Just approach them.

skld2assassin · 2020-09-23T04:16:25+00:00

If you dont approach a girl or guy you'll ask yourself why did you not approach them. Just send it big boss just fucking let it rip. It will bother you...

[–]GucciCheesewagon 58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]PieSakuraTea3 points 5 years ago [recovered] (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]someonewithacat 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

Haha xD

How to put this. I failed once again.

The guy had to work abroad and it would take him about 3 hours to drive from his work to where he lives (which is where I work). Usually I work until like 4PM (please no judgement, I arrive very early in the morning as well). I told him I wouldn't mind waiting for him to come back, which he estimated would be around 8pm. Yes, I was crazy enough to wait 4 hours for a guy to come back from his work.

Wednesday he said he didn't want to keep me waiting that long and he'd still let me know on Thursday whether he could stop working soon enough to still show up on Friday.

Friday in the end he stopped relatively early, I confirmed I'd wait, and that was that.

He did tell me that one friend of his (which I've met through my crush two years ago, and we sometimes hang out the 3 of us) would be there as well. That's something he always says last minute. But okay, that would still be survivable. The friend is cool and sometimes jokingly bullies my crush about me.

I already texted the friend about which bar they planned to go to, and whether he knew about crush like how far away he was still (since the distance he had to cross was about 250km). The friend genuinely thought crush and I were having a drink just the two of us already - good sign I'd think.

When my crush arrived, he texted me he was waiting at my work and asked me where I was. And that's where I made a mistake, probably. Sometimes he'd pick me up there, I'd get in his car, and I could leave my work bag in his car while having a drink. This also allows having to claim him for some minutes to walk back to his car to get my bag back when I have to leave for the train.

This time however, I didn't do that. His (our mutual, almost) friend told me which bar they'd go to, and I waited there. So no car access.

I arrive at the bar, crush arrives, friend isn't there. Can't give crush a hug as he goes some sort of Corona proof fistbump this time. We walk to the entrance, guess what. Two other friends of his are waiting there for him. He hadn't said anything about them but they obviously weren't there by coincidence.

So I didn't have a minute with him alone.

We enter the bar, the music was super loud. I sat next to crush (yay :3 ). Because of the loud music I couldn't hear much of what they said. Next to that, they all have French as native language, I master the language well but it's not my native. So it's not like lip reading or so would've helped anything. I felt like an idiot. I did talk to crush, but he had to repeat everything 3-5 times.

Earlier this week he told me about his plans to get a second master degree, and he asked me if I wanted to proofread his (French) motivation letter. He also asked me not to talk about school to anyone until it was more solid and he'd get approved into university.

One time I touched his leg with mine, but he moved is away. That was at the beginning of the evening.

I think in the end he had about 3 glasses, and he tends to loosen up then - but still knowing well what he's doing. At least I think/hope. He's not acting drunk or anything. Just more confident, or more daring when it comes to touching. Apart from that he doesn't act differently.

And then when talking, I couldn't understand him well, so he talked into my ear. Often. And as the evening evolved, his nose would touch my face whenever he'd talk to me. If there wouldn't have been his friends around, maybe I would've kissed him then. I was dying inside because I couldn't but wanted so badly. Faces this close, so often, for goodness sake.

I had to leave a bit after 10PM (long live having to rely on public transport). As you already know, I didn't have to get back to his car to get my bag. First sadness. Also, the bar was right next to the station. Last time we were there (admitted, had to get to his car first for my bag that time) he walked me to the station and waited until my train arrived. This time he was like "you know your way now, right?" And man I wanted to cry. But in a way I might've understood as well, because since this week the bars have to close at 11 because of Corona. I didn't want that bit of remaining time away from him. I don't know what happened then, but when I reluctantly said I would find the way to the station on my own, he asked like 20 times "are you sure? Really? You'll find it right?" in a very concerned way. I asked him what he'd do if I told him I didn't know my way, to which he looked a bit sad. So I told him I knew my way.

Those last minutes when I was packing my belongings, getting coat, putting on mask, discussing whether I'd find my way to the station... he flooded me with eye contact. Like, what happened? On other nights he'd make me nervous (in a good way) with eye contact nearly the whole time. Admitted this time I sat next to him among his friends, that's more difficult than when sitting across him among friends. He looked me in the eyes one more time (skipped a heartbeat of course) and asked me to please text him once I got home safely.

I just don't know. I haven't described my previous evenings with him on reddit, but friends told me like "damn yes he's into you!" Both girls and guys, both people I know personally and kind redditors. But then sometimes I get these more negative indicators - like always the friends, I mean they're super nice and I adore the fact that they get along so well and that they don't mind including a total stranger like me - and then I feel like I should give up. I can't seem to be getting him alone to tell him. I won't tell him while there's 3 friends staring at us. And I won't tell it over text. I need it to be in person, regardless of how much of a scared girl I actually am.

So, here's the update. It's long. It didn't end up how I wanted. Maybe not all hope is lost but I switch between joy and huge sadness. If you really want to, feel free to give some advice :D

Have a nice weekend and stay safe!

[–]PieSakuraTea2 points 5 years ago [recovered] (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]someonewithacat 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–]PieSakuraTea2 points 5 years ago [recovered] (15 children) | Copy Link

Hmmm. A while ago after gym session we usually sort of hangout with others with us, and when they were all gone it was just her and two other random girls. They somewhat interviewed me while I was just trying to drink my tea and go home coz it was about to rain. They suggested we'd go to a bar sometime but I politely declined since I'm not really much of an alcohol guy, never drank it in my life by choice because I wanna have my first drink with the boys or like close friends yunno. Never done any drugs or smoking, I'm still fresh.

If I were to hangout with her I wouldn't invite my friends at all but that's just me. I know some of my friends would but it's better to make it clear because he might be overthinking as well. I know I should just keep it straight forward with her as well but even though I have a crush on her, I'm not feeling the butterflies?? I really like her, but I don't know her that well yet and yeah, the butterflies, I don't really have that. I've talked about it with the boys, they explained that when you're in love you wanna be with them all the time (They all have a gf) but I've never really had that. I don't fall in love quickly tho.

Anyways... I wouldn't want a relationship too atm lol

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[–]sigma_12342 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Sorry to say, but you are really setting yourself up for disappointment if you're dating only this guy and have put so much expectation of him liking you back without a plan B.

I'm not a girl a guy would be interested in quickly. A former boss once told me I was "the girl that is at work, but of whom it won't be noticed if she wouldn't be there". And although that's in a work setting, I fear that's me in every aspect in life.

We gotta change this. You're not getting any younger, and that means we gotta change you to someone everyone will start noticing.

I ask these questions for businesses, but I think this can be applied to dating as well:

What's your ideal guy like? (Seems like this guy you're pursuing has some traits you like, so list them down and imagine your 100% perfect mate has these)
Where do guys like these hang out? Business conferences? Church groups? Bars? Golf clubs?
What traits do they like in a girl? Obviously pretty, but maybe some miscellaneous traits can include being able to cook, works out, has ambitious goals, etc.
Put yourself in front of these guys.

What this simple exercise will do is it will force you to see there are more guys like him around, and once you have more guys like him interested in you, you'll be less needy.

Sad to say, but both top quality guys and girls have other potential mates chasing for their time and aren't needy. There's a chance he can feel your neediness (idk your situation tho), so you gotta work yourself up to be a woman everyone else would be vying their time for.

It's not easy, but it's worth it.

[–]sigma_12342 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]someonewithacat2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Hey, don't worry about it :) I needed some time to let that sink in, as it did hurt a bit (but you're totally right)

I find it difficult to try to focus on more people at once. Like, I wouldn't want any guy to do that to me either, that would feel dishonest. I couldn't do that emotionally either. Like, liking someone and having a backup likee? Doesn't sound good to me. I understand that people do that, it's some advice I read often on reddit too, but I guess it doesn't really fit my personality.

I don't have a list of criteria for guys. Or it's a small list only. I only have one ex, and he had basically no standards. Aged 27, no degree, no job, no license, not a single euro of savings, living with parents, not speaking the languages needed in this country to get a job, disrespectful to his mom. I know now that those things are red flags. And I now know as well that basics like degree, job, stability... are something I want to have in a guy, but it's more common sense to be honest. And guess what, the guy I like does tick all those points positively (although I guess that's normal for the majority of young adults. My ex was just a sad exception). So that's that already. (And more but no need to elaborate on that here and now)

I've tried to explain to myself that the guy is just human too, but by coincidence one I like a lot. So I decided to reach out again, just casually informing him about how to get to the venue the easiest. And he responded immediately, the event is still on, he told me how he'll get there (and how that's more "at ease" for both of us), then talked about work, school... and at some point he got silent, after which he apologised for that himself and explained why - I didn't ask for it. So I guess that's still not a bad-very bad sign. But we'll see.

Well yeah, not only guys have that anxiety. At home I indirectly learned that dating people is "wrong" and for me there's a huge taboo around all of it. I can already imagine my parent's prejudices about this guy. The possible embarrassment of his rejection (he could reject nicely, or he could reject in a mean way like bullies would) does make me anxious yes. But I feel like I have to try, I'm driving myself too crazy about this one.

[–]PieSakuraTea2 points 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]someonewithacat 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]isidorakimou 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link

Yes, agree with you. And also, very important, from a woman's perspective, if you want to achieve anything, meaning actually going out with a person, do some things properly. Don't tell me you are going to catch a movie, expecting me to invite myself like some kind of creep because that won't happen, and I'll probably tell you to have fun. If you want to have lunch say it, you are not five years old ffs. Don't tell me about an open invitation to which I can feel free to join or whatever. Sh*t like that didn't even happen to me when I was in kindergarten, seriously. Back then, kids were lining up bringing me gifts and asking me to marry them. Now grownups cannot even ask you out because they don't have enough courage. Jesus.

And then I wonder, how can you trust or give a guy the time of day, if he can't even ask you out properly because of fear of whatever. Let's say, you end up with this fearful guy, how can he protect you? How can you feel secure with him? If you have children and someone breaks in when the whole family is sleeping, what is this fearful guy gonna do? Call his mommy?

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[+]isidorakimou -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

I guess you might not want to hear this, but I wouldn't suggest that you ask a guy out. It's not worth it, because even if he agrees you would not be able to know

a) if he agreed only to not hurt a woman's feelings/being called a douchebag by others if he had rejected,

b) if he agreed because he thought you are desperate enough, or sltty and down to f** asap

c) out of being polite/treating you as he would treat a friend

d) because it might have never happened to him before and he was just curious to see how much can someone like him to actually find the courage to approach him -also massive ego boost to a guy who might be a complete jerk,

or e) all of the above.

But when a guy does it, you don't have to worry about all of this, you can assume that at least physically he likes what he sees and this is a good basis to start with and get to know each other. Because a guy that finds you unattractive and would never see himself having anything of sexual nature with you, will not ever ask you out that's for sure or will try to avoid you, etc.

Additionally, I'd suggest to beware of the guy who proposes low effort cheap walks in the parc or quick coffees, instead of the dinner+movie, or dinner+concert or whatever fun activity, because he only is going to offer you anything if he thinks he will get sex in return, it's all transactional for him, nothing humane in this and a major red flag. And then this guy claims women are goldiggers when he in the first place is the one thinking only about his money and profit.

If a guy likes you he won't mind to take you out on a proper date. If he is being cheap, it means he thinks you are probably not going to have sex with him, so why spend any money, or the complete opposite, that you would be willing to even sleep with him without him putting any effort whatsoever. If he really likes you though, money won't matter that much to him, assuming he has a full-time well-paying job and you already know this. Assume a model gives him some attention, do you think he is going to propose a walk in the park? Of course not because he would like her a lot and would not want to risk looking like a laughable cheap-ass loser. Now you might not be a model, but that doesn't mean you are not human and that you don't need to have standards and that you need to settle with a walk in the park like an teenager. No matter what you look like someone will be that into you that would do things for you that he wouldn't even do for any model out there and that is not a fairytale, it is a fact. So why bother with those that just don't like you enough?

[–]helikesart 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]isidorakimou 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

It's not that I would write them off, but I find it very odd past a certain age. I get it if it's a one-time thing and you say that you don't like it but tried it for them, (assuming of course that you don't like it) or if we were for a drink and had a walk afterwards, etc.

Plus, there are married couples who started dating like this, going for walks in the park, etc. Now, it's another thing when the women find out that while they were at home baby-sitting, their once park-loving husband is cheating and taking other women out on fancy dinners, buying them jewelry, etc. when he has never done anything like that to them ever. Then the women say, "that's not the person I married, what happened here?" But it is exactly the person they have married, they just never did it for him, he was never sexually that excited for them, he just settled for something he considered less than, just to have children. Well, why on a earth would a woman want that? Why not find in the first place the guy that would treat you like you want and spoil you all kinds of ways? Why "settle" for a walk in the park with someone who also "settles" for you (if he wasn't and he was actually infatuated or in love or at least much more interested, he would have put a bit more effort) when there is a man out there who would love to spend the evening with you at a nice gourmet restaurant?

[–]helikesart 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

r/oddlyspecific

I think a walk in the park is the bees knees.

Here’s my ideal. I take a girl for a walk in the park. We fall in love. I propose in the park. She says yes. I purchase some acres of the park and build a log cabin for us to raise up our children as gently as we please. The children are taught to be strong and kind. We don’t go into town much and avoid the temptations therein. My wife pursues whatever interests she pleases and I make it my passion to help her fulfill her dreams. Perhaps today she will read a book in the third floor terrace I built her. Or perhaps she will do a painting of the fall colors. I take ill and my wife begins to worry. The boys are growing older and begin to quarrel over who will inherit their fathers axe. I am able to help the boys reconcile and teach them a final lesson about forgiveness and can go to sleep one final time knowing they will take care of their mother. Our children grow into respectable adults who stay off reddit and give my wife dozens of grand babies to love. I look down from heaven and smile knowing my wife will live a full life surrounded by love.

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Title	Just approach them.
Author	skld2assassin
Upvotes	283
Comments	105
Date	September 23, 2020 4:16 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iy3cbb/just_approach_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-approach-them.1502672 https://theredarchive.com/post/1502672

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