How to develop chill, low-key confidence and charisma, when repetition doesn't work?

naosoucalvoprometo · 2026-03-22T18:21:54+00:00

One thought which has helped me not getting overwhelmed by dealing with women is not mixing who they are with how they make me feel. What do I mean by that? Women get us aroused, excited, in love, horny, whatever, but thats on us, thats OUR attraction towards them. That doesnt mean they are necessarily great people or better than anyone. As they say, dont put them on a pedestal. By understanding the difference, I feel I can talk to them as equals and even show how they make me feel without treating them as Goddesses, just another human being.

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-03-23T00:21:23+00:00

You reminded me of myself. I work in a fast pace environment, deal a lot with numbers, and practically can’t afford to have a mistake. So all that makes me a serious person at times. And I’m totally aware of that.

But I’ve been cold-approaching women for years. Even tho it sounds similar with “cold sales”, there’s barely anything similar in details when it comes to cold approaching women.

With the latter you gotta relax, tone it down a notch, and not everything needs to be taken seriously when it comes to women. I even personally believe that small talks are a waste of time. So Imagine the transition I gotta make from work-environment to a social one. It almost feels like you gotta have 2 completely different personalities, or you gotta be able to swing from one extreme to another. At work I can’t afford to have a small talk with a colleague whenever I realize that goes nowhere. But with women? I used to think their voice just goes from one ear to another when they do their small talks and see their jaws yapping like in a mute movie. I slowly started to enjoy them and pay attention to them.

But that transition requires practices and a lot of self reminders. I can’t go straight from work to a club, there’s gotta be a transition time like an hour or 2 so I can wind down and tell myself I’m not at work anymore. This is where I’ve found out that a person’s characters and personality traits are not rigid. Humans have great abilities to adapt to their environment that’s why we thrive as a species.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2026-03-22T21:13:23+00:00

When you said repetition doesn't help, I was like "oh he must have done like 1000+ cold approaches or gone on 30+ dates or went to dozens of social events". But no, you just did some cold calls.

I'm not even going to give you advice. You already know what you did wrong. You tried to go the roundabout, indirect way of developing these traits because you were too scared to just work on it directly by:

Talking to women
Face to face
In a romantic/dating context
In high volume

You can't get around doing the actual work, dude.

bmguitar · 2026-03-22T23:44:25+00:00

I said this before on this sub, but try exploring psychedelics.
It made me accept the way I am, gave me this incredible confidence - not "I'm the best" kind of confidence, but being comfortable with who I am and presenting myself. I now also want to spread God/universe's love, and people can sense my positivism. I have much better relationship with my friends and family, and also better interaction and luck with women.
Do extensive research in advance if you decide to do it - this is not child's play.

Dandys3107 · 2026-03-23T05:52:24+00:00

Find yourself an environment where you can feel naturally confident, empowered, happy, energetic. It obviously includes people you are surrounding yourself with. Next, you should be at your best to behave like you at your best. As it comes to women, you can't force them to like you, therefore you should stay casual about your interactions and have some fun time together, to check whether you even vibe well with each other and pay attention to her reactions whether anything indicates she may be interesting in developing towards more intimate relation with you.

Wonderful_Tip_2023 · 2026-03-24T00:33:51+00:00

My best advice is stop trying to be charismatic and start trying to be present and actually enjoy the conversation. People can feel when you’re in your head vs in the moment. Try the app Shawty to review your convos and play back when you were too serious or not.

abcsofattraction · 2026-03-29T06:55:30+00:00

The 40k sales calls tell me everything I need to know about what’s going wrong. You got very good at a transactional, scripted process. What you didn’t build is emotional attunement, the ability to read and match someone’s emotional state in real time and respond to the feeling behind what they’re saying rather than just the content.

Sales rapport and genuine human connection are different skills. You can be technically competent at one and completely underdeveloped at the other. That’s exactly what you’re describing.

A few things worth addressing directly:

You can’t think your way into warmth. The passive, inexpressive default you’re operating from isn’t a personality type, it’s a dysregulated emotional baseline. When you try to correct for it consciously, it comes out forced because you’re applying logic to something that needs to operate emotionally. The fix isn’t more awareness of the problem. It’s learning to regulate your internal state before and during interactions so your natural expression can actually come through.

Your environment matters more than your technique. If you can’t reliably manage your state in high-energy social environments, you’re fighting the room on top of everything else. Online and daygame are actually better starting formats for you right now because they’re lower stimulus, more one-on-one, and give you more control over the variables while you build the emotional range.

The conversation problem is a leading problem. You can ask questions but can’t build on them because you’re not leading emotionally. You’re waiting to see where she goes and then following. That reads as passive and creates the “no connection” feeling on her end. Learning to lead a conversation means taking responsibility for where it goes emotionally, introducing threads, making observations, steering toward depth when it’s appropriate. That’s a skill, not a personality trait.

The overcorrection between too intense and too cold is classic calibration gap. You have two modes and no middle. That gets fixed through deliberate practice specifically on emotional expression and physical escalation in lower-stakes environments until the range between those two extremes fills in naturally.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-03-22T18:32:29+00:00

Seems like you're slightly autistic or just have a unique vibe. And then you try to hide (mask) it by trying to fake it one way or the other. It reads as incongruent or weird, and turns people off.

Question for you: Do you think this vibe is unchangable? I mean, like a core part of your personality that is there genetically or you were just born this way?

OR: Are you acting this way because you're afraid of how you're coming across, or just don't know the right things to say. If this is the case, then you should have long stretches in your life where this was not a problem. I would then also expect you to have zero issues on this front when talking to male friends for example. But mostly only experiencing the issue when talking to women in a romantic / dating sense.

So is it chronic / in all social situations for many many years, or is it just context dependent when talking to attractive women?

CatInTheHatDog · 2026-03-22T20:24:53+00:00

Train Brazilian Jiu-Jitstu. It'll fix everything

Title	How to develop chill, low-key confidence and charisma, when repetition doesn't work?
Author	laptopglass
Upvotes	21
Comments	28
Date	March 22, 2026 5:44 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1s0s21c/how_to_develop_chill_lowkey_confidence_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-develop-chill-low-key-confidence-and.1576157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576157

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