How does one separate themselves from outcome?

heckz · 2011-05-30T20:36:22+00:00

Please see a therapist/counsellor. I think the issues to deal with here are beyond some uncredentialed advice on the internet from us.

In the mean time read up everything you can about inner game.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-30T21:29:39+00:00

Patience, grasshopper.

You must learn to wait, without waiting for something.

howdoiupvote · 2011-05-30T22:42:30+00:00

Tyler from RSD speaks a lot about the key to success in your relationships and your life in general being Intent (clarity in your thoughts and actions) + Freedom from Outcome (not being attached to your results, not striving or trying for a certain outcome). Check his stuff out.

JanusTheDoorman · 2011-05-30T21:27:28+00:00

I'm assuming you're speaking about hypothetical future children, and not trying to repair/rekindle a relationship with the actual mother of your children. In either case, I'm just a guy on the internet and my advice should be weighed accordingly, but if it's the latter, please actually get some professional help from a relationship counselor.

This will take some time to explain, but the short answer is that you don't. In fact you can't. Part of you always knows the reason you're there, and it's trying to get your attention the same way it tries to get your attention when a tiger is three feet away from you. You're not going to convince it to shut up.

Faced with such a challenge, it's really tempting to look for a guarantee of success. "Be a dominant male, and she'll always fall for you". "Do only what's in your best interests and you'll never fail". Neither of these statements are true in any useful way, but it's a lot easier to convince yourself that you know what it means to be a dominant male than it is to convince yourself that you're going to get the girl, and so by creating a mental bridge between the two, we can feel as if we know what to do.

But you know that nagging feeling at the back of your head? The one that makes you end every statement about your confidence as a question - "This is what it takes, right?". "I've thought of everything, haven't I?" That's the part of you that knows you're standing in a castle made of sand. That the mental bridge you built between technique and outcome exists nowhere but your mind. if I had the chance to redesign the human mind one of the first things I'd do is turn that silent discomfort into a screaming klaxon.

"Separate yourself from the outcome" isn't an order not to care about the future, nothing could be more harmful. It's about breaking those flimsy mental bridges that allow you to convince yourself that you've done your best when you really know you can do so much more. It's about learning to trust yourself instead of the outline from a book. It's about accepting that maybe getting the girl will take more than you know how to give, that maybe the girl is more than a target, but another human being with just as much power to choose how the night goes, and won't judge you worthy of her until you're the sveltest, funniest, smoothest, strongest, smartest guy she's ever met, and you're five years of hard work away from that.

No matter how close you are, you're still an eternity away if you're looking to "try" instead of "do." Separation from your goals isn't something you do, it's something you realize was always the case anyway, and it's time to stop looking for guarantees and guidance, or some road marker that will tell you when you've tried your best, and step your game up - win or fail, there is no best.

side2 · 2011-05-30T21:33:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

side2 · 2011-05-30T21:35:38+00:00

So you are single right now and you are getting caught up in thinking about the long term future and you become worried you might mess it up and some how mess up that future?

If thats the case, heres what I suggest. Do as many approaches as you can. Go out, get blown out, get denied, and realize its not that big of a deal. Tofu said in another post that your first 1000 approaches don't matter whatsoever. This is the attitude you need. I'm guessing that you are not going out enough or approaching enough people, but rather you are getting caught up in finding the perfect woman.

It may be the case that you also have too high of standards for this perfect woman that you want to end up with. Try lowering your standards. It REALLY helps with the I dont give a fuck attitude. One of MaysonNSS's epiphanies in his epiphany post was that you have to earn high standards, you shouldn't just start with them. Recently I lowered my standards a bit and it has hugely helped my game and my confidence because when I was approaching women I didn't perceive as being super hot, I could tell myself I didn't care about the outcome because I really didn't care that much, as compared with talking to some HB 9 who I'm constantly worried is judging me and that I will fuck up.

Title	How does one separate themselves from outcome?
Author	side2
Upvotes	4
Comments	51
Date	May 30, 2011 8:24 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hnpbq/how_does_one_separate_themselves_from_outcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-does-one-separate-themselves-from-outcome.1318805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318805

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