How to push myself to approach?

hunterpua · 2025-06-15T11:18:24+00:00

When I started more than a decade ago I was in almost the exact same position.

I realised it's an ego issue, just one that most people don't realize about themselves when it comes to dating.

Its not an ego issue in that you're afraid to be embarrassed, but in that you're too proud to make approaching easy enough to do.

This issue is more commonly recognised in the gym, with newbies being embarrassed about lifting "light" weights.

But nobody looks down on them for that, so you shouldn't look down on yourself for making cold approach easier for yourself too.

When you let go of that pride and not think of yourself as lame because you're making it so easy for yourself, then you can get the ball rolling and build up to the harder things in no time.

Here's some practical examples:

-Asking for the time

-Asking for directions

-Nodding at women

-Offering fistbumps

-Waving at women

You can even go easier and start by approaching older women or women who are paid to be nice to you, like shop keepers.

You aren't trying to stick your dick in anyone at this point anyway, all you're trying to do is getting used to approaching people you don't know.

You can even start with dudes if that feels easier for you.

Worry about focusing on women you're attracted to later, when you can actually approach.

No matter how scary or daunting this is for you, there is always an easy enough level you can regress to. All it takes is swallowing your pride enough to do that.

Inevitable_Branch720 · 2025-06-15T21:19:23+00:00

Approach anxiety is a comfort zone issue . You have to find where your comfort zone is and stretch it . I see guys complaining about this all the time because they are looking at it the wrong way. They think there is a one size fits all solution, when what usually happens is you need to look at the situation as everyone being different and having different challenges. First question I would ask you is : what scares you more? Is it the people around looking at you or is it the reaction of the woman herself?

epimpstyle · 2025-06-15T09:33:04+00:00

Go up to a table and just ask how the night is going?

No! Absolutely not unless you don't know anything elese to say and in that case it is better than doing nothing but not in your case as long as you said you are a beginner. In your case you need to create (force) a momentum and at this step you will have a common subject to talk about - it is easier.

You're at a table and a woman makes eye contact with you. At that moment, lift your drink as if to say "cheers" to her, then stand up and walk over to her.

A "forced momentum" approach is for when you're not seated. If you see a woman looking at you, walk towards her, but here's the trick: either lightly stumble over a table/chair, or pretend to almost spill your drink (another forced momentum is to take out your phone and act like you stop a call)

Why do this? It makes starting a conversation easier. You could say something like, "Hey, did you see what happened? I was coming over to say hi and I just spilled my precious drink on my shirt! This must be a sign..." (or Hey, did you see what happened? I was coming over to say hi and my friend all calling me., this must be a sign.... bla bla bla). This gives the woman an immediate context to talk about, making it simpler to begin a conversation. If she doesn't seem interested, wish her a nice day and move on. If she comments on the situation, that's your cue to continue. It's as simple as that.

Is it difficult? Maybe so, but if you're not a naturally social person, the right words won't just magically appear. You need a plan to follow.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-06-15T16:07:30+00:00

The first approach is always the hardest. What I always do is that I just force myself to do it no matter how hard it is. As you do more and more approaches, it will get easier and easier. Maybe you have a perfectionistic mindset, let it go and allow yourself to fail the first 1 ~ 10 sets. I fail those sets even to this day.

The first 1 to 10 opens are just warm up and to get you into the zone "state." Regarding on what to do, see my post on the principles of approaching women, that might overwhealm you, so just focus on one principle at a time. First being approach with no excuses, and work your way down.

Regarding on your location and venue, I have a seperate post for nightgame and daygame.

hachapurik · 2025-06-17T16:52:27+00:00

Dude, start talking to random guys first, barman, directions, get the momentum going

bigmanJ28 · 2025-06-17T18:35:45+00:00

the first time you see them your odds are the best, you may never see them again. Just do it bro

Substantial-Bad-4508 · 2025-06-15T10:53:46+00:00

"Handsome" means nothing if one doesn't have balls. In matter of fact, its better to be below average with a pair of balls than to be "handsome" but effeminate.

I suggest that you do cold approaches in the open and build confidence with a simple greet, then advance to greet and compliment, then to greet, compliment, introduce yourself, and pick a topic based on current events or surroundings.

Once you can string these together with ease, you can advance to bars, but for now, you're stuck in your head.

Mr_Red_Reddington · 2025-06-16T03:11:08+00:00

Ignore all the advice here, you actually have to feel suppressed emotions and let them go.

Title	How to push myself to approach?
Author	justaydogg
Upvotes	48
Comments	8
Date	June 15, 2025 6:14 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lbtfns/how_to_push_myself_to_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-push-myself-to-approach.1554997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554997

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