How important is having things in common with women?

Tombstone31 · 2014-05-06T02:40:49+00:00

Talking about TV is awful conversation.
I'm really into sports, but I bore girls when I talk about it. Even when I find girls that like sports, you can only talk about it for like 5 minutes.
I've never had a conversation about music with a girl.

Please don't talk about politics (or religion). It's boring to a lot of people, and is likely to start a fight and engender bitterness for people who are really into it.

Major props to Juggler for what I'm about to say:

Good conversation centers on one topic: you and the person you're talking to. Stop thinking about it in terms of subjects. You're not exchanging facts; you're talking about how you and your conversational partner relate to the world around you. You are an individual, and you have literally a billion opinions, views, and thoughts about the world around you. Share them, and find out what hers are! Some of my first date conversations have been about: what monsters I was scared of when I was a kid; how I think it's bizarre that girls like Law and Order SVU (without ever actually talking about the substance of the show); my views on feminine leads in movies that aren't romantic comedies (leading to a discussion of feminism); and the best places to eat in the city.

In short, there's no way to control the general subjects that you'll talk about with girls; the key thing to remember is that you're ultimately talking about YOU, whatever the underlying subject is.

If you want more info, check out Juggler/Charisma Arts/Wayne Elise. I don't usually advertise PUA stuff, but he's the shit when it comes to getting better at conversation.

Polaritical · 2014-05-06T04:12:07+00:00

Im a girl and I'll say this: each person has their own idea of what is important to them, and they wilk want you to have that in common with them.

I dont care if you like the same tv shows as me. Its not important and I actually dislike talking about tv.

I find that the kind of music a guy likes has a surprisingly large affect on how attracted to him I am. But a lot of people couldn't care less about that sort of thing.

So what is important to have in common with someone is dependent upon each person.

As to what to talk about with a person? The sign of a good convo to me has more to do with the flow than whats actually said. You can always let her come up with the topic and see where it goes from there. If you have chemistry then the responses should be somewhat natural and you wont ha e to think about them.

To me, humor is the most important. So I dont care if I have little in common with someone as long as we have a similar sense of humor (I dont just want to think theyre funny, I also want them to find MY jokes funny).

jimmyayo · 2014-05-06T02:27:56+00:00

Models covers this topic extremely well. Pls have a read. There's even a free summary PDF if u search for it in this subreddit.

For me personally, I have quite a few hobbies and interests. Like you, I am not I to pop culture at all and it is completely boring to me. I have no TV. BUT...

I travel and read a lot. I try different outdoor activities all the time, and like to talk about these things. I'm a classically trained musician and now a software consultant. I'm always meeting new Interesting people and try to get to know them as well. Also it's really fun to talk to a girl about dating dynamics, funny (horrible) first date stories, etc.

I'm not that into sports I'm not that into music

Then what ARE you into? Anything?

Friend, if you have no interests or hobbies you WILL be boring. It takes effort to go out and seek new experiences.

You should try to expand your horizons and be the type of person that others want to talk to and get to know.

recyclablebantha · 2014-05-06T04:11:10+00:00

So yes, my biggest fear is nothing to talk about. Usually I just end up ranting, or start asking questions about her life to cover up my lack of interest. What do you guys talk about on dates?

Like the other guy said.... you can't plan this stuff. But there is an attitude you should be thinking about: Be attentive to the person you're with, and they will give you all the material you need. You don't NEED to come up with much, unless you start feeling selfish and really feel a burning need to talk about what you want to talk about.

But why would you do that when the girl will willingly give you all the information you need to determine whether you like her or not, AND all the information you need to take the conversation further. So how to do it?

Say something to incite a response from her. It could be a comment or a question, as long as it leads to more than a one word answer.
While she's talking, LISTEN. Stop thinking about what you want to say. Concentrate wholly on the words coming out of her mouth.
When she stops talking, think about what she just said.
Take what she said and go deeper or elaborate on it. (Example: So she just moved here? Where from? How did it feel to move? Exciting? Scary? etc.) Your goal ought to be to get at her emotions and motivations and figure out what kind of person she is.
The bonus from this approach is that she will reveal the kind of information that makes planning dates really easy.

So really, it's not about YOU. It's about HER. She'll tell you how to seduce her, if you pay attention.

Apex_of_Attraction · 2014-05-06T03:53:27+00:00

Broaden your perspective to see the value in things like TV, music. In the same way you would appreciate a girl who made the effort to understand your interests and learned a bit about politics, you can do the same with her interests. If it's popular, ask yourself "How do I feel about that?". Even if you don't like the same things she does, develop an articulate perspective of why that is. You don't have to like everything she likes. Not liking the same stuff provides just as much meat for a conversation as liking the same stuff. If anything, your disinterest in the same things can break rapport and demonstrate to her that you're not just agreeing with her in a needy "me too" kind of way. Own who you are.

rmbarnes · 2014-05-06T12:21:04+00:00

I really wouldn't worry about it, I generally don't spend that long talking about those things.

PowerSeductionWar · 2014-05-06T03:00:48+00:00

Not important. Don't aim to match and don't adjust, instead aim to envelop.

When you get really good at this shit you will find that girls take on YOUR values and start liking everything you like.

Also: if you start liking something they like purely because they like it then they lose respect for you because you are taking on her role instead of leading.

PowerSeductionWar · 2014-05-06T03:12:19+00:00

To answer your question directly, what you talk about does not matter to her. Talk about what you want to talk about. If you're into it, she's into it. If you feel bored of the convo, she feels bored of the convo.

If your girl had a female version of seddit she would post the exact same thing you just posted. The majority of girls are empty canvasses willing to be filled by whatever YOU like.

They are fluid and adaptable, easily influenced by a man who's sure about himself.

If you let HER dictate what's a good conversation or not, what's cool and what's not, ect, you surrender your role as the leader and she has to take it, and girls hate to lead.

She'll pass on the leadership role to which ever man is willing to envelop her like a man is supposed to.

Tl;dr do shit or get shit done to you. Set the frame.

Title	How important is having things in common with women?
Author	don_won
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	May 6, 2014 2:17 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/24twqw/how_important_is_having_things_in_common_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-important-is-having-things-in-common-with.1370347 https://theredarchive.com/post/1370347

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