Hey, this is a question for both those who seem to effortlessly connect with women and those who are still figuring it out.

I’m a 21-year-old guy living in a major Australian city, originally from South Asia. I moved here for university, and up until earlier this year, I was in a four-year relationship with my ex, who moved with me. Since the breakup, I haven’t been able to date or hook up with anyone. I’m not on dating apps, so my only options are meeting people through cold approaches at clubs or uni events. But so far, all I’ve faced is rejection—girls either have boyfriends or aren’t looking for anything.

To give some context: I’m 5’11”, slightly overweight with 21% body fat, weighing around 88 kg. I’ve been told that my South Asian background might be a factor, though I’m not Indian.

I’ve asked around to understand why things aren’t working out, and the responses I get are pretty consistent:

1.  “You look Indian, and most white girls, or girls from other races, won’t be into you.”

But if that’s true, why does my ex get so much attention, especially from white guys? 2. “You’re chubby, and girls here don’t find that attractive. Plus, you study computer science, which doesn’t help.” Then they tie it all back to my background. 3. “You’re not outgoing enough. You need to be more social or get on dating apps.” 4. “Unless you’re rich or have an exotic look, girls won’t really care.”

There’s some truth to the fact that I don’t go out as much—partly because I have to focus on my studies to maintain my scholarship (university isn’t cheap), and I work part-time to cover my expenses. But I am trying to go out more, with or without my friends.

I’ve also started hitting the gym for the past three months, and I’m slowly improving my physique. Still, I feel insecure about my body, which keeps me off dating apps and limits how much I post on social media. Because of this, people tend to assume I’m boring.

At this point, I’m starting to wonder if it’s game over for me—especially since I have a specific “type” in mind.