How to have a non-interview conversation with cold approach?

Back2theCouture · 2026-06-14T01:31:46+00:00

First of all: People won’t open up if you won’t open up yourself.

From your experience above, if she answered she is bored, what could you have replied using that information? She laughed tho, that means it’s a good sign. You could tell her something like “you know what I usually do when I get bored?” Most people would say “what?” Then you could go on by telling her what you typically do when you get bored. Don’t be afraid to spend 1-2 minutes telling her your story. By doing this you’re opening up yourself and lowering her guard so she will reciprocate.

The thing about why most guys (well women too, tbf) are clueless on building rapports is just simply that it is a skill. It needs to be practiced. They assume that once the person answers, then they’re hitting the wall. Without realizing that they could use that answer to keep building the conversation. You’re NOT there to collect more information by keep asking interview-style questions. You are there to build a connection. And you can’t do that if you don’t even try to connect.

They could answer anything they want. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what their answers are. If they answer they are from this city or from that country, then you reciprocate by opening up:

Tell them that whether you’ve been there or not.

Tell them what you heard about that place and ask if it’s true what you’ve heard.

Tell them that you’ve never been there but would like to sometime.

Tell them you’ve never been there but you’ve been to some other cities or countries.

See? All roads lead to Rome. It’s really not about the place, actually. It’s about how you connect with her.

Another example from what you wrote above:

If you ask her what they’re doing in a festival, then tell her what you’re doing there as well. Tell her what your opinion about it. Or whatever your experience there with anything festival-adjacent; maybe there’s a coffee shop nearby that sells some pastries that you could describe to her that they were pretty tasty. Or tell her about other festivals you’ve gone to in the past. Is it really about festivals? Is it about which of you went to more festivals? Hell no. It’s about opening up. It’s about building a rapport. All the information you and her share are only the means to get to where you want.

If you still read to this point, I will recommend you to watch the classic “Whose Line is it anyway?” Comedy show. You can watch them on Youtube. I’m not saying you should be funny like them. But their improvs methods really show that someone’s answer or reply doesn’t really matter that it shouldn’t make you feel like you’re hitting the wall. It just means there are always ways to go around their answers.

There are also different improv games like “Switch!”, “Freeze!”, “Yes, and…”. You can also find them on YT. Basically you practice on how to keep building the conversation without having to hit a wall. Here’s a good one: https://youtube.com/shorts/wVbaqlK8DKA?is=ZnLUv3PXtmCJNr6Y

ControlGood8979 · 2026-06-14T09:06:30+00:00

A lot is it isn't actually you it's the fact she isn't feeling you. That could be that she isn't feeling safe around you etc.

The opening line isn't very good bored is a negative state. If you are using that you need to have a strategy to move her out of that state. One is saying something humourous. Sometimes your energy will be enough to pull her from that state.

Once you do that you have her attention.

Another thing is that due to gender roles etc women expect men to lead and be entertaining.

Sometimes women are nervous that can be it but realistically even really social guys find it hard too. Usually we talk then get details and go from there.

The way you can take it anywhere is say "you know what is interesting" or " the last time I was bored I did x".

I'm a very random person and ideas of what to say come to me easy. Sometimes if I do get nervous and I just shut up and do the awkward pause. Craig Ferguson clips on YT are a good resource for interesting things to talk about.

Kronuk · 2026-06-14T13:53:28+00:00

You can flirt. Start opening up yourself to connect with her. Raise the vibe. Have a smile and be in a great mood. Try to teach her something. Share some of your life philosophies. Cold read her.

Preferably you need to be in an elevated state and you’re bringing her up to your level. If she is at an elevated state you either need to match it or exceed it. Self-amuse yourself.

It’s honestly better to ramble and talk nonsensical than it is to talk logically when it comes to attraction.

What you’re doing is falling into the trap that a lot of guys do which is you’re talking to her like she’s a man, with logic, to gather information about her. Oh she’s from X and she likes X and her day so far has been X and she has X hobbies and likes X kind of flowers. That’s all useless information if she isn’t getting attracted so why even start with that stuff. That’s for long term dating.

Instead of asking, just make statements. Instead of “what do you like to do for fun” instead say “you look like the kind of girl that would love to dance your heart out to your favorite music”… etc

OrlandoLasso · 2026-06-14T02:26:57+00:00

I think it's more about their tone. If they don't seem excited to talk to you and never ask you anything, or give really short answers, I would just walk away. You're right that getting a number is pointless if they're not looking forward to hanging out.

PrinceDestin · 2026-06-14T17:05:28+00:00

Imma be honest bro sometimes just going in for a quick and intentional conversation, im no master at cold approaching but what worked for me was

Doing a greeting, asking a question about the person or something random and spinning it into id like to go out on a date and do this with you

Now depending on how receptive she is you can go more into detail on the answers to the questions she’s giving you and then ask

Example when you told the woman she looked real bored you could’ve followed up with what do you do for fun or why are your passions or hobbies

Then either take it from there like if she says she likes tennis, be like so how do you play that, do you have to use your mind
More than your body ? Then say well let’s play some tennis some time winner chooses where to get some food

Or if she doesn’t say I anything you’d like asl her

Hey have you ever tried laser tag? Have a lil conversation with that the. Ask her to do it

Mysterious_Cat_4366 · 2026-06-17T14:54:21+00:00

You shouldn't expect half an hour/hour long conversation from strangers you cold opened. I think your openers are good, I love the one about everyone else have the same bag as her. I would use it to paint some sort of "conspiracy" make her laugh and when she does, make your intentions known. Tell her she is cute, ask her number, take her out for coffee on the spot.

People know you want something when you approach them, even if it's just to pass the time. Especially if it's a man/woman conversation. Just try to thing of situations when someone approached you. Your first instinct was he/she is selling something, or she is hitting on me. You need to lead with emotion, make a joke, be sincere, anything, and if she catches on, after a small while say why you are here.

You are not some 18th century romantic poet, you didn't come to appreciate her beauty.

You didn't come to her to hear her mature opinions, because before you even said hi, you had no idea what they will be.

Funny thing is, once you are honest, topics for natural conversation come up, because you are not constantly thinking "what could I ask her next, so it keeps her interested and not make me look like I blatantly hit on her". Important thing is to have situational awareness. You won't ask woman waiting on a bus for coffee and you won't ask a girl on a festival for a number.

Also not to forget, things can go awkward during cold approach for two reasons: First, she is not into you and is hoping you leave, second is she is into you and waiting for you to make a move. Both can lead into awkward silences. We are familiar with awkward silence when someone isn't into you and wants to leave.

But awkward silence when she is into you may simply stem from the fact she wants you to make a move. She won't start a conversation about a new lawnmower she bought, because then you would be talking about lawnmowers and never get to asking her out or at least asking her number. She cuts her reply short, so there will be an awkward silence that hopefully pushes you to ask for her number.

Knowledge-Enjoyer · 2026-06-14T07:57:34+00:00

ExaminationNo4391 · 2026-06-15T09:40:09+00:00

Make assumptions, use questions sparingly, and ask questions that will give a response you can riff off of

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-06-16T21:47:13+00:00

The difference is in the reason you ask questions. Whenever you're genuinly curious about her and what she is telling you, she will feel the difference.

Pristineonk · 2026-06-14T09:25:20+00:00

interview mode is fine. JulienRSD used to advoate it and had success with it

I think maybe them girls just weren't interested. If they were, they'd have been asking you things back and trying to help the convo along.

You're doing good and opening. When you open the girls who want you, I think it'll be quite smooth sailing. I've seen friends pull girls in bars where my friends had such bad social skills and basically ran out of things to say after 'hi', but the girls took up all of the conversational slack (because they were attracted)

Title	How to have a non-interview conversation with cold approach?
Author	laptopglass
Upvotes	34
Comments	24
Date	June 14, 2026 12:16 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1u56cek/how_to_have_a_noninterview_conversation_with_cold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-have-a-non-interview-conversation-with-cold.1582761 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582761

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