How Flirting is Different- I'm learning

howdytest · 2010-11-12T04:44:50+00:00

This might be against some seddit groupthink, but imo, flirting is the same as talking. Every good conversation I've had has left me with an impression of "hey, that person was really cool". It doesn't matter whether or not it was a man or a woman. The fact was that I was interested in what s/he had to say and s/he was interested in what I had to say.

Sure, the over-the-top "I'm a sexual male and I want you" might work with drunk girls, but if you want to develop connections with anyone, you need more.

I understand the desire to break things down into a formulaic structure, but in social interactions, it might do more harm than good. Bare minimum, such a thought process keeps you in your head. If you're like most guys who have anxiety issues, thinking you need to do X, Y, and/or Z will only make things worse.

Here's the example I tell people all the time: Imagine the person you trust completely: a best friend, your mom, even your dog. When you're with that person, you're funny, smart, loose, etc. You're not worried about anything, let alone flirting. With this person, you talk and you goof around and you have fun. Imagine you're talking to this person all the time.

When that behavior becomes a habit, you won't need to learn how to flirt, act confident, or anything. You'll already be doing it.

We fuck up because we imagine some consequence: not getting the girl, being an idiot, whatever. Stop that. Again, with your best friend, you don't worry about that shit.

So you can either break flirting down into different techniques and sentences or you can be yourself. The simple truth is that, when no one's looking, we are the coolest motherfucker ever.

throwawayrarst · 2010-11-12T14:36:33+00:00

Part of your second point is building tension. When you send mixed signals it makes the other person wonder what is going on. For example, whispered in their ear, "mmmmmm you smell good" pause, then push away with "too bad you're such a dork"

philosarapter · 2010-11-12T14:56:13+00:00

In this way, your body language, kino, eye contact, and vocal tone can all indicate "I want you" while your words say otherwise.

Yep this is the best way I can describe it.

Flirting is simply playful behavior. Its a test of wit and the act of two people sizing each other up in terms of emotional compatibility and more importantly: an excuse to touch.

LoveHotel · 2010-11-12T04:43:23+00:00

I think you've got juggler's definition a bit wrong. The opposite of sarcasm is flattery or praise.

When you flirt, no need to play mind games, just be upfront about it.

acepincter · 2010-11-12T14:55:32+00:00

I think Juggler might disagree with your #1 point.
He emphasizes that, once you have her interest (after reaching the personal level of conversation) that you should be talking openly, boldly, passionately about what you love and what you feel. it's ok to be talking about her, but YOU and your passion should be the driving force in the conversation.

AimlessArrow · 2010-11-12T04:29:09+00:00

Wouldn't it be easier to just say, "You're hot, let's have sex"?

Instead you have to encode everything in an opposite-meaning cipher.

Fucking inefficient.

Title	How Flirting is Different- I'm learning
Author	IDesignMyself
Upvotes	6
Comments	24
Date	November 12, 2010 4:03 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e4y9z/how_flirting_is_different_im_learning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-flirting-is-different-im-learning.1312919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312919

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