Yesterday, some of my buddies and I got high. And I mean, high high. I don't smoke that much so a decent amount of bowl rips and I was lucid to say the least. As is common while high, I got deep in my head. But this time, not in a bad way. More in a self-reflection that wasn't judgmental. Here's what I realized:

I constantly worry about acting or looking insecure, or that I won't be good enough, or that my flaws are so noticeable and pathetic no one will want to be with me. So I barely even try. I've been told by lots of people I'm attractive, I'm over 6 feet tall, I play sports, I go to the gym, etc etc. But it doesn't really matter if you're just told that girls find you attractive because when you go out (I go to a small college) and consistently don't get laid that negative self belief grows stronger and deeper ingrained in your head. And it's bad. I was really depressed for the first half of the year and even self harmed twice.

The key is to simply believe, "Bad things cannot and will not happen to me". You're probably reading this, and thinking it's an absolute delusion. And you are correct in a way, because bad things WILL happen to you. But the only way to maximize good things happening is to believe that they will occur for you naturally and as the default. Going off this core belief, you won't act insecure or worried- you'll be totally secure in the belief that, yes, all of my actions now will lead to success, so there's no reason for self doubt. I can act confident and in control because things will be fine. It's an endless feedback loop otherwise- you believe that, in the very least, you're gonna be awkward or weird (usually it's hard to realize this in the moment because it's so ingrained in our heads) and then you act awkward or weird because you already feel that outcome will be one in which you, the girl, or both of you feel uncomfortable. Imagine if you acted off the core belief that nothing bad can happen to you- you certainly wouldn't think like this!

Interestingly, my theory was put to the test immediately. A girl I've been hooking up with the past week said she'd let me know when she got back to campus to hang and never got back to me. Did she dub me? Is it over? Maybe. But believing bad things won't happen, I'm not stressing about it. In the past I'd be in a tailspin by now, not because of a connection to the girl as special, but because rejection validates my core belief things won't work out because of my inherent flaws.