-04-04T02:13:11+00:00

Enter the present. The power of now

puntingbaxter · 2014-04-03T17:31:39+00:00

I grew up.

DamienDieckeSOA · 2014-04-03T23:45:13+00:00

One of the great ways to improve your self-confidence is already written in your title. Not focusing on external things. But like all great wisdom, the art isn't in the 'knowing' it's in the 'doing', and often times that's harder than it sounds like it aught to be.

The best first step for you is to start changing the way that you set goals for yourself. So you might decide that you want to get 2 phone numbers next time you go out. But that's a horrible thing to aim for because you can't control how many phone numbers you get. No matter how good you are with women, you never have control, just a degree of influence. So if you go out to talk to girls, your goal has to ALWAYS be something you are in control of. I.e. "Tonight I'm going to ASK 4 girls for their numbers". If you don't complete that goal, then all the 'fault' is internal. So long as something is YOUR fault and not THE WORLD, then you maintain a far greater sense of control over your world.

BUT the same needs to be applied to all areas of your life. I run a business, and I never pick goals like 'I want to be making an extra $1m a year next year'. I always have goals like 'By end of the year, I will have an entirely new training program set up online'. Because that's something I can control for sure, rather than whether people will pay for that product or not.

The more you start setting goals for yourself that you are in complete control of, the more confident you will get.

Externally validated goals pervade your sub-conscious on a daily basis. You get up and say 'i want to get to work on time' instead of 'im going to leave home at this time'. So you start becoming more and more aware of your internal goal setting process and once that starts to shift, your entire outlook on life will change profoundly.

If you want to research this more, do some reading on 'Martin Seligman', he is the world fore-running reseracher in positive psychology.

Title	How do you not let external things shape your happiness?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	11
Date	April 3, 2014 5:09 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/22481g/how_do_you_not_let_external_things_shape_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-not-let-external-things-shape-your.1368564 https://theredarchive.com/post/1368564

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